A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I've been dating a girl for 7 months now, she's two-and-a-half years older than me, and the time with her so far has been great.. except one thing.I am jealous quite often. Jealousy started when she by accident mentioned a guy she was in a romantic friendship (not a relationship, because they live in two different countires) she has with a guy via skype. Has, not had, that's what put me on alert, when I questioned her, she said that it's over, she just recently told him that nothing is going to happen going forward. That was when we were dating for two months.Two months later she forgot her phone in my car and when I came to work I heard a message beep... I admit, I mustn't have read it, but the message was from this guy.. viewing it showed me the full history of their chat, there were gaps though, some sent and received messages were deleted. Messages themselves were flirty and they were talking to each other, even after my gf said they stopped. (f.e. msg was smth along the lines 'sweet dreams, kisses etc etc'). After I've asked her about it, she said that it was just friendship, it means nothing to her, h/e after I told her: 'imagine you saw my msg to some girl with similar content, would you be happy, honestly?' She said no and admitted that she shouldn't have chatted with him or should've at least told me honestly about it.Now, sorry for long pre-ambula, since that case I've been jealous ever since, and sometimes, I feel like she's purposely playing on this feeling I am not proud of. Like for example, she and her colleagues went on a trip, teambuilding stuff etc, I insisted that I would drop her off there, to which, after certain disagreements, she agreed. Day before she left, I asked what kind of activities her employer has organised, and she just said, oh we're gonna drink beer and play the bottle, and maybe cards.. Felt really quite unpleasant to hear this, she was joking (although she knows my reaction and feelings perfectly well), but I was still suspicious.. On the day, she dressed in very very very short shorts and a tank top, which again, I found suspicious (she doesn't usually dress open, she never dressed open when were on our first date, or just in general when we spend time in a public place, but when it comes to work, she usually chooses fairly open stuff).. And there are a couple or more examples where she knows that her certain words or actions would hurt me and make me suspicious, but she still does/uses them. Moreover, during weekends she switches off her phone, or doesn't pick the phone up for about half-a-day and then says that she was either asleep or in the garden or she was having a fight with her mother or she just wanted to be alone. When I ask for more details, in a friendly, never pressing manner ('what happened babe, do you want to talk about it?') she never answers.. At this point, I feel like it's falling apart.. Trying to be open with her never works, she never answers the questions she doesn't want to answer, never says I don't want to talk about it (if you don't, that's fine by me, just tell me not to worry and that's all), just changes the subject or ignores it altogether. Not once though I accused her of cheating, or have told her that I suspect her. Maybe I should? So the questions is, as always, what do I do? I want to stick to it, I love the girl but I'm just not sure that she is sincere and honest with me. Sorry to post this here, but general friends/family advice re this has been: 'she's just playing and/or using you'.
View related questions:
flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (10 July 2011):
i would split up with her she,s just playing you along and she is playing on that jealousy she is doing everything she can to wind you up if she truely loved and cared about you she would be doing everything she could to try make you feel better not playing on your jealousy good luck
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (10 July 2011):
 You're either:
A. Letting your jealousy completely take over.
B. Dating a flirty girl.
C. Your friends and family are right, she's playing you.
I actually think it's a combination of all 3. You get jealous over every text, past flings, and what she wears. Also, you trust her about as far as you can throw her. She shuts off her phone on weekends and dismisses you when you try to talk about issues with her. There goes the communication and trust in this only 7months in relationship. Trust and communication are the key ingredients to a successful relationship. If one or both those are taken away then your relationship will fall apart and finally end.
So what do you do? Don't accuse her of cheating, you have no evidence. Instead try to talk to her one last time, tell her you don't know what's the deal with these communication issues you guys have but it's really affecting the relationship. If she dismisses you again, or tells you she doesn't want to talk about it, then that's it. This is all that you will get out of her in this relationship, which seems to be less than satisfactory.
In that case, you must make the decision to dump her or to keep on being in a relationship that will end not so nicely.
...............................
|
