A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:okay so back in june my teacher wasnt allowed to talk to me or for me to speak to him either, but im kinda missing him since i havent spoken to him in around two months now but im debating whether or not to go to his house, yes, i have been before, but im just so confused over how to carry on should i? shouldnt i? im just confused!! wish someone would just point me in the correct direction!thnks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  + ♥, writes (25 July 2008):
 Fairy Lu has the direction right on, away from him.
You need to start thinking potential plans through to their eventual outcome, I think you're caught up in magical thinking here.
What is the purpose of the visit?
What is he likely to say/do?
What do you want to say/do?
Will the hurt and worry of the last year wash away just because?
Is he still your teacher, are you out of school?
Scenario A, you waltz over to his house, ring the doorbell, it opens, he takes one look at you and sweeps you into his arms, and says, 'marry me'!!! And everyone lives happily ever after.
Scenario B, you go over to his house, ring the doorbell, it opens, he sees who it is, and suddenly stands motionless and expressionless, he says 'hello, what brings you here?' You tell him that you've been missing him and he says, without budging from the door, 'well, sorry to hear that. Please don't come by anymore, I don't want to cause any more trouble and I need my job.' And the door closes with you still on the doorstep. Or even worse, he looks through the keyhole and doesn't even answer the door.
Which one is more likely? Which one is closer to the truth? You need to start thinking realistically and working through the problem of your feelings to the logical possible outcomes.
It seems there has been a lot of drama already, and you seem bent on causing more. Please, I understand you have these strong feelings, everyone gets them for somebody they can't be with at one time or another, but it's how you deal with them that matters. And your behaviour has consequences, as you have discovered.
Think!!
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu + ♥, writes (25 July 2008):
 Thank you huni for the link.
My advice i think you should just leave him alone and dont go to his house i think he would be taking advantage of you, you are young and there are plenty of people out there dont waste you time on him.
The direction you should go is the one thats away from him
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A
female
reader, Sputnixx +, writes (24 July 2008):
ooooooooh ok! So you're 15. ok.. that's not ok... I know 15 and 17/18 are only 2 or 3 years apart.. but at that age those 2 or 3 years do make a big difference. I believe you should ignore him. I don't know how old this man is... but he should not be messing with someone your age.
I just noticed you're in the UK. Well, I don't know what your laws are over there.. but he may be in some serious trouble if he in fact did cross the line.. and if you've been to his home before he very much has. I'm sorry you have to go through this. This man did not put you in a good situation.
In my situation... I was already living on my own, paying my own bills, was of legal age and he was young. Your situation... I think this man might need some help... or to grow up.
Listen, I know it's hard... but you need to focus on where you are in life and let him do the same. What happened wasn't appropriate and I think it was probably a wake up call for him if he hasn't contacted you in 2 months. If you do care about him... do what he didn't do for you.. and think about what is best for him. Cause I think in the end that will be what is best for you too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-should-i-do-about-this-teacher-problem.html
that was it :)
x
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A
female
reader, Sputnixx +, writes (24 July 2008):
Strange I came across this question. I actually ended up marry a teacher. So I find myself oddly qualified to steer you.. lol.
I don't know who is saying you and him cannot speak. But it is best for now. You are 16 or 17.. and soon you will be out of school. Once you are out of school you may develop a relationship (be it a friendship or more) with him if there really is anything there. You do not want to press right now... how would you feel if he lost his career over you? Depending on what state you are in... it could be criminal. If you are of the age of legal consent in your state and it is a mutual relationship it is not legally criminal.. it is just broken school policy and he can and will be fired for it... if you are not the age of legal consent then you have to VERY much back off right now. Losing a job is one thing, but a criminal record with a sex offender title can and will ruin his life.
If he is more than 15 years older than you, married, or is like this with any other student or younger person... I would say you need to VERY MUCH not get involved in anyway.. now or later. It is fairly common and normal for a man in his 20s to have a relationship with an older teenager.. but if this is a habit for him or if he is older.. he may have bigger issues than you ever want to deal with.
& lastly, if he is following the rules of not speaking with you... I would take that and understand that he's trying not to rock the boat. Perhaps you want to respect that...? I feel he has a lot more to lose in this situation and it would be best if he is going to lose it.. that HE be the one to make the decision to contact or see you. If he's willing to change careers for you.. best of luck! If not.. :-/
If you want to speak with this at all in more detail.. I would be more than happy to! I've seen all the ups and downs that can happen in this situation with years of hindsight.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu + ♥, writes (24 July 2008):
Heya some background info on this would be great as i dont have a clue whats going on with you and your teacher.
But as he is your teacher its against the law to date him if thats what your asking, he would loose his job and could get into serious trouble.
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