A
female
age
18-21,
stephytee87
writes:All my other posts have been about how i love my ex and want him back. I still have feelings for him, but over 3 weeks have passed and i have had suspicions he dumed me for someone else although he strongly denies it. I took his stuff round and dumped it, and slapped him pretty hard. I feel ashamed for hitting him, it came out of nowhere.Basically, i can't get over him. I thought that i could, but my life seems empty without him. Uni has slid and i really can't get into it again, and i cry every day, still unable to eat properly. I have other pressures too and money and debt worries and im just a mess basically.My mum suggested seeing a councillor. What do you think? I not only mourn for the love i lost, but also for the stability, the hope and the future i thought i had and now its gone so unexpectedly. Hes moved on and seems happy, but im stuck behind in my own misery.I apologised for slapping him and sayig he was cheating, although i still dont know what to believe.I didnt want to leave things on a bad note.I need help and fulfillment. Can anyone advise me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Being heartbroken is truly awful. I know, I've just finished an 18 month relationship (4 weeks ago) and I've never ever known anything to hurt so much. There's not really anything very much that anybody can say to you - people try but none of it helps very much. It's something you have to go through, there's no escaping it unfortunately.
But there are things you can do to make it easier, many of them practical. No matter how much you love somebody, you can't help but lose a bit of yourself when you become involved, and regaining yourself is a real positive to come out of a break up. Spend time doing things you like doing - even if you can't settle to anything spend a bit of time doing nice things. Getting some form of physical exercise is brilliant as exercise releases seratonin, the body's feel good chemical. And when you want to cry, let yourself cry - stress hormones are secreted in tears so it is beneficial in the short term, and in the long term bottling up your feelings won't do you any good. When I cry I tell myself "that's one less time I have to cry over this."
I think it's a really good idea to have something to aim for. Think of something you've been wanting to do and make a commitment to do it. The more planning it takes, the better as it gives you something else to focus on. I'm a week ahead of you and this week I feel so very much better than I did last week or the week before or the week before that. I've been through all the phases you're supposed to go through - denial, sadness, anger ..... And every time they come back they're not as bad as they were the time before.
And remember, if he was the one for you, you'd still be with him. I understand that you can't imagine it now, but that means that there's somebody even better waiting for you at some point in the future :o)
Good luck
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 March 2008):
 Get back the control over your life. No one should control your life least of all him.
You do not have to depend on anyone for your happiness.Drummed that into your mind.
You create your own happiness. Tackle one problem at a time and soon you will have a smother journey.
Don't become a mental and emotional cripple .
You are a whole woman, even if you have no man.
You don't need a man to provide you the happiness.
Take one step at a time and live one day at a time and do not think too far or too much .
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