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I prentended I was her ex and emailed her to see how she really feels, She loves her ex! How can I carry on knowing this ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, *o-n-love writes:

Me and my lesbian partner have been together for almost a year. We also live together. I pretended to be her ex and e-mailed her. Pretending to be her ex I told her that i miss her. And that's when I found out how she really feels. She was saying things like "I love you", " I think about you all the time". I confrunted her about it and all my partner had to say was that she was sorry and that she was stupid for doing it. Knowing how she feels about her ex now i feel unhappy, unloved, and i don't even want to have sex with her anymore. I do love her, but how can I make this work? How can I make these feelings go away?Please help me.

View related questions: her ex, lesbian, unloved

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A female reader, simonelahbib06 United Kingdom +, writes (24 April 2007):

give her a try dont push her away try to talk to her and get the love back it will be hard if you dont make love and keep pushing her away as she will then go back to her ex if you really want her you will try i know what it is like

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2007):

How unfortunate for both of you. It's amazing how in one short moment of curiosity we can cause a lifetime of pain. When we do or say something that we just can't get back we have to work 3 times as hard to prove we really didn't mean it or the way it turned out in the end. You won't only regret the email or what you learned or think you learned, you'll regret the end of your relationship if you don't sit down and speak truthfully to one another. I have a daughter 3,000 miles away, her lover accepted a beautiful commitment ring and just recently told her she needed to get answers about her past relationship that's been over awhile. The truth? She's seeing someone else while my daughter sits alone in the apt with no one to talk to day or night.

Ironically, it's this girl whom she spent countless hours on the phone with comforting her over that past relationship. It's this girl who couldn't live without my daughter, and it's this girl that my daughter moved her life 3000 miles and into another country for. Now she's alone with her thoughts, a cat and my voice over the phone until she can get home next week. I just wish she had your opportunity with honesty. Don't take it for granted...it's a very special but fragile thing...relationships...you can't be tearing them down faster than you can build them up otherwise your existence and others can become a very long trail of 'what ifs'. You may never get a second chance to mend your heart and hers...what are you waiting for?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007):

Seriously, I think you were a jerk to do that. Lots of people have feelings for their ex, they try to move on as best they can because its over and they know it, but it still hurts. In my opinion she should dump you. What you did was really mean.

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A female reader, so-n-love United States +, writes (3 April 2007):

so-n-love is verified as being by the original poster of the question

so-n-love agony auntno she has no contact with her ex, and the only reason why i did it was so i could know how she relly feels, and why don't i want to kiss her or love on her anymore? i just don't know how to go on doing this anymore.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007):

something triggered you into doing this.whatever that reason was doesnt really matter now does it?maybe she was just telling her ex these things to please her????we all have past loves or a love that we think about but shes gone one step too far.is she in contact with her in any other ways?also how are you gonna feel if her ex finds out what youve been up to.sounds like you relationship is built on rocky ground.personally if my man said those things to someone else then that would have to be it.you can be unfaithful in many different ways not just the obvious.you played with fire and you got burnt.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (3 April 2007):

eddie agony auntYou opened a pandoras box here. You're feelings can't go away really so easily. You peeked into her head and found something disturbing. It's her feelings that need to change, more tahn yours. If, what she said to her ex (you) is true. What made you do this?

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