New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I met a nice man but don't connect or feel physically attracted. Do I end things or settle?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 January 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2017)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

Hello need your help. I am a 53 year old single mother. I have been single for 17 years and started dating 7 years ago. Was busy going to school, taking care of ailing parents and raising my kids. Have had two serious 6 month relationships and one 3 month, that ran its course. I have had some bad experiences the last few years, men putting pressure on me for sex way to soon. I finally met a nice man. He is a gentleman and we have some things in common. The issue is that we have been seeing each other for only a few weeks, but I I really don't see a connection other than friendship. We talk everyday and I find it hard to find things to talk about and not really interested in getting physical at all. I don't feel a connection to him. There is no flirting or playfulness. Iam to the point of wanting to break things off with him. I do want a serious relationship, but feel we aren't a good match. I don't think we are right for each other. Should I continue, since he is a nice guy,settle because he is the only option right now. Or should I look for a true and meaningful connection?Am I asking for to much?

View related questions: flirt

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017):

If he is taking things slowly, couldn't you develop a meaningful connection? Why dismiss him so fast when you say yourself you wanted to take things more slowly.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (23 January 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntNo never just settle, it is not fair to either off you. If you are already struggling to find things to talk about then its not a good sign. I would just be honest with him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (22 January 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf you find it hard to find things to talk about, and if you feel no connection to this nice guy, then he is simply not for you.

It is not fair on yourself or him to keep things going if you are sure they will lead nowhere. Keeping him ticking over just because there is nobody else on the scene is selfish, and you don't sound like a selfish person to me, so this will not sit well with you and will leave you feeling guilty.

Be honest. Say you just don't feel enough of a connection to him to want to carry on the relationship. Tell him he deserves someone who will be totally into him, and end it quickly and cleanly.

There is someone out there who will be right for you. Just keep looking.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017):

There is no flirting or playfulness ? But if there was would you feel more of a connection?

He is behaving like a gentleman and showing you respect.

Now you have been seeing each other for a few weeks, which is not very long at all, and this complete gentleman has not groped you and not put pressure on you for sex. So you have decided that he is not the one.

Tell him that you are not sure if he finds you attractive or not. He is sticking around and he is being respectful and behaving in a way that true gentleman do behave.

He is waiting for a signal from you. Yes it is the old fashioned way but such gems of men are hard to find.

Once he is aware that you want to feel more wanted and more appreciated then is the time to discover if he feels a physical attraction for you.

The alternative is a fly by night guy who expects sex on the first date and vanishes a week later when he is bored and moves on to his Miss 10,001.

Talk to this man and tell him how you are feeling and what your expectations are.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2017):

All you need to do is tell him the TRUTH. Why are you making it so complicated? Tell him what you have told us. Perhaps he is also interested in just friendship or companionship and does not feel a romantic connection either. It is best to clear this up now and not months down the road. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. But just tell him. Would there by anything wrong with just being friends? And if he liked you more, well, then it would be his choice on how to proceed. Could he handle a friendship only or would it be too much for him? Your honesty will give him the right to choose. The sooner, the better. Be honest. It is always the right thing to do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2017):

Who says the man has to be anything but a friend? If he isn't making any romantic-overtures or any subtle passes; just go with the flow. He may only be interested in female companionship, and not much more than that.

Ladies have to learn that all interactions with eligible men don't lead to a relationship, or to the alter. Some just want to date long-term. Sometimes a guy likes a lady to talk to, to accompany him to social events, and to be a sweet and gentle friend. To discuss stuff you can't really discuss with another guy. To enjoy your feminine-charms, without the necessity of sex.

Don't lead him on if he is being romantic or discussing plans that are really an indication he's falling for you. Nip that in the bud.

Don't play a guy along because it's convenient and better than being alone. That is deceptive and it isn't fair. You'll end up hurting his feelings. It's best to be honest. Then let him decide and explain what it is he really wants from you.

Too often ladies (and gay men) snap up a good guy; because he's a good catch. That's quite selfish and opportunistic. The purpose is to use and take advantage of the guy's feelings, milk his wallet, or put him on hold until you find someone you're really looking for. Then dump him. I've seen it happen even among people I thought to be nicer than that.

You say he's a gentleman. Then be a lady, and let him know now that you're not growing romantic feelings. However; be cautious, because feelings do take time, and you don't know him. In fact, you haven't known him long enough to know what you feel. You can feel immediate attraction today, and not give a hoot by the end of next week. The most solid emotional/romantic-connections take time to take-hold, and to progress into real feelings.

Give it a few more weeks; but if you still feel numb, be honest.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I met a nice man but don't connect or feel physically attracted. Do I end things or settle?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.031237000002875!