A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, can anyone help with a self-esteem issue? I'm mid 40's and now find myself alone. I'm suffering from very low self-esteem, not helped by the sudden loss of hair, so I'm now 'thin on top' and I although I'm quite toned and female friends say I'm attractive and have a GSOH, I cannot see this and feel unattractive to women. I've become depressed and feel worthless which surely radiates off me. All I see is a balding, depressed and lonely man who deep down has a lot to give but is caught in a downward spiral. Has anyone used hynotherapy to help?Any uplifting advice or comments would be great. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (13 April 2008):
 Reading your posting and followup, to me, it's clear that you are very lonely, thus causing the depression. Now lonliness is a state of mind, isn't it. Loneliness is something you create. It's not whether you are dating an array of females...or you are losing your hair. You just sound like you are downright lonely. And with lonliness comes the depression, the sadness and the low self-esteem. And that is what you are projecting to others. Get a grip on that, dear. Make yourself available and begin to care for other people, in a genuine way. I think...everyone needs to take responsibility in their life and initiate friendships. You said, "I feel so low having lost my hair and feel so ignored as so many woman (not all) just look straight past me". So what! I know plenty of nice fellows with very little hair that have amazing lovely female dating partners, in their lives. But what many of them did after evaluating their shortcomings in life, gave themselves a 'reality' check and began looking for a women more suited to their own age and interests.
So I need to ask, what was your dating life like, before the hair loss, Hun? And just what type of woman were you dating (age, level of attractiveness) and where did you find them?? I guess I am trying to figure out if you are looking in the right places and if you are trying to date the 'right' women, for your life.. What worked for you before, may not now. Mid-life is not a crisis..it's an transisiton. It's all part of the life cycle and you are being hit hard with some realities you don't like. Listen, we all age, and our bodies change so one has to keep allowing their "outlook and mindset" to change, as well. You move with the times. I feel, people who are able to appreciate themselves, with all their imperfections, are also able to appreciate others, with their imperfections. Physical attractiveness is not the core of the person-- their spirit, their heart and soul encompass all. So perhaps you are looking at the wrong ladies. As you value another person you will be part of that chain reaction which causes you to blossom and value yourself.
So take a hard look at what type of lady you are trying hard to attract...you know the one that look straight past you. Maybe you need to accept that those females are no longer the one's for your life. Learn to love that cute bald head...and others will, too. Hope you can get past this physical change and accept yourself just for who you are. Be strong and try your best to accept who you are. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to everyone for your quick replies. My first thoughts are that physical appearance are so important for the initial contact, you have to find someone attractive to talk to them, but I feel so low having lost my hair and feel so ignored as so many woman(not all) just look straight past me. I'm sorry, I just feel that so down about that - and I won't wear a wig, I have to accept the loss of hair with some grace, but I do feel at a great disadvantage
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A
female
reader, MRS BEAR +, writes (13 April 2008):
 You have good friends who care that is a good start, do more enjoyable things with them. What about lonely hearts columns or internet dating - atleast that way people can see you and you can see them and you get to know each other in a different way before you actually meet up?You could try a hypnotherapy theres nothing to lose?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers + ♥, writes (13 April 2008):
Hypnotherapy might help but to be honest I think you just need kick up the arse therapy.
You know these feelings aren't real, you know you have a lot to give.
So stop telling yourself you are a huge victim and get out there and have a great time. Go out with your friends and flirt and meet new people.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, VegasGirl15  +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Hey !!!
There is nothing to worry about!!! you seem like a great guy !!! As for the hair thing don't sweat it !!! Worrying makes you lose more hair anyway ... there are plenty of fine men who are completely bald and still look good!! There are guys as old and 82 and still getting all the ladies !!!! You just gotta get out there and strut your stuff !!! don't let somthing as minor as hair loss stand in your way !!! There are lots of women who find that attractive . And I'm not just saying that. And even if you are depressed don't let the world know it ! IF you don't have self confidence fake it !!! and eventually it will become a habit and then just a way of life !!! :)
The best thing you can do for your self is look in the mirror take a long hard look at the man in front of you and tell your self all the things you like about yourself . Don't focus on the things you don't like that will get you no where ....
And another thing (most guys don't like the idea of this but I'm going to say it anyway) what about a wig .... or somthing like that ... I don't really suggest it but it is an option .
Get out there and show the world what you have to offer and don't let anything hold you back !!
thats the best advice I know to give and I hope it helped you in some way !!!
I wish you the very best and I hope that everything works out for you
*~VG~*
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A
female
reader, tick-tick-boom +, writes (13 April 2008):
 Hey man i know what you mean.
I know its real hard to deal with low self esteem when you feel totaly alone.
I dont think i can give you much advice because im on a different level to you but just know you aren't alone and sometimes its nice to just hear that.
Ways of boosting your esteem:
Do try to stay positive.
Talk to your friends for advice and comfort
Go out and meet people/ join a club
Talk to people who feel the same
do things that intrest you (It makes me feel better replying to peoples problems)
Just remember and think of good, plesant things and try not to get too down.
Good Luck! X
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