A
female
age
18-21,
Mackenzie_heartbreakhotel
writes:hey! i'd love to have your advice. i dont know if its ok to ask here because its not really a relationship/love or something question i think. my dad and my mum just told us three kids that they will break up. my dad works in a hospital and cheated on my mum with a young nurse. im totally shocked and very confused!! it really hurts but right now im more angry than sad. i have some questions. my mum actually wants my dad to move out and i totally agree with her. but we live in a house which is really not small but also not a palace... so there is also the alternative my dad could stay with us in the house (my dad is the only one who earns money, but the house belongs 3/4 to my mum and only 1/4 to my dad 'cause she paid for it by herself). i really DON'T want to live with my dad anymore!!! i want him to move out as soon as possible. my dad mistreated us and especially me. since i can remember there was the most terrible fights in my family. now my parents dont fight anymore. the atmosphere is silent and cold when both are around. ok my dad is mostly not at home but still! i will move out in one or two years anyway but im worried about my mum and my 13 year old sister. i dont want her to grow up with her mum and dad divorced but living in one house. and believe me, my mum and dad are not the kind of people who divorce and become friends. in my family there has been so much mental torture and sometimes physical violence, i just want it to stop and actually i am very relieved of my parents break up (maybe that sounds terrible) but at least the fighting will end. thats all i want. i know my dad could afford to buy an apartment, do you know whether he has the right to stay here nevertheless? im not sure whether he wants, they are still thinking, and can people force me to visit him when he moves out? i am 19 yrs old, in germany you are full age at 18.i dont want to say i dont want to see him never again but i just want to know whether he has the actual right or something to see me. i want to decide by myself, maybe i sound like a crybaby or maybe i sound cold and selfish because i really want my dad to go away but its the way i feel =(i doesnt feel right if he would live here and loves another woman. and i hate this atmosphere right now. ok its better than the fights, but....seriously i want him to go. my mum said she actually wants him to go too. the alternative that my mum moves out doesnt exist. and my dad doesnt want her to move out anyway (i dont think he can decide - but anyway, its not an option anyway). please tell me what you think... thanks a lot!!!love
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female
reader, Mackenzie_heartbreakhotel +, writes (30 September 2008):
Mackenzie_heartbreakhotel is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you sooo much mandy!!!! love kiss
A
female
reader, pepper27  + ♥, writes (30 September 2008):
 Sorry love the first link did not work I hope the second one will help XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, pepper27 + ♥, writes (30 September 2008):
Hi Hun
I really feel for you. I myself as a mother have been in the same position and my eldest son did not wish to see his father and was concerned that he would be made to visit or even live with him, This was not the case over here Im not to sure about laws in germany I have found a few links that you may like to read it may help pop your mind at rest love.....http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,1564,1457216,00.html
As you say in your post it is not nice living with arguments and violence its very unsettling and hurtfull that your dad can do this it is very hard for you to understand and come to terms with hunny as he has hurt your mum so therefor has hurt you, At your age I would think the choice will be yours sweetheart. When this was happening to me I never said anything nasty or wrong about my ex husband to my children they found out for themselves as I totally believe its wrong to say things about my childrens father..Apart from if there is real danger there for the child or mother as a form of protection is needed in this kind of case...http://ec.europa.eu/civiljustice/parental_resp/parental_resp_ger_en.htm#5.
You need some peace from the situation you have been through love and I truely believe children need to be loved and to be shown love which Im sure you get, But because of all the arguments you have been past by its now come to a head and something will happen can you speak with your mum love to see if she will explain what is now going on to put your mind at rest. I truely do understand how you feel and no it is not easy as you want to protect you mum and sister from further pain, Both my sons are like this and have always been like this, I openly speak with them so they know what is going on and understand that I am ok..I dont want them to worry for me its my job to take care of them but as a family you worry about each other..I feel if you maybe got some help and advise you would be happier and understand more so your mind would be more rested when it comes to your sister, Have you a citizans advise centre they could point you in the right direction for help.
Now I no you are angry at this moment and hurt love but Im sure your dad loves you, Him cheating on your mum hasnt shown a good side of him to you and all these arguments and violent moments will have had an affect, So please hunny try and get some advise as to if you can get help for all that is worrying you it wont only help you but it can help your sister as well as she will not fully understand as much as you do yet..PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  + ♥, writes (30 September 2008):
 This is a really tough situation. Children of divorce where there was cheating involved always feel and side with the cheated on spouse. I don't know what the circumstances for your parents split and etc are but the fact is that the marriage is their responsibility to maintain or break up. Your dad cheating on your mom hurts you because it hurts your mom and your dad wasn't setting a good example for his family. I know this is going to be hard for you to hear but he didn't cheat on you per se. In a marriage there are always two sides and that is why parents should always try not to bad mouth either parent. Now that may be hard especially when one parent is devistated. However, he is still your dad and I am sure he loves you the same, I hope anyway.
Now, as for living together in the same house. If the two of them are not amicable, then that is not a good idea. Kids, even 18 year old ones, deserve to be living in a nurturing environment. And for your 13 year old, this will be how she see marriage down the road and I feel it will scar her. Best you can do is ask your parents to seek professional advice before they make a decision that will affect the family unit.
Take care and all the best.
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