A
male
age
22-25,
*avyn_26
writes:Alright there's the same girl from my last question and I've been chasing her for the past two months now. I asked her if she liked me the same way I liked her or not because I couldn't tell and not even her friends at school knew if she liked me or not.When I asked her she said "I appreciate everything you do for me and your a really good guy but I don't think we'd work in a relationship because we're to different and I don't want to ask you to change I'm really sorry it's ok if you hate me now." I don't hate her but after saying that I haven't talked to her and its been four days since she said that.We go to a small highschool with like 50 people in it and I see her in like half my classes, and in the hall in between classes so i've been trying to avoid her as much as possible because when I see her it makes me get a weird feeling inside that I've never felt before.I almost feel hungry but I know i'm not because it goes away fast and it even happens when I run into her right after lunch. I really like this girl still and I've had one other girl before but she left for another guy so I don't really fully understand what i'm feeling but I know that I want to be with her but I just don't know how to do that. She said that we wouldn't work out because we're to different and like to do different things. She hasn't said it but everyone including me thinks it's because I smoke pot, drink and party for fun while she likes to draw and watch movies, but that's the reason I liked her so much she is so much different than me and I act better when i'm around her. When i'm with her going to the theater or going out to eat on a friday night is actually fun instead of what I normally do which is go to a party and do what she doesn't like me to do but when I do those things without her it's really boring. I really really want to be this girl's boyfriend and treat her the way a great girl like her deserves to be treated because all the other guys just hit on her because of her looks and its terrible because she's really shy, quiet and sweet and guys just see her as a pretty face. One of my good friends has even asked me if he could start talking to her and I know he just likes her for her looks because he said "I thinks she looks really good but i'm pretty sure i'd learn to like her personality once I started talking to her". I told him to go for it because she wasn't my girl or my problem even though I don't really want him to because he is just using her for her looks and she deserves better. I want this girl and now i'm worried that to get her i'd have to stop doing what I like to do for fun besides workout and play football which is out of season and also fend off my good friend and I know she'd be worth it but I don't know if I can pull it off because she's kinda hard to get so I don't know what to do or what i'm feeling.Should I wait it out and see if this feeling goes away?Can someone please tell me how to win this girl over because it's hurting me and i'm tired of going to school and pretending to be ok when i'm not.My close friends asking me if im ok because i'm acting off and they can't figure it out and I tell them i'm fine even though they know it's because of her but I just pretend to be fine so I don't have to talk about it. This girl is super shy, introverted, sweet, soft spoken , and just amazing. please somebody tell me what to do because it's hard trying to be myself when I don't feel right and I know it's because of her but its not her fault she just has a different way of seeing the situation but I love spending time with her and I want her bad I need advice.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2016):
 It sounds like this girl is very popular with the guys. But you need to accept that you cannot make her interested in you. You are not her type. You and her are much to different for her to accept and you need to accept that as well. For me smoking pot would be a deal breaker as well. You need to accept that she does not want to be with you. Once you have done that and gave up then you can begin to move on with your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2016):
 You can't MAKE her feel something she doesn't feel or do something she doesn't WANT to do. You need to accept that. NO means NO. She isn't into you.
Like uncle N91 said, she isn't interested and she tried to let you down as easy as she possibly could.
You need to let go of your crush.
And honestly, OP - just because YOU have a crush on someone doesn't mean they OWE you to feel the same. Doesn't mean you aren't GOOD enough or whatever enough, just means that the other person doesn't feel the same way. IT happens, it's life.
You are wasting your time pining after a girl who can't return your feelings.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (13 November 2016):
 She's letting you down gently. She's not interested.
Respect her wishes and move on
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (13 November 2016):
 This is the time where you learn that consent is everything and she's saying no. It may suck because you have a crush, but let it go.
Totally your choice but, for what it's worth, most girls/women wouldn't want a boyfriend who smokes pot. You should be able to have fun at parties without drinking much or using drugs.
Leave her be - when you accept that she doesn't want to be with you, your feelings will start to fade. You haven't accepted it yet, so they're still there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2016): You have to accept what she told you. She doesn't believe it will work, and that you are both different.
I'm sorry, but just because you want something badly; doesn't mean you should have it, or deserve it. You smoke pot and like to party. If everyone knows that about you, people will assume she is in that scene as well. If her parents or siblings know your reputation as a party-boy, they may also have some say about the guys that are around her. People may have warned her about you.
It's not a good thing to be persistent after a girl has outright rejected you. Especially if you have been told more than once. Being pushy or too aggressive may also make her dislike you completely. Stop avoiding her and just go about your business. The weird feelings will go away. You're just embarrassed that she turned you down; and maybe she hurt your feelings by being honest. She's a nice person, because she was honest and polite about it. If you keep coming on to her, she would have a right to get angry and ask you to leave her alone.
Sometimes a guy has to take no for an answer. You have to man-up a little, because it's being a boy to pout because a girl tells you that she doesn't think you're right for each other. I can understand how you feel; but she sounds like a very smart girl to know what she wants.
I don't think it would really be good advice to tell you to keep pursuing her. You have to learn how to take rejection like a man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2016): You need to get over her. She is not interested. She let you down easy. But it was no in the nicest way possible. Accept it and move on. Avoid her where possible and channel your interest elsewhere
Good luck you will be fine again.
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