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I need to tell him how much I like him, but I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm 17 years old and just graduated from high school. I like a guy who is turning 17 August 9th. I've liked him for about 5-6 months now and I'm not sure if he knows I like him. We've been best friends for two years now. After getting advice from my friends I reluctantly asked his friend to see if he liked me.

What I didn't realize at the time was that my best friend had been dating someone else for about a month so when his friend asked him he said that he wasn't sure if he liked me or not, but it would be best to stay best friends. When his friend told me what he said, I was crushed, so I tried not to think about how much I liked him.

Less than a week later, his girlfriend dumped him and he was horribly depressed for another week. I stayed by his side, but I'm still not sure he knows how I felt.

Recently, I guess its because we've been away from each other all summer, I realized once again that I was falling for him. I talked to him through email and Facebook, trying to drop him hints. Then I thought about what his friend told me he had said and thought that he might have just been saying that because he was dating someone else at the time.

His parents where he is at now are extremely strict and won't let him come visit any of his friends (they moved to another town, but he still goes to the same school), so he is asking his parents if I could come hang out at his house the day after his birthday. He said that it would be good for me to meet his parents so that they would be more comfortable with the idea of him visiting me.

I don't want to just ask him over IM or facebook, but I feel I need to tell him. I don't want to ruin our friendship though...

What are your thoughts on what I should do in my situation? I still have a crush on him, I guess you can't consider it love yet if I'm we're not sure he likes me back.

View related questions: best friend, crush, depressed, facebook

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks very much! I appreciate both of the answers and will take them both into consideration. I was thinking of writing him a letter and mailing it to him, but I'm not sure if I want to wait that long.

Another thing about him, because he missed the bus for the first time in his high school career towards the end of school, his parents took away his phone and internet privileges. The only way he can get on is if his parents have gone to bed, and he can sneak online.

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A male reader, xray2112 Canada +, writes (1 August 2008):

I really don't think your friendship will change. Even if he doesn't like you in that way, you're never going to know until you tell him.

A lot of boys are just too scared to tell a girl they like them. For young guys, the fear of rejection is at times overwhelming and they will never say anything.

Tell him. You just might be opening a door he was afraid to open.

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (31 July 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntI think you should wait a little bit more to see if he likes you back, but my guess is that he does.

You said that his parents are very strict and don't let him socialize, but he's trying to convince them so you can visit THEM so he can visit YOU later. How many people has he tried to do this with? He must esteem you very much to try to try to convince his strict parents.

Don't ask him anything on Facebook because it's not a very private place. Ask him either on the phone or IM, or if possible in person. Asking him in person is the best you can do, as you will see his reaction and he seeing you will probably encourage him to say yes. You could also give him a letter where you write your feelings for him. Tell him to read it when you leave and let him sink in everything for a couple of days (so dont expect him to call right away). In the letter, address that if he doesn't like you back, that you don't want your friendship to change.

If you want a personal note, my best friend did tell me that he liked me for years. He knew I was going to reject him since I'm in a happy relationship but he had to take it out of his chest since he was leaving for the Navy. He asked me for me to not change because of him and not to change the relationship. In fact, it did change, it made us much closer than ever. I bet that if he's a true friend, even when he doesn't like you back, he will still want to be your friend because he just values you so much.

Good luck and I do hope he reciprocates your feelings.

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