A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been married just short of 3 years to what works out to really be my high school sweetheart. She is a wonderful person and loves me very much. I also love her but after 15 years of being together 3 married and 12 dating on and off I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I am not in love with this women. The only reason I asked her to marry me was because she got pregnant. I wasn't in love with her before the marriage either and haven't been for quite some time. I married her thinking that just "loving her" would be enough. It's not. Now we have 2 children and I and completely unhappy. I love my children and am not sure what to do. Not to mention I have fallen in love with someone else and I'm really am totally confused. They are supportive of my relationship but they also have feelings for me. So confused. I'm really at my wits end and am worried that I'll lose all my family. I don't think leaving one for the other will actually help me. I have just started talking to someone but that has not done much. Can anyone help me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eliz1958 +, writes (6 February 2010):
Please go. I am a woman and I married because I got pregnant. I thought I too could "learn to love" my husband and I ALWAYS knew in the back of my mind that I did not love him. He seems to be content with the status quo...I am sickend. We have been together for 13 years now and have not had sex for 5 years because I feel like a whore having sex with a man I do not love. This sounds pathetic and you wonder why the hell do you stay? I have stayed so that I do not hurt his feelings. I do not know what is worse, telling him the truth that I DO NOT LOVE HIM or continuing to lie and say that everything's just peachy.
Please go so that she could find someone else!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Three years and you already have two children. Take my advice and terminate the marriage before you begin to despise your wife. Give her another chance at falling in love with a man who can return the feeling. You are not doing your children any favors by remaining in a loveless marriage. Your children deserve to grow up in a loving home and experience true love between adults, as opposed to a sense of obligation which ultimately becomes resentment. Children emulate their parents. Be a man and do the selfless thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I just want to say that the pain of not seeing my children every day and missing out on them growing up is my personal HELL! If it wasn't that I needed to keep it together so I can see them for an over night every TWO WEEKS, I think I would be dead or in jail or living in the street. It is only a small benefit to me that they don't see my and their mom fighting all the time. If I knew then what I know now... If someone could have got through my selfish, arrogant, immature mind that I would be suffering for the rest of my life... What I needed was someone to give me a kick in the ass, a slap in the face, a reality check!Adults don't want to accept that once you have children your life is not your own. Your job from the time they are born is to take care of them and provide a safe, loving home. And you are BLESSED with this. It is a GIFT that once thrown away can almost NEVER be recovered.Accept that your obligation is to work for the rest of your life to provide for your children.I know this might sound a little over the top, but I am not joking.You'll get your life back when they turn middle age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): hi everyone,
I've been with my boyfriend 6 months & he has just found out that he is father to a 3 month old baby. he had a brief fling with the mother last april& stupidly they were careless & ahd unprotected sex.
the baby was born 3 months early in october, & he only found out on monday about this when the police rang him to ask why he hadnt turned up at a court hearing about child support.
however he didnt get a letter regarding this & the mother failed to contact him to let him know she was pregnant so it was a big shock to the both of us & he is trying to sort it out with his solicitor.
he said he has no feelings for the mother & I'm nearly sure that this is true but I never thought we would be confronted with a problem like this. I never had any wish to be involved with someone who had a child already.
2 months into our relationship, he informed me that he was in fact, married & separated (from a different woman) & it took me a while to get over this. The main consolation for me then, was that no children were involved, but now it seems I was wrong. the mother says it is definitely his, apparently the dates match up & the baby looks mixed race. (hes black & the mother is white)
however now it seems cruel that our relationship is being torn apart yet again by another problem which was caused by him. we tried very hard to make this work & we even discussed getting married in a few years time when we are both ready.
I know I might souns selfish here but I'm only 21 after all (he is 28) & I never expected to be faced with a problem like this at my age. my boyfriend says we can try & get back to ''normal'' but I dont know what normal is for us. he's very upset about it as he has just returned to work after being off for 4 months after an accident & he has huge medical bills to pay.
can someone please advise me what to do? has anyone here ever been in a similar situation? I have nobody else to ask for advice as my parents would give out to me for beeing so foolish as to get involved with such a man in the first place.
Thank you.
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