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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi.I dont even know where to start. I thought i had life sorted. I was marrying my best friend. We had problems for a while. Anyway to cut a long story short. I started an affair . I tried many a times to stop the affair but it felt so right.. He felt liek my soul mate. My husband to be lived far awaat the time. I felt guilt, so much of it but just couldnt face it. This went on for six months. We stopped the affair and i got married. Dont know why, thought it would be ok. I come from a strict family and couldnt face the truth. After the wedding i have gone a downward spiral. Nearly thought about ending it all... but i have made myself stronger. I still had contact with the guy i had an affair with but have recently broke that off. Things are really hard with my husband, he does not know about the affair but he found out i had feeling for this guy in a letter i wrote . Its all a mess... . I really should not have got married.. I did wrong by him. ..Im in love with someone else. I just dont know how to make things better or how to get through this . Please help me , i know i dont deserve it but I cant change the past now but just now i would never ever ever do it again...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Get some counselling.
That guilt won't leave until you stand accountable for your decision and actions and go to your husband for forgiveness.
When we have done harm, wrong, offenses against another, when we sin- the inside of us, our spirit feels it. This is good that you can have remorse as it shows you are a person who can still feel her spirit, still has a desire to do what is right...that's good to have.
It is scary but it has to be done. You get to decide. Until then; this is a consequence of your choice; to feel constant unhappiness, unrest, and pain until you do the right thing and inform your husband.
You should still get some counselling to deal with the many scars of your childhood. They won't go away but you can become a person who can be better equipped to deal with her inner struggles and sense of self worth. You can become someone who has become wiser and has a better perspective on her life. You can become someone who cay say my childhood was a big deal and I am not happy about it, I am angry at all those who failed me BUT...I am no longer going to let them continue to fail me and I am not going to fail myself or my family.
Please work on getting stronger emotionally, mentally so that you can stop making painful choices with painful consequences.
You are looked up to by your children and you are now the one who is responsible for teaching your children on how to be strong, how to feel valued, how to know a loving hand, a trusting smile, and find a reliable, loving life's parnter who will be all that they need.
Do take Care.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Thankyou for your replys. My childhood was not great , my parents spilt up for a few years, we lived on our own for a while, my parents then got back together. i also was abused by a close family member which no one knows about. I know that what i did was wrong .. and there are no excuses and i dont wish to give u any. But please tell me this feeling of guilt , hurt, self destruction will pass. I hope to tell my husband as soon as im strong. I know i dont deserve to be happy, but just want to feel better than this.. Im away from my family , i just want to be with them, but cant tell them what happened. just cant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): What problems did you have with your Best Friend/Husband? How was your childhood? Strict may mean religously or it may mean that Mom and Dad were not the loving parents they needed to be. They may have been there physically but not emotionally. They may have even not really been there at all; you may have been a latch key child. Abandonment of any kind is a horrible thing to endure as a child. Most people are unaware the emotional abuse is a concern and is real.
However, this does not excuse or absolve you of sleeping with someone who was not your husband. Infidelty is wrong and it guilt and depression is part of the consequences of your decision.
See why honesty is important?
Had you been honest to yourself, you would not have married a man you do not love.
Had you been honest to him, you would not be where you are today.
I do not envy you your position.
Please seek out some counselling for yourself and yes, you are going to have to be honest and talk to your husband.
He needs the opputunity to choose if he wants to remain married to you or not. I say seek couple's counselling as well.
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, DaPPa +, writes (21 December 2006):
Going to make this as short as possible.
If you love him and you DO want to be with him, just the guilt is destroying you, Tell him. his response will decide if you should break it off or not.
If he understands you made a mistake and beleives you are sorry then im sure u can work it out.
If the opposite happens......then u should try to mutually agree on maybe leaving each other.
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