A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi ya all,I really need some help with building my low self-esteem. I'm always anxious that my boyfriend is going to leave me or pulling away that I can't seriously go on like this. If he doesn't text me I feel physically sick and worried its taking over my life. so I've concluded I need to work on my self belief and be the happy carefree woman I was before I met him. I need tips on how though. I'm currently waiting to start cbt to help control my anxiety but any other advice on actual techniques would be great.Thank you.X
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female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 I went through this. Therapy will work wonders (I attended group therapy for about a month), but I also needed to be placed on a low dose of an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication, which I take daily. Besides all that, however, what helps me most is just knowing that if it is meant to be, it will be. No relationship is guaranteed, not even for married couples, so instead of worrying and feeling constant anxiety when we are not together.I just focus on myself, and on trusting that he's not going anywhere. Does your boyfriend know about the anxiety? It was hard, but I filled my boyfriend in on mine (leaving out just how extreme my anxiety actually was for fear he would think I was a total weirdo), but he knew the basics of it, and even went to see a counselor with me once so he could understand what I was going through. It's hard to have this type of anxiety, but you will get through it. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and my anxiety lasted from December of 2011 til September of 2012 when I finally got treatment. And since then, I have felt great and our relationship is fantastic. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to talk further, since I know exactly what you're going through. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): I will tell you a little story and I hope it helps you. I am single for the last week, because of low self-esteem. I made my boyfriend not happy to be with me anymore by being paranoid. Every time he went out without me I couldn’t relax. I would shake in my bed while trying to sleep and my heart rate was so fast. Anxiety is the worst feeling anyone can go through. And obviously stems from low confidence. Since he is gone I have joined the gym to release some of that pent up energy. And not only has it released some stress but I have lost weight and that in turn has increased my confidence. I am not saying there is anything wrong with you, but when you feel good about yourself on the outside it reflects how you feel on the inside. Work on this, get your own hobbies and interests when he is not around, learn to love yourself and he will love you too. Do not make the same mistake I made. I did nothing in the relationship to get over my anxiety. Take the action. Have a positive outlook. Surround yourself with positivity and you will get there day by day. I wish you all the best. You are not alone. Don’t ever forget that.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (9 March 2013):
 Your CBT will cover a lot of this, but here are a couple of things you can do in the meantime.
1. Reduce your caffeine intake (that includes chocolate).
2. Exercise is a good outlet for all that pent up energy. I'm not talking about a 2 hour heart pumping, sweat fest, but 10-15 minutes of sit ups, pushup and stretches. A little before bed would help you sleep better.
3. Re-evaluate your music and movie tastes. Hard, fast paced, violent songs and films will influence your mood. Take some time out now and then to listen to more peaceful music.
Anxiety is about a fear of loss of control. The more reliant you are on others for happiness and security, the more at their mercy, vulnerable, and therefore anxious you will be.
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