A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how to even ask,okay here goes wellim engaged underage and in love with my boyfriend on the side which is more than my long distant fiance.im 17 years old my fiance is 21 which knows im 17 then my boyfriend is 35 and thinks im 20 i really need help but please save the too young part,please i dont think i love my longf distance partner anymore and i just feel to bad to break it off but at the same time ive been so terribly stressed out over thinking my boy friend will find out my real age,i end up living with him for a week but to find out hes going thru a divorce so i came back home but hes not with her i just cant be with him living wise intill hes divorced heres the other thing im 6 weeks pregnant with my boy friends babe but heres the other thing he doesnt know much anything real about me i dont even know how this whole thing started it was post to be one movie and then a few dates later we end up in bed together but even before that i just couldnt stop thinking about him now i cant stop seeing him even thow it is hurting me because i cant really be with him and i keep hurting my self waiting for it to end really because even thow he says he loves me i know that if he found out he would leave me but what am i going to do keep the baby by my self i wont get a abortion or give it away ive meet all hes family they love me to death hate hes ex wife and a thrilled im pregnant but they think im 3 years older than i really am i dont know what to do he wants to marry me and for me to completely move in and everything but i cant because he doesnt know how old i really am and nothing really real about me but also my parents dont care or anything so if your wondering why are the not doig anything thats why they hate me tell me every day and cant stand me but back to my problem i know i need help i didnt mean to take it this far but i cant help my self now im setting my self up for major heart ache if he wants to leave me he will find out sooner or later but im just not sure if i can handle the out come of it emotional i feel ruined by my self and my actions because i also know it is going to crush him and my long distance partner which i cant marry i dont love him anymore i dont think i really ever did when ever i thought of life a marrige with him i thought outside the marrige in maybe finding someone eleswith my boyfriend i feel alive in love i feel wonderful happy besides everything eles going on anyways and i really cant see my self with anyone eles than him i just want him but am scared i messed it all up and he wont be the man i spend my life with which is what i want please help please what do i do and what coud be the best and worst out come of this i need opions please !!!!!!!!!!i cant live like this any more i need to feel safe in a relationship i know i am the one ruining my life is there any help ??????????????PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP I LOVE MY BOY FRIEND AND WANT TO KEEP HIM
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, enjoimx  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 Allright..since im a guy I will give you two opinions!
1. My friend Erika (name changed)has these types of relationships and is now 20, always giving out false ages to her boyfriends, but totally rad girl, just lots of drama. After last summer she just changed herself to this adult, it was nice, and it was interesting. Now she is happily dating one guy and is living the life in a big city. It was like an assertiveness came over her! You gotta do that, be more self aware and assertive with your communication with these guys.
2. But personally, I think it sounds like you are done with your fiance. Maybe you are afaid of his reaction to a break up. But if you arent honest with him how is any relationship going to grow. You have to be honest with both of them about you, because you love yourself and you want the best for yourself.
A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (9 April 2008):
 Oh dear,
Sweetheart you are too young to be dealing with all this. I know you don't want to hear that but it's true. It saddens me that your parents are not supportive of you. I think you need to take some time and speak to a professional and get help. I don't think having or keeping this baby is really an option for you at the moment. You have your whole life to do stuff like that!. If you don't love your fiance then tell him and leave. I think that is a must given the situation you now find yourself in.
Now as you are only 17 I am pretty sure that makes your "relationship" with your 35 year old "boyfriend" illigal.
I am sure you are a nice girl, however I wonder what it is your 35 year old boyfriend and you have in common given the 18 year age gap. Ask yourself is this an easy relationship for him to be in? (is it just a sex thing?) I know its hard to ask these questions and you are not in a position that you can't afford to.
Secondly, is he going to be supportive of you when you eventually tell him you are only 17? You have to prepare yourself for the fact that he may well not be.
YOU MUST TELL HIM THAY YOU ARE CARRYING HIS CHILD AND THAT YOU ARE ONLY 17 (only a child yourself).
Darling, my other peice of advice is to continue to study. Learn more and get a better education.
Harsh advice I know, but it needs to be said.
I hope it all works out for you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 April 2008):
 First I have to say, I'm really sorry you grew up with the parents you had. There is absolutely no excuse treating their child in the way they treated you. With that being said, which is a bit connected. Have you ever heard of abnormal attachment? That's where a girl your age falls for an older person, not just to find love and happiness, but girls desire a bonding they would normally have from their father. When they don't receive that at home, they tend to find it else where. I'm not judging that is exactly what created the attraction, but it could be a possiability.
It sure seems as younger people can pass as a bit older these days. We had a 16 year old girl at the house visiting her 17 year old boyfriend. My brother was over, and told me later, dang his mom sure did start having children young.
I think in your case, you know what you have to do, you just don't want to do it. Relationships are built on honesty. You have to tell him your real age. Do you think it will be the age that bothers him, or the fact that you weren't up front and truthful with him? It's very important you begin truth now. That is the only possiable solution to this problem. Now having his child. If I was in his shoes, I might overlook the untruth because (1) You owned up with honesty (2) A child is coming.
I know this will be difficult. You're in a new place. The life as an adult with your first difficult adult obstical to overcome. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom +, writes (9 April 2008):
Oh dear,
Sweetheart you are too young to be dealing with all this. I know you don't want to hear that but it's true. It saddens me that your parents are not supportive of you. I think you need to take some time and speak to a professional and get help. I don't think having or keeping this baby is really an option for you at the moment. You have your whole life to do stuff like that!. If you don't love your fiance then tell him and leave. I think that is a must given the situation you now find yourself in.
Now as you are only 17 I am pretty sure that makes your "relationship" with your 35 year old "boyfriend" illigal.
I am sure you are a nice girl, however I wonder what it is your 35 year old boyfriend and you have in common given the 18 year age gap. Ask yourself is this an easy relationship for him to be in? (is it just a sex thing?) I know its hard to ask these questions and you are not in a position that you can't afford to.
Secondly, is he going to be supportive of you when you eventually tell him you are only 17? You have to prepare yourself for the fact that he may well not be.
YOU MUST TELL HIM THAY YOU ARE CARRYING HIS CHILD AND THAT YOU ARE ONLY 17 (only a child yourself).
Darling, my other peice of advice is to continue to study. Learn more and get a better education.
Harsh advice I know, but it needs to be said.
I hope it all works out for you.
...............................
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