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I need to stop stalking my ex-boyfriend's ex!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 February 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I was with my ex boyfriend for three years and the whole time his ex girlfriend made things really difficult for me.

When I started dating him he talked about a female friend a lot, so much it made me feel uncomfortable. But after some time I realised it was his ex. We went on a date once and he kept texting somebody and I got so annoyed I asked who it was and it was her. I find people texting while I'm with them quite rude but as it was his ex it was even worse.

He was with her for 8 years but he had split up with her 10 years before I ever met him. He told me she cheated on him so they didn't speak for about 5 years.

We had a huge argument one day and a few weeks later I saw a photo on Facebook of them together in a pub, it was dated the day after we had an argument so I split up with him over it. Of course he begged me to forgive him and we got back together. A few months ago he messaged me on Facebook because my phone had broken and it showed his location and it was in the town she lived in a hundred or so miles away.

So not only did he talk about her all of the time I've also caught him out going to see her twice, that I know of, it's probably more!

I messaged this woman to find out what was going on and she was horrible to me, she called me a jealous b****. When I first saw a photo of her I wasn't at all threatened, she was extremely overweight. Not that being overweight is bad but she wasn't attractive at all. I kind of believed that he wouldn't sleep with her as she had let herself go a lot since he was with her.

I laid in to her after she called me a jealous b****, I felt bad after but I called her really bad names and said awful things about her appearance. Well this has all just backfired on me, I think she took these insults as some kind of motivation to get herself in shape and now she looks amazing.

I used to think she looked awful and now I study all her photos on Facebook and think she looks like Marilyn Monroe's double. She has the same kind of smile, she has these gorgeous eyes and lovely hair. I know I'm a bad person for laying in to the way somebody looks but I was so upset by what they did to me I really couldn't help it.

I'm no longer with my boyfriend as I couldn't cope with what they did to me, but now I find myself really obsessed with this woman and upset that my anger somehow gave her a kick up the backside to lose weight and look so much prettier than me.

I don't know what to do to make myself stop stalking her on social media. Has anybody else been in this position and what can I do to stop!

View related questions: ex girlfriend, facebook, got back together, his ex, jealous, lose weight, my ex, overweight, split up, stalking, text

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (22 February 2016):

Tisha-1 agony auntI think you need to open up about your obsession to your friends and family. Have you actually told close friend about what is going on? Told someone about your anger and jealousy?

Set up a camera to film yourself when you are online doing your stalking thing. You'd probably be appalled at how you look, you'll be staring at the screen, oblivious to anything going on around you.

Take a 2 week detox from your mobile devices that keep you linked to this thing.

My guess is that you're fixated on her as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with what is really going on in your life.

If you are unable to control this stalking and obsession then it is a good time to talk to someone. Your friends and family are free, available and love you and want what is best for you. If you don't have any friends and family who care about you and want what is best for you, then you have a larger issue, and that might be the thing you're avoiding facing.

Your doctor is available too, as are counseling services.

Open up to your friends and family.

If you need some external mechanism to stop the stalking, take the helpful steps that social media sites offer to assist people hoping to avoid posts from certain parties.

If you can't manage that then you definitely will need some professional counseling.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (22 February 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntBlock her on social media. As for you saying what they done to you, well what did they do to you? Nothing from what I can see, he is in your past now. Move on and let this go before it turns you in to a bitter person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016):

I don’t know why your worrying over this. He was YOUR boyfriend and he was the one messaging his ex why would you want someone like that in your life. Thank god you got rid of him. Delete and block them both and go out have some fun and find someone else who is worth obsessing over!

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