A
female
age
51-59,
*kinnybag
writes:How do I tell my husband how I feel? I have been with my husband for 20 years and I no longer want to have sex with him. I do love and care for him but there is no emotional connection whatsoever. No kisses, no sex, no nothing! My feelings towards him have changed and I can't live like this any longer. I have not spoken to him about how I feel as I am scared of him and how he will react. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, skinnybag +, writes (13 February 2010):
skinnybag is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn answer to "called Steve"'s comment, I have a high sex drive which is why my situation is so hard. I don't want to go through the motions sexually with him as I feel that this would be unfair to both of us. How can I when there is no emotional connection.
A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (11 February 2010):
 How sad that this is how it is - it actually sounds like you have both drifted apart.
The choice is - do you want to mend it or not? Does he want to mend it or not?
You obviously need two positives or two negatives to conclusively move on this. As you are both obviously low sexed it makes me wonder why you have not decided to do something about it earlier.
I think its time you did seek professinal help either through relate or individual Solicitation to begin proceedings for an Official Seperation. UNless there is someone else on either side I dont think there is a need for Divorce as you may discover the love you originally felt later.
Steve x
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A
female
reader, skinnybag +, writes (11 February 2010):
skinnybag is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been feeling like this for many years and have just accepted that this is how it will be. We last had sex in September 2009 and that's all it was...sex! No intimacy, touching, kissing. Gradually over the years, my desire for him has died. I have tried to rekindle those feelings but they are just not there.I just feel so lonely.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): You hint at being 'scared of him'. Is this the real reason you no longer feel any emotion for him? It would not be difficult to understand. I would urge you to consider your own feelings and reasons and get greater clarity for YOURSELF and the life you want before you tackle him.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (10 February 2010):
Whilst i agree with what CaringGuy has already said - I would seek the help of relate as things may not go the way you intend.I guess he already knows from your current situation - unless you are still sharing intimacy.You need professional help with this as it will no doubt have a very big effect on the rest of your lives...Steve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): Well, it is like my yoga instructor said
YOu must face your truth in order to free yourself from it.
What is the truth here. Does your husband mirror things about yourself you don't like, don't want. What about him to you dislike?
Usually relationships go through ups and downs, phases. This will change and pass into something else. THe death of one thing is the birth of something new. What is the next step after you tell him. Figure that out, and focus on the positive. For example, " I want more out of life, I want to fulfill my potential and how do you think I could do that?"
If he supports you, you will find you will fall in love wiht him all over again. If he doesn't then it is a good way to say you want to move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 February 2010):
I think this is something that can be fixed. I think you need to be honest with him though, and tell him what you want and tell him that you are worried about your marriage. You still love him, and it would be a shame after 20 years for you to not try and it to end. Talk to him and be honest.
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