A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy on a dating app and we have been on two dates so far. I don't think he and I are compatible but he's very nice and good-looking. I cannot see a long-term relationship forming from this AT ALL, but would like to turn it into FWB if it is possible. How should I let him know of my intentions?The thing is he has made NO moves so far except indicating he's interested for a next date. He's never even hugged/kissed me or asked me back to his house. Either he 1) simply likes to take things slow and really thinks the two of us have the potential to "go steady" - or 2) he doesn't want to mess up his chances by becoming physical too early. When dating, I come off as sweet and innocent, not the type of girl who gives the impression that she is down with hookups, so it's possible he thinks asking for sex so early on would turn me off.Also, I'm of a somewhat shy character and I never initiate physical contact nor am I the first to imply I'm ready for sex. So I fear that if I try to give him "hints" it'll come off as awkward. I would love to hear guys' opinions on this - are you okay with girls initiating? Is the third date generally considered too early? Would you be weirded out?
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 July 2017):
Answers for your questions:
Are you okay with girls initiating?
I'M 1000% OK with that. It's very sweet when a woman takes initiative, and gets the ball rolling. For us men, it's very hard to know the right timing and to read girls, specially when they look sweet and innocent.
Is the third date generally considered too early?
I don't think it's too early since we men are ready for sex since date #1 . If that guy doesn't wants to initiate sex, invite him your home, and get the ball running.
Would you be weirded out?
I don't think he will be weirded out, honestly, unless he is a total n00b like we men are at some point of our lives.
I wish you best luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): You could initiate discreetly by holding his hand or putting your head on his shoulder if the opportunity rises. If he doesn't get the message then there must be something wrong with him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (25 April 2017):
 Before you have any kind of discussion with him, you need to have a frank one with yourself about what it is you really want.
FWB may appear to be less complicated than a committed relationship, but really the difference between the two is the latter is more clearly defined. The former just leaves a lot of room for guessing and confusion.
These are some of the pitfalls that frequently come up. How do you plan to deal with these?
He says he's your friend but he only seems interesting in getting together to have sex. He assures you there is no pressure to have sex but you notice he gets moody, or seems to punish you with silence when you're not available. Your beloved dog just died and he tries to 'cheer you up' with phone sex. You're on your period but you can still give him a blow job, or maybe he'll go off and have sex with someone else until you' feel better'.
He wants to sew his wild oats while keeping you all to himself, and you put up with it because it's 'proof that he loves' you.
You're seeing a new guy but you can't say so to your FWB because it might hurt his feelings. Or maybe he'll suggest you maintain the arrangement until you make it official (and your new boyfriend will love that when he finds out, months or years down the road).
And speaking of new boyfriend, how to you plan to soothe the jealousy he feels when he finds out, months or years down the road, that you were bedding someone else while dating him? Because I'll tell you 'It's all in the past' and 'but I'm with YOU now' won't cut it.
So, how do you cultivate a friendship with occasional sexual benefits with a man who is not looking for friends? How often would you like to get together? What is the protocol for dating or sleeping with others?
Food or thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): To be honest, I don't think he'll have any problem with being offered casual-sex. He's a guy! If he has been cautious up to this point; it's probably because he's smart and has experienced all the tricks lady's try to pull. He probably has a few up his own sleeve.
The dumbest think you could ever do is to underestimate people you don't hardly know.
I see no problem with being honest with the guy. He apparently enjoys dating you. Most don't get past the first date.
I don't think being pretentious or faking innocence reflects well on you. It makes you an opportunist or a player. So just come right out and tell him what you're up to. He finds you attractive, he has suggested interest in another date; so there's your opportunity to be straight.
It's fine for the girl initiating the first move. If he hasn't; maybe it will be a great novelty for him, if that isn't what he's been waiting for in the first-place.
I think before the next date, you might want to call and have a talk. Just to feel-out his brain and understand his intentions. You both may be on the same page. It will also give him the chance to opt-out with no hard-feelings.
Don't practice the art of illusion and deception. It cancels blessings, brings on bad karma; and you should always treat people as you want to be treated. Be yourself and be honest.
You're a strong woman, so go for what you want without playing games or pretending to be coy.
Just a little side-advice. Take it or leave it. If you don't, somebody else will. I'm well-experienced; and I never waste my wisdom. Anything I say is up for grabs, or can be deleted at your will.
Whether you're a man or a woman; just trivializing intimate human connections to casual-sex with no emotional exchange will leave you cold and full of emptiness. Using people usually backfires; so you might want to adjust your attitude about intimacy. It's your body and soul.
You might suddenly find yourself unexpectedly getting emotionally-attached; and he may not trust you, or want to undo the FWB agreement. Men and women do not think alike. We play on an equal playing-field equipped with whatever tools or weapons nature has provided each gender. You can get beaten at your own game!
That's what I mean about bad karma. It's what we get when we intentionally do things the wrong way! Gain by deception or manipulation never works! It's assuming you're smarter than the other person involved, and you might be dealing with the devil!
When to have sex between two people is determined by what they really want out of the connection. Someone looking for something long-term will take their time to get to know who they're connecting with; and allow the chemistry to develop and let nature take its course. Feelings will be based on the feedback and if the other person reciprocates.
Someone looking for less has no real guidelines or limitations; and can act on impulse if they like. They're not expecting much in return; because they're not investing anything anyhow. They can just go for it, and roll the dice!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 April 2017):
 If you want a FWB from this, then tell him, ask him if it's something he's interested in. Maybe that's all he wants also, you will never know until you talk about it.
Just be straight up with him, if you've enjoyed the dates then let him know and say you're not looking for anything serious right now but if he's interested in a casual arrangement then you can carry on seeing each other. If not, then go your separate ways.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 April 2017):
 You don't need a guy to tell you that most are happy with women making the first move.
If you don't see it going anywhere, you need to tell him *before* another date. There's no point dating him if you just want to turn it into a FWB situation.
Just call him and talk about it over the phone or meet at a café/pub to talk it out, but make sure he knows it's not a date.
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