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I often feel disgusted when my fiancee touches me. Was this because of the way my ex bf used me, sexually? How can I get over this?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 June 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 June 2007)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

What can I do to get over this and move on with my life?

I was in a relationship for four years. My boyfriend at the time would often sexually abuse me by messing with me in my sleep on a regular basis. I would often wake up with him inside of me and sometimes I wouldn't even wake up. I would know that he had taken me in my sleep only because I would be wet between the legs or I would not on any clothes or I would not have on the same clothes that I did when I went to sleep. When I realized what he was doing I asked him not to do that. I told him that made me not want to have sex with him at all. As time went on, thimgs got worse. We would not ever have sex while I was woke because he disgusted me. He even held me down and took me while I was woke once and I was telling him to stop and struggling to get up. I finally gave up.

I am in a very healthy relationship now. I am engaged to get married and I love my fiance. But we have been having issues because I often turn him down for sex and I don't like him to touch me in my private areas at any time. I really cant get that close or intimate with him. He will notice me clinch up or shy away from him. I often feel dirty or disgusted when he touches me. We both think this is because what happened in my past relationship. What can I do to get over this so that me and my fiance can have a healthy sexual relationship.

View related questions: engaged, fiance, move on, my ex, notice me, shy

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A female reader, spirited United States +, writes (8 June 2007):

Go to therapy. This will help you out. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, and therapy is nothing to be ashamed of either. If anything, attend a few sessions with him so that he can better understand that it has nothing to do with him (although it seems that he understands this, which must be very relieving to you). This is overcomeable, you have a long, happy marriage waiting for you, just take this step towards healing.

God bless!!

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A female reader, chrissy32789 United States +, writes (7 June 2007):

chrissy32789 agony aunthey hun many girls and ladies go through this when something like that happens, have you gone to anyone to talk to about this like a counslior? go to someone for help with your fiance and talk about it and things should get better and you will be able to enjoy him. it will take a while but then it will be better...good luck and get some help

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