A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We live in a small community and our children go to a small school. There is a couple whom we have kids in the same grade with. This couple has always been very cliquish with another couple. (They were really good friends, and they were almost inseperable.) Well, their friends moved, and it seems like they are really trying to make new friends in the community, fit in, etc.I feel very uncomfortable with them. I do not want to be their buddies, not that they aren't nice. They are okay, but they, particularly she, never wanted to be friendly before. I am just scared to death of having all of my time manipulated, as this seems to be their style. I'm also afraid they, particularly she, will try to make friends with some of our friends, or my friends and just kind of take them and be inseperable with them as this is their style. I feel like I am almost afraid to say anything to them, for fear they will want to move in with us - I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean!!!I feel very uncomfortable. I don't want to be rude, but I want to get along well enough to get me by if you know what I mean.Does anyone understand what I am talking about? Can anyone help me out with any solutions or advice? Any advice would be appreciated.Uncomfortable in Underwood Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Life is too short to be stuck with people you don't really like to be with.
Stay close to the friends you really enjoy, and don't make time for the ones you don't feel comfortable around.
Everyone doesn't have to like everyone else. But do be respectful and don't gossip about them, because that has a way of swinging right back in your face.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Why on earth are you so worried? It's perfectly FINE to say No to any invitation and it goes like this "I'm busy that night/I've made plans for that weekend/I'm afraid that I have to work that day/I already have a meeting or plans scheduled". You will probably be seeing them in the meanwhile, when YOUR friends invite them to a gathering, so just steel your willpower and get used to practicing excuses. Who knows, you may wind up liking them more if you see them at mutual gatherings, if you let down your guard.
Chances are, they are just as uncomfortable as you are and stuck by their "only" friends because they were shy and uncomfortable stretching themselves too. And if you don't mind having a mirror held up to you, you seem more uncomfortable about being "judged" by them after writing this letter about them, and what YOU think their life and lifestyles. Are you worried that they too might find you standoffish and cliquey? If you practice keeping them at arms length, they just might! Maybe extending an olive branch would be the most loving thing to do. You don't have to be their New Best Friends, and You are the on who can decide when you need space and how close a relationship that you want with these people. Right now, you are simply worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet and making up worst case scenarios.
Rule #1) Don't sweat the small stuff
Rule #2) It's all small stuff
Besides, you never know when you might need another friend!
...............................
|
