A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes: Hi! I'm currently a in college, and have recently gotten out of a relationship about five months ago. He was my first relationship and first love, as we talked for months over the summer before I entered college. He was very respectful and we did not even kiss until well into the first few weeks of college. He was funny and shared my same sense of humor. All in all, the relationship was great; however, we felt we needed to end it because of our differences. It took me a little while to get over him, but eventually I came to terms with it and was happy with our decision. I met a few other people after we broke up and entered another short lived relationship (we made things official too quickly and ultimately I felt like we weren't ready for it) so we broke up on very good terms and are still friends. I have been talking to this guy who I coincidentally met soon after through one of my good friends. At first, we just conversed casually, until we eventually hung out for the first time. The first time I noticed that he was different than any other guy I have ever met because he was that he was the only guy that ever took me on a real "date" as in, he took me to a restaurant and offered to pay. He didn't call me at the late hours of the night asking to "come over" or anything of that matter. I was genuinely surprised by his respectful and mature behavior. After that, we continued to talk and I decided to ask him to go to Church with me. To my surprise, he agreed and we went together, and I believe that was the moment that I realized he really was genuine. To be quite honest and straight with my question/advise seeking, I'm not really sure how to handle how I feel being that I have never met anyone so genuine and someone who makes me want to be a better person. I don't know if this could possibly even be too good to be true?Any advise on how to handle this would be much appreciated, thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): He better be good to you sweetheart; or your dad and I are coming for him!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, WiseOwlE! I didn't mean to make it sound as if I thought all men are the same, at all, and I apologize if it came out like that. You are completely right saying that my father must be a good role model as to what to look for characteristically in a person!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017): Don't place anyone up on a pedestal. It's okay to be impressed and to acknowledge someone for his good character; and having a solid forthcoming personality. You have a keen eye! I just want to reboot your mindset.
You are very young, and getting exposure to different male-personalities will teach you things; and will expand your knowledge about men beyond stereotypes and generalizations. Mostly based on a few bad experiences; or what you've been told by others.
Please don't be so surprised that there are decent men out there. It is such an insult. You've found yourself a good one!
It is tough to stay a good man and dodge the bullets. For all the male-bashing and sexist commentary good-men have to endure. Yes, there are a lot of jerks and dicks out there.
They do not define our gender, and are not true representatives of manhood. sorry for those who got in your way!
I try my best to educate and reassure women as much as I can. I try to avert cynical notions and bad perceptions about us men. I have a great up-bringing and I try to be a good man. I hate some of the ugly comments thrown at our gender; then have to listen to how we hurt women. Many blind to their own faults. Always victims, never the culprit. Demanding a good prince, when she's the wicked witch in the story!
We don't all hurt women. They do have choices. They're not all angels. We may not always expose our emotions; but we bleed when you cut us, and we may fightback our tears. We have functioning tear-ducts. Our hearts can break, and we feel pain.
Nice-guys often get overlooked, taken advantage of, or totally dismissed; because we may not be as sexy or standout like the tools and bad-boys out there. Machismo is mistaken for true masculinity. We often get faulted for the bad choices made before we come along; and it is expected for us to eventually prove that all men are the same. Are all women the same?
There are popular generalizations. Some men live-up to them, but that doesn't mean we all do. Finding a good man or woman is like hunting for treasure. They are precious and not easy to find. Once you find one, be good to them; because they deserve it. Don't string them along to use them up.
Don't cling to the ideal of him. Assuming he's a good-catch and you may not find another like him. Sometimes good-guys are lead-on by women who just want them. Just because they're nice, but they really don't feel anything for them. That's unfair. So make sure any feelings you may develop come from the right place, and for the right reasons. Be honest. Keep your eyes and ears open. Just to be sure he's sincere.
You're a nice girl, so you were blessed with someone who seems to be an easy match. Don't be fooled by first-impressions. Keep your feelings in-check, until you become better acquainted. Wait to get to see him through his moods. Evaluate how he handles his anger; and observe and listen to his general opinions about things. Go slow and easy.
I hope he's the right guy. You seem to be looking for the right things in a guy. Something tells me your father has been a good role-model for you; and your mom chose someone for herself that was good for raising a daughter. Even if he might be your step-father.
I hope your new guy works out for you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 June 2017):
 I don't see anything to worry about from what you write. But maybe YOU just need to go a bit slower.
Spend time with him, be it going for a cup of coffee or a walk in the park - he seems to have "old fashioned" manners and I don't think that is a bad thing.
Talk about things you enjoy, he enjoys - thing you believe in, favorite books, movie, food, values, morals, etc.
You can't KNOW how good a "fit" he is unless you get to know him.
I do see why you are questioning if he is "too good to be true" because you are SO used to guys being more transparent - like calling late at night hoping for a roll in the hay, not taking you out on dates etc. I get it, he is DIFFERENT from what you have experienced before but maybe that is a GOOD thing?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 Go with the flow and get to know him better. Good people do exist and it's great that you've met one. Don't question his goodness; embrace it instead and let's just hope that this will be one happy story :)
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 sounds like he is good for you , don't look too much into things i all is well enjoy , hope all stays going that way for you , it is all any of us look for ,
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 June 2017):
 Why question it?
If you're happy, go with it. There's no signs of any red flags from what you've described so I really wouldn't start thinking too deep into things and running the risk of self sabotaging the relationship.
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