A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend when he was my personal trainer and taught the classes in my gym. We got along really well and became friends - started taking a yoga class together. There was a lot of sexual chemistry between us and eventually we gave in. He told me he had to think long and hard about dating a client (albeit I wasn't getting PT off him at that stage) because he didn't want to get a reputation. Anyway, he moved gym and I train myself in that gym at irregular times to his schedule. But there are loads of women and he trains some very attractive young women there. I'm so paranoid! While I trust him (rationally) - my irrational insecurities make me worry that he will fall for one of his clients again... I know that when he first started working in a gym it's where he met his previous girlfriend but that was many years ago. How to I reassure myself and relax about the whole thing. It's his job I get it. I'm just a worrier!!! I feel like questioning him (who's that blonde you were training the other day) stuff like that and that's not fair on him! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, auntieJ +, writes (25 September 2014):
 Hmm...How long have you been with him? I wasn't suspicious of this guy until I read that he was with someone directly before going with you!
Did he dump her to be with you?
Was it long term?
If so then I can see him doing the exact same to you as well unfortunately.
It also seems rather naive to think he's not checking out other woman even if he's told you that himself...OF COURSE he's going to tell you he doesn't look at other woman!
Also another red flag is he want to run a gym targeted at woman,so he has easy pickings maybe?
Am not saying this to hurt you just to try & make you see your situation through a non loved up point of view.
If you had both been single when you began your 'flirtationship' he'd be sounding a lot more genuine than he does to me right now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): Op here. He seemed blind to the fact that I was flirting outrageously with him for weeks when I was with him. He never really checks out girls or pervs on them at all. Kinda geeky...
I couldn't ask him to change career - he loves training people (men and women!). In fact there are three of us - myself, him and another trainer opening up a gym. I will be on the marketing end but it's targeted at women lol.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Then your worries are founded. Maybe he didn't cheat, but obviously he had a roving eye when he met you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 I can't blame you for your concerns after all there are temotations in that job description. Look at how you two met. Maybe he could change jobs?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): OP here. Yes he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend when we met but he said that he wouldn't cheat on her with me because she's a nice girl and he wouldn't hurt her.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 September 2014):
Hey! I think bald is hot!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): I suspect he won't be your boyfriend for long. Either that, or you'll have to overcome your insecurity. He's not going to stand for your interrogations and suspicions. Does he only train women?
This is what happens when you let "sexual-chemistry" do all your thinking. You should have given him the "insecurity" quality-control check. Making sure you were mentally-prepared to deal with his profession; and not be the insecure girlfriend from hell.
Insecurity kills relationships! There, I said it again!
Well, no relationship comes without risk. It comes down to trust, and whether you're up to the challenge.
I assure you, if you're not; it will be over as quickly as it began.
Frankly, if I were he; I wouldn't hesitate to show you the door if all you had to offer is distrust and insecurity.
Show him the door, if he can't keep his member in his jockstrap. If he doesn't own the gym, he'll jeopardize his job and credibility.
Now here's an opportunity to exercise maturity, restraint, over-come trust-issues, and do your part to make a relationship work. If it was strictly physical, it won't last anyway.
Resist urges to spy, to question in suspicion, and to put your man through the wringer. Only because his job is to personally train clients, who may happen to be female. He was careful with you before you dated. Why couldn't he practice that same professionalism and self-control with other female clients?
Don't sabotage things right at the start. You may prove something that a lot of "insecure" females will not admit. It isn't always the fault of men hurting them that they are insecure. Some are just jealous and possessive, and lack the ability to handle an adult relationship. They hide behind the word "insecurity;" because it's easier than being strong, and it's also how they shove it down a guy's throat to put up with it. "I was hurt by other men." Well, that was other men!!! Everyone gets hurt sooner or later.
Punish the guy who hurt you!
Otherwise; go find yourself a middle-aged, chubby, balding, nerdy, bespectacled-accountant (with a small penis); who works from home. Then you got it licked.
You will never have an average to good-looking healthy heterosexual boyfriend; that will not attract or get attention from other females. They may test him. That's just the nature of human interactions, regardless of profession. He knows a guy has to fight temptation, prove himself, be professional; or he'll never have anyone to love him. He also has to trust you. Women cheat too!
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 While it's easier said then done try not to dwell on it. Especially if he is not communicating with any of his clients outside of work.
Take a deep breath and use your energy to improve your relationship with him. Enjoy your time with him.
Another good way to take your mind off his clients is to enjoy alone time. Pamper yourself! Spoil yourself when you are by yourself and do activities that make you feel good.
Girl time with your friends is also really important!
Most importantly use your time to be productive instead of worrying.
Good Luck! :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 September 2014):
The real question is this:
When you met him, was he single, or was he with someone else and cheated on this person with you?? If the answer is that he was with someone else and cheated on her with you, then yes, you should be worried.
However, if the answer was that he was single and available, then what are you worried about?? He is either loyal and faithful or he isn't. If he was single when he met you, then it's not the same conditions when he's working that he was before.
Your insecurity will rob you of the fun part of being in a relationship. If he's a cheater, he'll cheat whether or not you're freaking out about it, and if he's not a cheater, then your insecurity will foul and stunt a really good thing.
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