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I miss my clingy ex-boyfriend

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 December 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *oneHeart writes:

I just broke up with my extremely clingy boyfriend, and I feel so lonely without him. The relationship became abusive because of his jealousy and clinginess. I know that the best thing for me to do was break up with him. I lost most of my friends because of him and now I just feel like I miss him because I was always with him. What should I do?

View related questions: broke up, jealous, my ex

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A female reader, LoneHeart United States +, writes (13 December 2009):

LoneHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your help with the advise on the clingy boyfriend. I did end up talking to him on the phone because he called to say he was sorry for all the things he did and said. It didn't make me feel any better, but I remembered all the advise you guys gave me and I just went with my gut instinct, which was to stay away from him. Even if I do miss him, he creates an unhealthy environment for me.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (4 December 2009):

Illithid agony auntI just got out of a several year relationship with a girl that insisted on seeing me six days a week, or more, and left me little to no time for anyone or anything else. I know the breakup was right, and I know it's healthier for me without her, but it still hurt and left me pretty lost because she was the majority of my life for so long.

But all I can say is what has been helping me. I've been seeing my friends as much as possible (even if you only have a couple, lean on them), I've been trying new things to get me out of the house (in my case I started Tae Kwon Do classes), I've tried getting back out into the dating scene (even though all I got out of it so far is a new friend), and I'm trying to get back into old hobbies.

Just keep yourself occupied and keep talking with your friends. If you truly are better off without this guy, then just keep busy until you get used to life without him. I've only been broken up for three months, and we were engaged before the breakup, and I'm pretty used to my new life now.

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A female reader, [email address blocked] United States +, writes (4 December 2009):

[email address blocked] agony auntIt sucks. Believe me. I went through the same thing a year ago (on top of losing my grandma the same day I broke up up with my possessive and emotionally abusive boyfriend). And it's hard, incredibly hard. I think the best thing is to try to reconnect with some of those friends you think you lost. I was in the the same position and figured I had no one since I become completely isolated and dependent on him. But I turned out to be wrong - they were waiting for their friend to come back.

You went from a relationship where you're life was completely controlled and every day was about that person. Now's the time to get to do all those things you haven't gotten to do when you were with him.

It will be tough. You'll want to talk to him. I made the mistake of talking to my ex a month after we broke up because I was so incredibly lonely. And you know what - it didn't help. I just felt worse afterwards. This is finally your chance to chose what you do - so live it up! Be strong and know that yes, things will get much, much easier! Good luck!

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A female reader, Shan25 United States +, writes (4 December 2009):

We all go thru that feeling. its your heart being in love and then trying to cope with the fact that the person is no longer in your life. whatever the reason for you guys breaking up still does matter to the heart. you mind is probably telling you to be smart and realise the situation for what it is but your heart needs time to cope

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