A
male
age
41-50,
*onutsoup
writes:My ex-gf and I had been together about two months but were exclusive after a month, and I told her I loved her (she said she loved me back). We had a lot in common and very similar personalities, so we fell for each other fast. We did have some problems early though that led to some frequent but small arguments. About one month ago I hadn't responded to a few facebook messages from her very quickly and she messaged back sounding somewhat impatient. We were supposed to meet some of her friends that night to see a concert (I had not met them before), so it was important to her. I was very busy at work that day and had to cancel at the last minute, which I knew would make her upset. I had to work late that night and had not responded to her last message before she went to the show, and when she got home she sent me another message annoyed that I hadn't responded and that she got the hint and was going to bed. I got angry and tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't call me and wouldn't answer her phone. After a bit of arguing, I broke up with her. It had been building up, because she would say things regularly like I should be more social, or that things I was doing weren't adequate. I do admit that the way I handled this was outrageous and unfair to her and now I regret it. I've spoken to her a few times in email but that's it. I asked her if she wanted to meet me for a drink and she said yes, and asked If I had something to talk about? I responded that I wanted to apologize to her and that I made a mistake, but wanted to tell her in person. We were supposed to schedule something a week later but at that time she said she would have to schedule another time cause she had plans. I haven't approached the issue since; I figured if she wanted to meet me she would, and she knows how to get a hold of me. Should I leave her alone, or is there anything that you think I could do to salvage what I had with her? I really do miss her and love her still, I made a stupid mistake, that's all.
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male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (14 July 2016):
donutsoup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she got back to me, and said she's forgiven me but she's moved on. I expected this, but I know I had a short window of time I could have corrected my mistake. Still, its something to learn from. I'm glad I found this site, the advice you all gave me was valuable and I sincerely appreciate it.
A
male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (14 July 2016):
donutsoup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah me too. You guys are right, I should have done that the day after it happened, it does look like I didnt care. Better late than never though.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 July 2016):
 Glad to hear you tried to make the effort, I hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (14 July 2016):
donutsoup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI called her and left a message when her voice mail answered; said I was calling to apologize for what happened, that it was unacceptable and completely unfair to her and she did not deserve it. I said even if she doesn't forgive me, I will understand and hopefully someday she will. I asked her to call me back if she wanted to talk, if not I also understood.
I wasn't doing for me so I could get her back, that would have been selfish and shallow. I'm doing this for her because she deserves it. If nothing happens, I will still feel better.
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A
male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (13 July 2016):
donutsoup is verified as being by the original poster of the question@aunt honesty, Thank you for your advice. No matter what happens between us in the future, she deserves and needs to hear an apology from me personally and that I treated her completely unfairly. I'll give her a call and tell her how I feel and that I am sorry for what I did.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (13 July 2016):
This relationship moved very fast and small arguments do happen but I do think breaking up with her was a huge mistake on your part. So she was impatient that you where not getting back to her, but that was probably because you both had plans. Now I know sometimes work gets in the way and things need to be cancelled. But I am sure it still was hurtful to her, especially as you where meeting her friends for the first time, probably a huge deal to her, and she probably looked bad then arriving on her own without her new boyfriend. I can see why she was angry, did you apologize for having to work late? Tell her you would make it up to her? Truth is she had the right to be angry and annoyed and well what did you do? You got angry. The best way to have handled it would have been to leave her until the next day and do a nice gesture like take her for lunch or buy her flowers to apologize again, show her that you realized how important it was to her. But as you said yourself you can see now and regret your actions. But what are you doing about it? Emails? That's not good enough, you should be working your ass off to try and get her back, it looks like you just don't care. She had to reschedule which is fair enough, but you haven't tried again, which looks to her like really deep down you are not that bothered. Yes she knows how to get a hold off you put you are missing the point, you where the one in the wrong, therefore you should be grovelling, doing all the hard work and asking her to forgive you, but to me and to her it looks like really you cannot be bothered. Send her some flowers and chocolates and write a note with it saying how sorry you are and you hope she can forgive you.
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A
male
reader, donutsoup +, writes (13 July 2016):
donutsoup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe did buy me the ticket, so yeah it was wasted. I think she was mostly hurt because she was looking forward to having me meet her friends. I'm not usually that busy at work, but that day happened to be a bad day and I warned her earlier during the day I might have to cancel that night.
It was a impulsive reaction, yes and she knows it. I just wonder if I should call her even though I invited her to meet me a few weeks ago.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 July 2016):
 Did she buy you the concert ticket and if so, was it wasted? I think she will accept your apology but to make this work, you need to make time for her. She needs to be realistic about how much work you do and whether she can accept your busy schedule. The break up was a gut reaction, maybe it was overreacting but it's fact that deep down you worry that you can't give her what she wants. The result you are looking for will be positive if this is a one off thing; this month just happens to be the busiest and that your work load will be lightened up later. It won't be if this happens constantly and you are very needed, and on call at your job most of the time.
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