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I love my girlfriend, don't want to break-up, but she doesn't make me laugh. And there is another woman in the wings. What should I do?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Friends with Benefits, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 December 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2013)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a really great girlfriend. She's beautiful and sweet and kind and I love her. When I first met her I was completely overwhelmed by her and fell in love. We have been together since March. I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and I introduced my daughter (she is four years old) to my girlfriend.

The thing is that about six months before I met my girlfriend, I met another woman. She lives far away from me and we hooked up once when she visited my city.

We had an instant connection - we had v hot sex and liked each other a lot. We kept into touch and our relationship started to build up. She makes me laugh the way nobody else does - it's weird because it's as though I found my twin, but in girl form.

Then I met my girlfriend and we got together. I was talking less to the first woman because of the whole rush of being in love with my girlfriend.

A few months later the first woman came back to my town on business and we hooked up again. Since then we have been talking almost every day again and I feel a huge connection with her.

The problem is that I love my girlfriend, but she doesn't make me laugh. Since I got past the first rush of being crazy about her, I find myself getting bored.

I don't want to break up with her because my daughter knows her and I don't want my daughter to be traumatised if she goes out of my life. And the first woman lives far away. And my girlfriend is really such a lovely person, I don't want to hurt her. She is kind and gentle and caring.

View related questions: fell in love

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well if we're going to be honest she already knows I've cheated on girls before so I don't think it's much of a surprise to her. But like I said, she doesn't mind me seeing other people. She just seemed to think my gf knew about her or maybe she thought it wasn't so serious or something IDK.

The funny thing is she knows so much about me, like I told her about how a few times I've been with guys as well as girls, and that kind of thing I could NEVER tell my girlfriend. I just wish she would come live closer to me so that we could try it.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (9 January 2013):

I agree - I think she's annoyed, not jealous.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (9 January 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntNo honey she's not jealous. she's annoyed and now knows you are a liar and a cheat.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Alright I guess I will update... Thanks for all your answers. Well I know I have to leave my girlfriend, but it's complicated because we bought a house together in September and stuff.

The first girl was here last week visiting and I got to see her, she does know I am seeing someone but she always said that she has no problem with me seeing other people and that she is seeing others as well. She didn't know that I was living with my gf though, and when I told her she got kinda annoyed, I don't know if it's because she's jealous? She told me that I shouldn't lie to my girlfriend and that it makes her feel bad to think someone's getting hurt because of us. Which I agree with, but do you think maybe she's jealous?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012):

You already traumatized the relationship all by yourself, by cheating on your girlfriend and continuing to cheat on your girlfriend.

I wonder if the girl you are cheating with knows you have a girlfriend and I wonder if she would be all that great anymore if she found out and left you because you are not a guy who can commit to a relationship.

You will eventually get bored with all of them until you finally mature and realize that any long term relationship does not remain in "honeymoon" stage forever...you are hooked on the high of how it always is in the beginning, but even with this other women you are cheating with, you have not spent day to day and had any real life situations with her. You are only basing this attraction on small stuff.

Don't continue to drag this out with your current girlfriend. she deserves to be with someone who will treat her like a princess, be faithful to her and love her, even when things are not the greatest. Let her go and just stay single dude...you are not mature or ready to have a real relationship with any women yet.

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A female reader, blonde30s United Kingdom + , writes (12 December 2012):

blonde30s agony auntit doesnt sound as if you truly love your girlfriend otherwise you wouldn't be looking at another woman. i think maybe you should be single and move on from both of them and give yourself some time alone without contact with both women and think about your life and what you really want. its not fair to your girlfriend what your doing to her at the moment.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 December 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with CaringGuy too.

You are turning into a rather unpleasant fellow and honestly, you are not being fair to your GF at all. You are only holding on to her because she has a connection to your child? At least that is how it seems.

YOU are cheating on your GF, so obviously you don't really care that deeply for her or even respect her. Time to let he go so she can find her own happiness. And not use her as a "fall back girl" til you can find better - because... that is what you are doing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012):

Commit to your gf and make the conscious choice to cut the other woman out of your life. You love your gf. So what if she doesn't make you laugh? You love her and you don't want your daughter to be traumatized by this mother figure leaving her life. But now you've cheated on her. That ruins everything.

You do have this problem of not staying the course. You started things with your gf when you were still sort of seeing the other woman. Why didn't you end that relationship first? Then once with your gf you cheated on her with the first woman. This problem isn't about which woman is better. They are both equally good. The problem is that you keep flip flopping and dont end things cleanly before starting something new so unless you change this about yourself it doesn't matter which woman you choose now it will only be a temporary choice anyway.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012):

I agree, if you think your girlfriend is so wonderful, let her be with a man who is worthy pf her and deserves her love and affections. To hold onto her knowing that you're keeping her from someone who will treat her better is a little selfish. Don't look at it from the viewpoint that you're going to hurt her or your daughter, look at it as having everyone be potentially happy.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (11 December 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI agree with CaringGuy... better to end the local relationship now....

if you are bored it will only get worse.

and besides you have cheated on her with the LDR girl.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (11 December 2012):

I would definitely say that you need to end the relationship you're in. To be honest, it sounded like she was always second best right from the start. The first woman was further away, but you had more of a connection. With your current girlfriend, you don't even mention a real connection. Yes, she's a nice, lovely woman and you don't want to hurt her, or your daughter. But can you imagine the fallout of further down the line it ends? That will be even messier.

Let your kind and gentle girlfriend go so she can find a guy who will be blown away by her. That way, she'll fin what she wants, and you'll be able to find what you want, whether it's the woman who was there before, or another one who has a bigger effect. Don't just stay in this for the sake of it.

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