A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi im 36 yrs old male and i have been married for 17 years.I have also been cheating on my wife for 6 years with a wonderful women aged 26 we have a great relationship and i love her like mad. Trouble is i love my wife as well.I dont know which way to turn so i need help. I have 3 great kids aged 12,14,16 and i dont want to see them get hurt.My wife doesnt know about my affair wot can i do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): Well I am the other woman too - but my boyfriend lives here in the states and still sends money back to wifey and kids - kids are 19 and 23... He spends money on me going out but spends all of his time in my home and expects me to spend money on projects that he starts...help feeling very resentful..he spends all of his time at my home every weekend!!!
A
female
reader, Jen5275  +, writes (7 July 2008):
Well, like a few other posters, I am in this situation as the mistress. It is really quite painful and heart wrenching, wondering what that man you love is doing right now, at home with his wife. We only live once, and why live it with somebody you're not "in" love with. Get the divorce, and go to the woman you are truly more happy with. It may be crummy at first, but dont you want to be happy? Forget about everyone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): I feel for this guy because I'm in exactly the same boat as he is... I'm 41, my wife is 42 and my two girls are 12 and 14... My wife will admit that we haven't been in love almost from when my first daughter was born. We love our kids a lot. I'm a good provider and I want my children to be happy and well adjusted as does my wife. I've asked for a separation and even recently asked for a divorce. Even though she admits that we don't love each other she really won't let me move on with a divorce either. She has basically said the kids are better off with both of us in the same household taking care of the kids...
That being said I'm now 8 months into an amazing relationship with a woman who is also my junior of 12 years and she is the first person who I can say I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of... Her father and mother were divorced at around the time when she was the same age as my kids and has indicated that it really hurt her and as a result she has indicated that she thinks it better for me to try to repair my primary relationship with my wife, however we continue to sleep together and see each other regularly. It has become a bit more challenging for her recently as she has had to explain to some friends and even some family my being in her life and that part has been extremely challenging for her...
Ultimately if she would accept me and my two beautiful girls into her life then I would ultimately move to make the divorce happen, however at this point I don't think I'll ever meet someone as amazing as this person, so if she doesn't make this decision in my favor I will ultimately regroup with my existing family and wait until the kids are out of school at which point my wife and I have already agreed would be a good time for a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I'm not sure how it happened but over the last couple of months i have become the mistress and we to love each other. The fact that you were not happy in your marriage and choose to emotionally move on to another woman says that you need to take a long look at who is going to make you happy ten years from now. Your family is your family while they might be hurt everyone heels and one day your kids will understand. As long as your still there for them after the decision has been made. You can't make anyone else happy until you figure out what you want and make your self happy. And on behalf of all the mistress, make a decision it is hell not knowing if or when your going to come to your senses and leave us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Don't you think you should have thought about that before you starting sleepng around. You say you love your wife, but be honest, were you "loving" her while you were "loving" your mistress. You are a very self-serving person who no longer deserves the family you created. Your wife deserves better than a cheater; your children deserve a better role model than you. You and your mistress "deserve" each other and the life you will have from now on. No good can come of a relationship built on lies, dishonesty, and shelfishness. Let you wife go and find herself a "true" man, not some immature child like yourself who was willing to through not only his life away, but to detroy his wife and childen's life in the process.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I don't know how exactly it happened but I myself became a mistress. The man I fell in love with seemed to also be torn between me and his wife. He told me numerous times that he loved me and would do anything for me. I was also aware that he loved his wife and his child. My best advice here is just be open and honest with both women. Figure out what the heck you really want and stick with one. It is selfish and immature of you to play both of these women, and regardless if your mistress knows she is a mistress, you are still playing with her heart and her feelings. It is also unfair of you to ask both of these women to be loyal and faithful to you since you are not being loyal or faithful to either of them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): Most of the time is isn’t about who you would rather be with. It’s about can you afford to leave. Will it be easy to live different lives, can your wife take care of her self and the children, if any? Or can you afford two house holds? If the answer is yes, leave. Leave now and hope your mistress will be able to do the same. That is; if she too, can leave her family and support them, etc. If you could keep every thing in your life, except your wife (exchange your wife for your mistress) would you then; be happy? Yes, and then leave! If you can honestly answer yes, then your spouse deserves the right to grieve you, and move on. Think of the big picture; are you comfortable in your current situation? Is this comfort a need or want? Can I accept the consequence of my actions, (people always assume consequences are bad) they can have a bitter-sweet effect. Most people stay with their spouse out of fear of change. In order to fulfill yourself, and gain life experience; you have to LIVE! Meet your basic needs and always move forward. Sometimes you find some one to can mover forward with, some must stay behind. They have lost their glory (in your life) and need to be able to overcome and triumph some other day. It is not easy, and if you are leaving for the secret Mr. or Ms. in your life make sure you are on the same page. Be prepared for the worst, because if you don’t be 100% truthful with your self and the people that will inadvertently feel the effect of your decision; you will have a very bumpy road a head, nothing good will come your way for a long time. However, the truth will set you free.
Don’t stay out of guilt or fear. At the time it hurts and hurts bad, one of those kinds of hurts that nothing subsides the pain. It is a forever thought in your mind, that life will never be joyful again. Go break some 16th century china that: great great, great granny gave to your mom so many blah, blah blah BS right up against the wall, AND FEEL BETTER.
Your not happy, find a way to be happy, make your self happy. No one will do it for you. If people get emotionally bruised, they will heal. If they don’t they need therapy. Grieving the loss of any important “thing” is a process. Deal and move forward, even if in some areas of your life you may need to step back.
Good Luck!
You can say just about anything with a Smile?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Sounds like you have a great situation. A clueless wife and a mistress who's willing to stick around for 6 years? Why would you change a thing? Sounds like you've got it all, two women who've been taking in by you. Congratulations!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): hahaha
sorry, i shouldn't laugh, but the other woman's answer of 'twat' is amusing, if not true.
yes that is such a twat thing to do.
ask yourself why you love your wife. why did you marry her? and how did it happen that you let your role as a husband degenerate into a role as cheating husband?
then think of your kids. when i was fifteen and found out my father had a near thing to an affair, i was repulsed by my dad, because in my eyes my dad had always been an honest man, with moral values. finding out that he was weak in such ways made me think of him exactly that way. Weak.
now think of your mistress. ten years younger, with a whole life before her and in love with a man who she can never really be with. its true, she can't; i mean think about it, you gave yourself to three kids and a wife. if you lose either, do you think you'll be able to retreive those parts of yourself easily?
i'm assuming your mistress knows that you are married.
if she doesn't, then you should take your first step to being a man about this thing and tell her. i mean, really, its childish if you think about it; you began this affair by throwing all caution and responsibility to the wind, you disregarded the effect of this affair on your children and your wife as people, and you just gave yourself over to pleasure, desire and your want for enjoyment - that isn't very noble or manly in any sense.
anyways, if your mistress does know, you have one advantage. even though she isn't supposed to be your support (your wife is) she can support you through what ever you have to do to make this right.
think about what you want this to come out as. you on a romantic elope with a woman ten yrs younger than you through the country, which is going to eventually come over the honeymoon side and into all the snoring and farts and bickering. or work through your mistake with your wife, and have a chance to make your marriage stronger, with more trust, more communication, and a lifetime, once again, ahead of you. i don't know, your choices have to be something like that.
well, then explain everything to your mistress, why you are afraid for your children, yourself and everything possible about this mess. tell her that you love her, that despite everything you do. but think, please think, about who you love as a friend, and who you love deeply to your heart and who you'd love to see by your side for the rest of your life as a partner. if you believe in heaven, think of who you'd want to see by your side there too, without the guilt or anger or anything.
when you do decide, tell your mistress this. i do not doubt that you love this woman, but if she plays the lower role, tell her you love her as a friend, and that she fills the role as a lover. thats actually kind of harsh. but say something along those lines.
when she gets angry, when she avoids you bear it. if she nods slowly and says i understand, be thankful you found this type of friend.
however, as a friend, think of her benifit of leaving you. she won't have to settle for a friend, but if she's lucky she'll find a person much closer to her age, and who is on the same page of her in life. maybe he can play the role in her heart, as your wife plays in yours, just without affair type deal. make her see all of this, and keep loyal to her as you would to a any other friend. she spent six year with you, how can she not deserve this role as a friend?
with her you will discuss everything about your wife and your fears and all the things of this mess, and bout how you want to clean up this mess. tell her why you love your wife so much, and why you love you children so much. if you want to properly settle this issue, you will have to own up to it.
so with your friend and lover for support, slowly, slowly talk to your wife. don't come out with this affair right away. what you should do is build on your relationship, make it work, talk more communicate, everything you haven't done for the past fifteen of so years.
if you know why you love your wife, let her know this, someway and somehow. let her know every reason. if you've resolved you never want to leave your wife, let her know this too. both by letting her know every reason you love her, and by letting her know that no matter what thing ever happens, you couldn't leave her without tearing yourself apart.
if your lucky, your friend will stand by you and encourage this, and will help support you through this.
if not, she will disapear, and you will have to find the courage inside your self to get through this.
if your really unlucky, in step 1, she will have gotten cold feet and told your wife everything.
so all in all, you have to work on your marriage until your sure that it is strong enough to withstand the knowledge of an affair.
if you don't do things quite right, or if karma kicks in decides that you don't deserve your wife, it won't work out.
but read up on it, read up on everything, and find a way to be a better husband, and find a way to have a really good marriage. if you really love your kids and wife, you will do everything you can to make your marriage stronger.
after you do, then you can begin putting in ingrediants to the marriage like honesty. you can explain to her your affair, your friend, and why you chose to end it and everything. throughout the whole thing, you have to realize what it would it would be like if you had to leave her and you have to remind her that you love her. and when is say explain to her, i don't mean just blurt out 'i had and affair' and wait for a blow up. i mean, start from end to finish,with all the why's and what's. start slow maybe, and ask her, would you love me no matter what? then if she says yes, start your affair like a story, with the story beginning all the way from your newly wed years. tell her what you expected in those years, the bliss of those year(s), and slowly work your way to the affair. tell her what you wish you had said, what you wish you had asked when you were ten years younger. tell her what you wish you had been six years earlier. then tell her how you met this girl. and how it came to be, first a innocent relationship, all the way to the point that you couldn't help but look at her. make her see your point of veiw as a man who didn't know what he was getting into, who was weak, and all the while, i imagine, very guilty. then tell her how you began to be with this woman.
once you get the chance, then tell her how you lived for six some years, and then why you decided to end it. then tell her how you ended it.
through the whole time, make her see from your point of veiw, becasue in such a conversation, emotions can rise, what you say may be skewed by her grief/anger and what you hope to come out of what you say may be completey lost and how you say it may be later used against you.
say if your marriage is a miserable wreck as of now, you have to think of how you wish it was like it once was- with that thought, you can fuel your determination to make it stronger
if you love your friend, you will set her free and be her friend till long after this affair is over. i hope you end it, for your wife's sake and your kid's sake. and in time, if you end it right for you and your marriage's sake.
well, good luck.
and god bless.
may you find what your heart desires.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): you are a complete twat how can you do that to your own family.If you love your wife and kids then ditch the mistress don't put your family thought that it's mean and cruel.Does't matter how much you love your mistress family comes first you make me sick how could do that to them you just greedy and selfish I hope you lose everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): My answer to your question is do not buy cake, having had this done to me if your wife finds out I am sure you will see a return to the firey woman she once was and i am sure that you miss and just remember if she starts a new relationship some one else will get the excitment that you once had, how will you fell then o'h I know go and buy a nice comfort cake
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): You are in a very difficult situation and I have been there more than once! I believe that many people stay in relationships more out of need and fear of being alone rather than real love. Too often, marriages/partnerships stay intact for all the "less than ideal" reasons. Finances, children, status, in-laws, religion, social/cultural values, expectations, fear, familiarity, security, preditability, (Did I mention FEAR?... it's worth repeating) and a plethera of other reasons keep people in long term relationships.
Love,excitement,adventure,fun,mystery,intrique,newness,
unpredictibility, passion, laughter, romance, respect, affection, admiration, attention, sex, desire, and appreciation are unfortunately elements that have a tendency to dwindle in long term relationships. Sad yes... but most often... true. These are just a smattering of things which may cause one to feel the need to "explore". After all, weren't these things present early on in the primary relationship? Where on earth did they go? They did exist, it wasn't my imagination was it? Hmmm...let me go find all those wonderful things that "felt" so good. A shallow thing to do? I think not...perfectly understandable!
Why do we spend so much time focusing on fidelity (or the lack of it) in our primary relationships? Would it not be better to focus on the previously mentioned items that fall by the wayside... (the presence or lack there of) within our relationships? Our focus is sooo narrow! To love, honor and cherish...yeah...those "vows" get broken frequently, yet no one says anything reagrding those broken vows. But... cheating, infidelity, sex with someone else..oooo, how horrible... everyone is in a tizzy and has an opinioin and it's usually not a good one. Probably because they've never been there! You know " the moccasins"...if you haven't walked in them...blah, blah, blah.
Look, we all "should" know that it takes real effort and energy to keep a long term relationship as fabulous as it was when it began. Placing our attention and energy on other things (career, status, a new house, family etc.) will definitely have an impact upon your relatioinship. How could it not? It is very difficult to have it all..."something's gotta give" and before we add things into our lives it would be a good idea to recognize all the possibilities and consequences of our decisions.
I say, don't beat yourself up for wanting what most people want...their cake and eat it too! It's really not a bad concept...after all...why have cake if you can't eat it? It definitely would be nice if we could have our cake and eat it all in the same place, with the same person, right? But many things can get in the way of that...again... sad, but true!
The is always risk in life...sometimes it's well worth the risk and sometimes it's not. You are the only one that can make that decision. All the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): you don't mention how your mistress feels about the situation? if she's happy to continue then why don't you do that? if your wife finds out chances are she'll want you to leave as any woman with an ounce of self worth would - you can't tell her as this would just hurt her unnecessarily. if your children discover what you've been up to they too will be devastated. wait until they leave home and then decide which woman, if any you'd prefer to be with. this way, your children get to grow up with both parents. when they're old enough to leave home it won't affect them too much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I am in a three way relationship, am married for 15 years and have a mistress my wife knows about.
I think you need to talk to your wife.
If you are going to continue the relationship and be fair to both women you need to talk to your wife and tell her what is going on and tell how you feel.
When my wife found out about my affair I was very surprised that she did not want to get divorced.
But really I think you need to be totally honest with everybody involved.
If you want to have more than one lover, then you need to let them know so then can make informed decisisons.
I think some of the posts above are a bit too simplistic when they say 'ditch the other woman', because I find that I am much happier in my marriage now, my wife is much happier and i am a much better father now that I have my lover. My lover was in an unhappy marriage and now she is very happy as my mistress.
It sounds very strange to us westerners to hear such situations, but my feeling is that being honest to yourself and others will be the best course.
If you keep lying the damage will be greater. If you lie to yourself about how you feel about these women then you will all suffer.
Good luck,
If you wife will accept your lover, then three of you can have a wonderful life. I mean really wonderful!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2007): Think fast...make a decision...your "mistress" is about to walk!!! If you are still not ready to leave your wife then don't!! But if that's the case, AND you REALLY LOVE your mistress then push her away and let her walk. But, if you are not ready to do that either, then...be ready for things to get UGLY. "Mistress" will start to get angry...wife will start to get suspicious and your "lovely life" will explode in your face, and your kids will resent you for not being the STAND-UP guy they think you are. And all of this for your complete and utter selfishness and stupidity??? Think about this...who can you see yourself growing old with? who can bring out the best person in "YOU"? who gives you butterflies in your stomach? who meets your needs-Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually? yes...I intentionally left out the word financially, because no matter how much money you have "Money can NEVER buy Happiness" Surprised??? YOU SHOULDN'T BE!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): i think its wrong. i just recently found out that the guy ive been sleeping with for 8 yrs is married had no clue so u shouldnt do it.. if you love your wife stop cheating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Everyone on this forum, except one, is giving you advice that are deeply influenced by their judeo-christian upbringing.
They think they know the truth. And their truth is monogamy for life. Is this natural?
Biologically it is only normal for human beings (both male and female) to be attracted physically or/and mentally to different people over a long period of time.
Moreover, if we are lucky we would live on average to be 83 years old and then it is death, and then what?
Have fun! Enjoy your wife, your children and your mistresses. Love them, be giving, be generous emotionally and financially. However, don’t hurt them, if you can. And leave your mistress if you feel that your wife suspects it.
However, you must also be understanding if your wife has an affair.
The most important thing are the children. Love them, enjoy them, they are the future and once they are adults they will face the same problems.
There is no formula here. Believe in your feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): I'm just curious if he really wanted to change and really wanted to make a choice and deal with the consequences good and bad or just want to unload some of his guilt so he could continue using two women?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): I'm 25-year female and got into a relationship like this, and it is really hard to get out of it. In addition to having a wife and kids this guy is very powerful, and he can easily ruin my career if I leave him. This lasts for 2 years already - I receive e-mails from him saying sweet words and how he loves me, and I have to pretend I believe this bullshit, and to reply in the same manner. And the worst thing is that I'm still attracted to him - this guy seems to be really experienced in this kind of relationships. I wouldn't be surprised if he has several more mistresses like me. I don't want to waste my best years on this selfish guy, but it seems I have no choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Hmmm.I think your problem here is you have no balls and you want the best of both worlds.You get to play The good family guy and have your fun on the side.To let it go on this long suggests you really have no respect for either woman.How have you hidden your affair for so long?If you TRULY loved both these women you would be MAN and make a decision.Most people will have pity on your wife,which I understand,but I can't believe she doesn't suspect anything.If she does and hasn't confronted you then she must take responsibility for her role in the deception.I do however think you're a bastard for wasting the time of a young woman who should be making the most of her 20's exploring all life has to offer,not being tied to a man who will probably just flick her after all these years of anyway.The fact you're writing to a nameless forum to help you with your decision says it all.You know what,you should let both these good women go.Let them go and find men that will be dedictated and give them everything.Go land learn what it feels like to be on your own you selfish prick.Stop your manipulations and promises and time wasting.What makes you think you're so great that you deserve either of them anyway
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A
male
reader, Chris_kao  +, writes (19 June 2007):
I am a 40 years old man, I am married for 16 years and have got 3 daughters, 6, 12, 14. The problrm is that I do not love my wife, I only have learnt to appreciate her, because of she is a good mother and she improved herself a lot. Also, I met a girl, who is 10 years younger than me; she has all I want in a woman. Since I do not love my wife, I would like to leave her, but, I do not want to hurt my children, I know it would be terrible for them if I leave my home but, I have lived with no love for more than 10 years and I need to love. I live in a very small town, where it will be impossible to keep my mistress hidden so, I have to take a decission; or I leave my home or I leave my mistress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007): honey first of all if you really loved your wife you would of never cheated on her.believe it or not you already hurt her and you. you hvae to decide who do you love more your family or your affair? and to have a healthy relationship you have to be honest! and faithful.
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A
female
reader, goodlistener +, writes (6 June 2007):
You really do need to make up your mind, not just for your sake, if you love these two people you will not want to hurt them anymore than they need to be. If you don't choose then you might end up with nothing.
Good luck honey!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your answers.Keep up the good work in helping others like myself.I promise to take a long hard look at myself and let you know how things get on.love to you all
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A
male
reader, Prik  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 If you don't want to see your children get hurt then STOP seeing that mistress of yours. You've broken a vase but you can still glue it together.
Stop being selfish and give her up for your wife and children, for christ's sake!
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (6 June 2007):
 Hun, infidelity is usually a huge indicator that one's marriage is in trouble. If your marriage was in trouble, it should've been bad enough to end it without another woman coming into your life. Six years ago marriage counseling with your wife might have led to an newfound happy resolvement where you and she could've found the strength together to retain the love, the bond and solidarity needed to keep your family happy and intact. Instead you chose to have an affair and involve another woman. This is the sad tragedy of your actions. And now, here you sit..torn between women you love. My suggestion, keep your marriage and love your family strong. Let the mistress go. You have a good wife at home who is raising the most important people you will ever love...your 3 children. Ending the marriage will hurt them. You know that. So this is not a situation of being torn between just 2 women. It's a situation of being torn between a mistress, a wife and three innocents who shouldn't have to forever be hurt with the legacy of having a father who did not love their Mother enough to remain within the family and work hard at his marriage. If you decide to choose the mistress, all you will have is a woman who didn't have the foresight and maturity to abstain from involving herself with another's woman's husband.
Take the feelings of excitement, the sexual thrills for the mistress out of this. This is only your self-involved attitude coming out. You own that..it's part of you. The first big question you need to ask yourself, is whether you and your wife love each other and want to remain married. It's time to think in a new way..attain a new attitude of becoming an 'other-involved' man and put your marriage and family, first. The real sad thing about all this..is how you set into motion, a series of events that led you to this. I don't understand how you can tell us now, that you don't really wish to end your marriage and that you are torn between these 2 women. If you love your wife and kids and never had a wish to end the marriage why in god's name did you you undertake this,destructive, marriage ending behavior? You really only thought of yourself and all I can say is, one's selfishness and greediness can cause a guy to lose everything. Hope you make the most honorable decision and I think you need individual counseling to find out why your conscience didn't kick in, when the opportunity came up, to commit this act of unfaithfulness to your wife and family. After you have done that..get into marriage counseling with your wife to learn the skills a man needs, to becoming a more unselfish, giving partner. You marriage and family can be saved or not. It's your choice...which is more important to you? Take care and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): There is no way you and the supplemental have a great relationship so one, stop lying to yourself and just lying in general. Two, resentment is building in the extra martial affair and the other woman is more than likely putting demands on you to make up your mind. You love her or you love me-choose. This is a woman's nature.
WE WOMAN WANT, DESIRE AND DESERVE fidelity, loyalty, commitment, respect, acceptance, caring, understanding, devotion, validation, reassurance.
YOU ARE CLEARLY dropping the ball on all of these with both women. There is no way you can fulfill these so don't try to come on here and sell anyone about how great things are...for you maybe but that's because you lean more towards the self serving side of male centredness.
Unfortunately, little does the 26 year old know, that she has- by your male self motivated view, already committed to being someone that will never get his loyalty, his full respect, his full attention, his full "LOVE". You already deemed her unworthy of this and categorized her as the other meat alternative when you grow tired of the wife and all the responsibilities of the adult world.
Fear motivated decisions have the suckiest consequences attached to them. And you and the supplemental have big time fears that have lead you to the stupidity mess that brings little peace-there is so much heartache, grief, guilt, anger, and more fear.
GET THEE TO COUNSELLING To address why the hell you would do this to yourself and your loving, trusting family.
Time to do what is right and make a stinking choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): You do not love your wife, your used to your wife, to the routine, because she's a good woman, you're there because you don't have the heart to leave her, the guilt doesn't let you leave her. Answer yourself this, who would you rather see move on with their lives with a new man, your wife or your mistress? And there is your answer. You need to make up your mind for everyone's sake. Your wife is still young, give her the opportunity to find happiness, a faithful man. And as for kids, they grow up and move on, just always let them know you love them and take care of them financially.
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A
female
reader, cleo1312 +, writes (6 June 2007):
Youve been cheating on your wife for 6 years!!!, how can you claim you love her imagine how she will feel when she finds out, and your kids are teenagers the turmoil they will go through, you need to decide which life you want you cant have your cake and eat it whatever you do everyones going to get hurt, make sure if you leave your wife and kids you pay child support.
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A
female
reader, cuttieicy  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 You know i have lots of friends is in your shoes i advice them to love thier family why. because i was a product of divorce you how much i hate my dad.Same as you are when your family found out your life maybe miserable.Sacrifice for the sake of the children. That is the major problem in family right . I respect your decisions but dont let the kids suffer they are teens right now they might be rebels.Unless your going to change your religion in Muslims.of course.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Awwww poor you. You are about to destroy 4 people's lives and you are expecting sympathy? You know exactly what you should do, if you don't then you are a total sociopath. Straighten up and fly right. My deepest sympathy to your lovely wife and great kids they deserve so much better.
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female
reader, yasmin_x +, writes (6 June 2007):
 I can kind of relate to your problem, however mine is a little easier. I am in a 3 way relationship with 2 people who are married. Most people would question your loyalty or even frown apon the fact you are "cheating" on your wife and family. However, in my own opinion I do not believe you can truly love 2 people at the same time. Ask yourself the way you feel with both of them, for example: when you are with your wife is the feeling you have for her maternal,motherly, kind of life partner ? and your mistress: fun, loving, breath of fresh air? What are the differences between the two? The real fact of the matter is, i believe that 3 people can work together in a relationship IF they ALL want to, However, I do believe at one point , Your wife will find out. I hate to tell you this but I really feel you should make a choice. You never know if you could all work it out together! The man I am seeing and his wife all accept we are together, so perhaps you could try that approach
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Soory but you are very selfish and you only really love yourself. You should give up your extra relationship and stop being greedy. I don't think you really love your wife and children at all, it is cruelty and gluttony diguised as love.
You can't make it better by being sorry about it, you can make it better by doing something about it - which you have not done for 6 years. You are wasting you extra woman's life and reducing her chance of ever settling and having a family of her own. It is also her own silly fault of course.
If your wife made you unhappy and you left her for your extra that would be one thing. Keeping them both going for your own satisfaction is completely unacceptible and completely self-interested. You may feel bad about it but that is just rather pathetic. There are other people in this situation whose life you are guardian over and responsible for. THEY should come first, not you.
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