A
female
age
36-40,
*oinluvwithu
writes:Few years ago my sick sister made me promise that i would take care of her family if anything happened to her,at the time i didnt really think she would die so young,so the family arranged for me to marry her widower and raise her 4 kids,it was really weird at first but I told my self that i was fullfilling my sisters dying wish anyway my husband is an amazing man ,he is very kind and understanding,i really respect him but he is not affectionate,doesnt like kissing ,the sex is really baaad..but i keep telling my self that it will get better.and that i should focus on his other amazing qualities,he travels alot due to work ,we've been married a little over 3 yrs and have 2 beautiful children with him .he is a great father and a wonderful person ..I love him and I wanna make him happy,I've been trying so hard to be a good wife/good mother but Am afraid that I cant do it anymore ..I know i shouldve thought this through but i guess it was meant to happened no point in regreting it now becuase i have a beautiful family..I apologise for dragging this lol.. I'm not happy anymore ,its hard taking care of 6 kids alone ,oldest is 14,i have an infant/toddler so u can imagine how busy iam ,its hard but not impossible,i just wish I could be single again becuase am young,sexy ,kind n beautiful and i deserve more than this but i dont know how to get out becuase of the promise i made,cus of my family n most importantly becuase of the kids ..ive been thinking about this for awhile and ive tried talking to my husband about it but he is not big on talking ..when we talk we only talk about the kids n how things r etc ,I Know he loves me and would never hurt me but i think this is how he is and there is nothing i can say or do tht can change it.i tried initiating but he always shuts me down ..am sick and tired of trying so hard. .please help i need advice. thanks
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (15 June 2013):
 Sorry, sent too soon. That doesn't mean that you have to be married to him. You've been thrown together by what has happened, not brought together by mutual love for each other.
I think you need to get out of this marriage. You are young and you will hopefully have a long life ahead of you. Why stay in an unfulfilling marriage that is only convenient for your husband, whom you didn't choose, when you could find love on your own and be happy? You can still play a part in his children's lives, and your two children are the half siblings of his children, so there will always be that connection. You need to divorce him as soon as possible. Surely your sister wouldn't have wanted this for you.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (15 June 2013):
Forgive me but this sounds like an awful arrangement and very sad for all involved. Whose idea was it? Was this really what your sister meant when she asked you to take care of her family? It is extremely unfair to ask anyone, especially someone as young as you are, to step into the shoes of a deceased person and take on a family that it's not her own. Why should you bear that responsibility? There are other ways of taking care of people and making sure that they are OK.
Are you American or is your family from a different cultural background? I ask because in the America I know this would not be a "normal" reaction when a loved family member dies. The family would pull together and find ways to cope and help the children and the widower, not push the younger sister into marrying him, making another tragedy out of an already tragic situation. For me it is wrong. These were not circumstances that you chose. The man might have been right for your sister, but he's not for you.
You think that things will get better, but they won't. If he's not affectionate with you now, after 3 years and two children together, then he never will be. The sex isn't going to get better, you're not magically going to start communicating, and he's not suddenly going to start helping out with the kids. You clearly have a lot of love and respect for him, but that doesn't mean
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 June 2013):
Try marriage counseling.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): You live in US? I don't think it's such a huge problem then to change things around. I'd it's impossible for you and you husband won't communicate withou, you can get a divorce.
With that said,i don't really understand what are you going to discuss with him. He is not listening, and you want to get out. The only way to get out is to get a divorce. Stop having babies with him first, and then think what needs to be done. For him it's obviously is a marriage of convenience, as he has a wife who takes care of his older kids.
For you it's obviously is a long road to go,mod the oldest is nay 14, if you stay.
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