A
female
age
36-40,
*razydee19
writes:So I've been really having a serious crush on this guy.. I have been told that yeah he is flirting with me and seems to be interested in me. There's only one problem he has a girlfriend. I don't know how long they been together or anything. These are the signs that he is giving to me: he's always making convorsation with me, he likes to joke around with me a lot, he is in a band and told me when and where they were performing one night, I was unable to go and the next time I saw him he had mentioned to me that I should have come because I would have had a great time, he seemed to be disappointed when I told him I was not going to be somewhere that he was going to be one day. He doesn't talk to anyone else the way he talks to me. Another thing is we work together and he is 15 years older than me. I think he is flirting with me and believe that if he was commited and devoted he would not act and talk like this especially at work. Iam the only one he jokes around with like that. When I asked him for his number he gave it to me right away and made sure to get mine also. He showed me pictures of what he looked like when he was younger and I didn't even ask about that stuff. There was one time we were talking and it felt like we had a connection we were looking deep into each others eyes so focused. We constantly make eye contact. Does he really like me? And what should I do, I really like him?
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at work, crush, flirt, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 If he has a girlfriend and he feels it's ok flirting with you, when you'll be his girlfriend he will feel it's ok flirting with another girl.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Krazy - the point is is that you know now. Many guys will keep valuable information (the fact that they have wives/girlfriends) hidden when they want to stray. Others will lie and say they're single, or separated. The responsibility is still yours no matter if you knew all along or if you found out after the feelings for him and the flirtation started.
Send him back to his girlfriend. Or better yet, tell his girlfriend. You'll be doing her a favor by telling her about his roving eye.
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A
female
reader, krazydee19 +, writes (22 April 2010):
krazydee19 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to make myself clear here I did not know he had a girlfriend until recently so all this flirting between me and him and all this stuff happened before I found out and when I did find out nothing changed on his end anyway so I was under the impression that he was single with the way he was talking and acting towards me it sounded as if he was single.. So please don't make this sound like I'm trying to break up a relationship because that is not my intention at all
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2010):
What else can be said? Put yourself in the girlfriend's shoes. Would you want a guy to treat you like that? No, it's not like he's married, but he shouldn't be flirting and exchanging phone numbers with other girls if he's got a girlfriend. That shows bad character and a complete disregard for women in general. It's all about HIS EGO, and you being 15 years younger than he is, it's all about HIM, not you. Trust me on this one. You make him feel young, kinda the way Hugh Hefner surrounds himself with pubescent bimbos.
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A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (22 April 2010):
Keep away. Far, far away. This smells like trouble and not the good type. In the end, you are going to end up hurt and it could affect your job too. It's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (22 April 2010):
You should do absolutely nothing considering he has a girlfriend. Let me ask you this - how would you feel if you were his girlfriend right now and here he is flirting with some other girl? It doesnt matter if you guys seem to have a deep connection, the fact that he has a gf makes him Off Limits! If he feels a connection with you, then he should respect his current gf n end it with her first before pursuing something with you. What if you guys started hooking up, meanwhile his gf is oblivious to this. Is that the kind of man you want to be with, someone who cheats on their gfs? If he does it to her he'll do it to you.. Look at the bigger picture ok, dont do anything until you know 100% that he is single.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Ask him more questions about why he's still with his girlfriend and flirting with you, in a curious way but not in a demanding way. See if they are breaking up soon or is he just starting a workplace affair. That eye contact, "connection" can be felt with any horny, willing stranger. Don't think too much into that. He likes you in some kind of way but I don't really understand guys who claim they have girlfriends but still act like they could have a chance with you. I've had a few experiences with guys like that. It's as if they are entitled to get happiness somewhere else when things get bothersome with their own girlfriends, and you are just supposed to ignore he has a girlfriend and just be happy at the moment you see him. If you need to feel attractive, or some kind of attention, there are plenty of guys who are available, single and also willing to offer you that. Same to him, if he needs attention he should be looking to his girlfriend for that, or stop being a coward and end the relationship and stringing her along.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (22 April 2010):
 If you pursue this, you're more likely than not to get hurt.
He could like you and like your company but that could be all there is to it. Just because he does all those things doesn't mean he would leave his GF to be with you. You say you don't know her, you don't know how long they've been together. Perhaps you're different than her, you're paying him attention and he likes that a lot. Perhaps you're something new and exciting and that's why you're getting all this from him.
What do you realistically think you can do here? If you tell him how you feel, he'll know straight away that he can use you to his advantage. If you keep flirting with him and hoping he'll make a move, you'll just waste time, get frustrated, ask more questions on here and end up nowhere.
I know that right now you only want him and you only like him, but if I can give you any advice, it would be to leave him alone. He can't be with you.
And you say he doesn't seem committed or devoted to his GF...maybe he isn't but that doesn't mean he will leave her for you. Pursuing a man who already has a GF only brings trouble for YOU, and it only hurts YOU.
I don't think it's relevant whether he likes you or not. The question is how to best handle the situation so that you don't get hurt. The way things are, the best thing to do would be to leave him alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Two questions:
1. What value is his friendship if you weren't attracted to him?
2. Suppose you end up with this guy; are you willing to have a boyfriend who treats other women the way he treats you now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): i understand what its like to really like someone in that situation.I know not all men are "players" but from what i hear i think you should just back away for now because if something does come out of your friendship its not a good way to start a relationship when he already has a girlfriend PLUS if he has a girlfriend now and is STILL flirting with you, how do you know he wont do that with other girls if he ends up with you?
i think at this point he is untrustworthy and you should cut down the flirting until further notice of him and his girlfriend.
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