A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm very much into this guy i've known for several months he is sober and in a 12 step program as I am and I guess that for me is me a bit of comfort. Having a similar background not having to explain myself to himI know he likes me but he also claims to be a sex addict and I myself have codependency issues with Addicts. Still I have often told him I won't do a one night stand he agrees and then comes back to weeks later trying again then we see you tether and nothing actually happens we just have a really good time together and share a lot of good experienceReally miss him when I can't see him and I like being around him I don't know what to do do you think this is too toxic?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 I think that if both of you are over a year past recovery than it's ok. Cindy Cares is correct that folks are counseled not to START new relationships for at least the first year of recovery.
It sounds to me like he shows up when he's horny... keep saying NO to him.
do not let him know you want him more than he wants sex.. that gives him a head rush and power.
personally I'd keep sex or a relationship with him totally off the table if he shows up bugs you for sex then disappears for weeks... only to show up a few weeks later and start the "dance" all over again.
IF he can't manage to be around you and not pressure you for sex then he's not worth your time or effort.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 I thought that people in 12 steps program were supposed to stay totally away from relationships at least for all the first year of their recovery ? Isn't " no relationships during the first year of sobriety " a big important rule ?
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A
female
reader, sindy0101 +, writes (10 May 2016):
What i feel as i read your post is that if it feels right and you are both getting some happiness when you are together, how can it be wrong?
At the end of it, we are in the day that we are in and why worry about what is right for tomorrow.
I am sure as time goes on and you get to know each other more and more, you will feel in your inner safe if you should get out of whatever you are finding yourself in......maybe you were both meant to meet each other? maybe you will be good for each other and things will work out for you both?
if i were you i would take each day as it comes and just see where it leads, you will feel if its not right.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 I think that this might be a disaster waiting to happen, what exactly is it you want from him? A relationship? A partner? A friend? You need to ask yourself that first and then see is he willing to give you this. He says he is a sex addict and even though you refuse he keeps coming back and asking, it is like you are the forbidden fruit and it makes him wanting to have sex with you more appealing, therefore he will keep trying until you give in. However is it just sex you want from this man? Because it sounds like that is all he is offering at the moment. If he was interested romantically he would wait until you where ready and respect your wishes.
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