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female
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anonymous
writes: how can i calm down my boyfriend of almost 3 months?he has asperbergers syndrome and he is just too hyper and I tell him what i want but he doesn't seem to get it. he hardly is romantic. he moved down here to texas from utah for me. he wants a long term relationship that runs into getting married and so do i. and our sex life is good but i want it to have that extra oomph to it. his voice always seems like he's never serious. i want to stop with the joking around and get serious and get really close. I'm jealous of other couples because we are not like that. I told him how I felt recently and he said we would... I want to have serious relationship and feel close to him rather than like a friend almost. I also want to have better sex too. he's into the whole "leather scene" and I m not, and I know why, I'm afraid to experiment.... I want to know:How can I spice up our sex life?how can i calm him down?how can I help him get serious?how can I help to get us closer than ever before?How can i stop the incessant worrying?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): I expect you have read a lot of literature about Aspergers so you must be aware that he does not think the same way as you do. You may be asking the impossible by thinking that he can understand and react to the subtlety of emotions. They normally have one or two obsessive interests like stamp collecting or in your case (unfortunately because you are not comfortable )leather. It may be you that has to change expectations and see if you can live with him as he is. Perhaps get some professional advice. My ex husband had Aspergers and although we made love twice a day it always followed a regimented regime. Even if I had flu. In the end I did not stick with it because I am very emotional and it felt like cruelty even though I don't think he was being so on purpose. On the other hand I know someone married to a university professor who has it (they are often clever as I think you know)and with help in changing her perceptions they are happily together. Not an easy one, so good luck.
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