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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: me and my gf got together about 3 years ago. we both weighed 17 stone. we had a good relationship but in the last 12 months we said we would go on a diet. Now i weight 13 stone. she however weighs 18 and 1/2 stone. i am attracting the attention of other girls and flirting more. i love my gf but she is to fat. how do i break up with her?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): My advice on how to break up with her:
Tell her that it's just not working out. Both of you said you were going to go on a diet...you lost weight and she gained weight. It seems to me that you're in a different place now than you were three years ago, and that is the reason why you should break up.
If she is holding you back then you have a reason to move on.
A
male
reader, Patriot  +, writes (19 April 2011):
Easy. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you are in no way committed to her, and tell her that you are going to look for someone more like yourself, who is motivated, unless she can keep up with you. As harsh as it is, these things are important in sexual relationships. A person with Down Syndrome might be really sweet, but she should not be having children.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 Wow this is depressing. So if you're obese, have been for a long time, you are destined to remain obese, or lose weight for a while, only to regain it all, and then some more, unless you are one of those lucky 2-5%, or you have weight loss surgery? Wow thats a lot of surgery needed in the future unless we seriously overhall our food availability, marketing and educate the young. Now I don't know whether to diet and risk getting heavier afterwards, or just be damned with my extra stones, eek!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 April 2011):
 losing weight is easy.keeping it off is hardI used to weigh 300 pounds now I weigh HALF of that. In order to keep it off I had to have surgery to reduce the amount of food I can eat. 95% of folks that lose weight gain it back and then some.so while you can end it with her by telling her it's not working out... what are you going to do when all these new hot babes say that to you after you gain 5 stone?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 How to break up isn't a hard one to answer though. To break up with a person you simply tell them you want to break up. I don't see how that is a challenge, and thought it'd be easier if the poster actually thinks about the reasons for why he wants to end it, to be sure this is what he actually wants. Otherwise the question would not be about weight, but about "how to dump a girl".
This is how you dump a girl. You tell her "we need to talk", then you sit her down and say something up the lines of "It's not you, it's me. I want to move on in life, and I don't see you as a person I want to be with forever. I do not think you are the one for me, and I want to end it. Take care. Lets stay friends."
Easy as pie. But there's no option of getting her back once you have let her go.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Huh. I won't call you shallow or unkind for this. However, I will call you shortsighted for two reasons.
First, I will state the obvious:
The National Institute of Health, which is backed up by many other similar studies, shows that 98% of all who are obese eventually regain the weight they have lost, and of that 98%, 90% of those end up putting on more weight than they originally had.
This means that you only have a 2% chance of keeping it off for good. This also means that it's a good bet that the girl you're wanting to dump your current girlfriend for will dump you for the same reasons, being that as young as you are, you're making decisions like this before you've given yourself "staying power" in terms of a whole new lifestyle.
I applaud you for taking off your weight. As much as that battle has been for you, and as much as the statistics are against you, that's quite the accomplishment, and no one can take that away from you.
Second:
I know you want someone who looks as good as the attention you're getting right now, and that's only natural. However, you are overlooking how utterly priceless your girlfriend has been. She sees you and loves you for you, not just your looks. Whether you stay with her or move on, and I won't judge what you decide to do, remember that eventually you will get older. You most likely will lose hair on your head and gain it in unsightly places. Having been overweight for much of your life, you will most likely gain weight back. You'll get older and more wrinkled.
Hopefully, you'll be with a woman who really loves you and doesn't feel the urge to look elsewhere when the bloom fades from the rose, so to speak.
But you're young. If you break up with your girlfriend, I hope you do it after much thought. If you decide to go through with it, do it with as much gentleness as you can, because I have a feeling that you'll want to go back to her. Hopefully you won't torch the bridge in your pursuit of your new life.
Also, don't discount your girlfriend either. Remember, men take off weight a lot faster than women, given the fact that they have more muscle and a higher natural metabolism. It's possible that patience would reward you if you have just a little more. Like others have said, map out a new active lifestyle together! If you've been sitting on the couch on your dates, time for some walking or biking!
But, do what you need to do!
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female
reader, matureflowerx +, writes (15 April 2011):
 I think you should just say that you don't feel the same way about her anymore. This way you are at least being mostly honest.
Most people will tell you that you are shallow but I agree with you and think it is difficult to respect and love someone who doesn't respect or love themselves.
If you are no longer attracted to her it won't work any way there is no need to drag it out.
Good luck and well done for losing so much weight!!
P.s - so much for being able to come to this site for impartial advice without being judged? Some people should really keep their self righteous opinions to theirself as it isn't helping anyone.
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male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Actually I take that back, they are wrong.Dear Aunts/Uncles,Whilst I understand that a major contribution to the success of this site lies in the ability for all of you to voice your opinions, a certain degree of objectivity is needed in your response to OPs, in order to maintain an understanding atmosphere. PEOPLE COME HERE TO AVOID BEING JUDGED AND BEING LABELED "SHALLOW" and "UNKIND". Right as you may be, you correctness is limited to what the OP's post says, and you have no knowledge of prior related events, so please stick to the ACTUAL question.in this case "how do i break up with her?"I would like to call up Battista's post as being exemplary. She considers the OP, and finds a way to minimize hurt endured by all parties involved. mrg123 was also good; voiced opinion LIGHTLY and answered question.Posters are people, no usernames. That is all.
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I wish I could say that you're not shallow but really you are shallow. Or it could be that you never loved your girlfriend and you were with her just because she was the only available person for you at that time. And now that you have improved yourself and have more choices, you want to ditch her? If it can't be helped, I'd say break up with her now but never tell her the real reason or you will really insult her and hurt her feelings big time.And be careful, people change. Be sure you wont regret this step you'll make. Your post reminds me of an experience a few years back. My ex dumped me for another girl. I thought it was the end of the world. But I moved on and improved myself for the next person I'd fall in love with. It was almost a year after that I met someone much more better than my ex and 3x more good looking. It would be a shame to compare this new guy to my ex to be honest. Anyway, my ex started calling me again and trying to see and wanting to get back with me. But he is too late, I already fell in love with my new bf. And you know what, during one of our talks he asked what I did and it came out from him at last that the reason he fell out of love for me was that I gained weight and he was not attracted anymore. And as a better looking woman came along, he decided to leave me. And then just because I was again an eye candy to him, he wanted me back? He could eat his heart out.Now he is loveless and I am with someone younger and better looking, and I am much happier.Hope this doesn't happen to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Well have you said to her that you would support her in losing weight and pushed the matter saying u want her to get healthy or have u not said anything about it ?
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female
reader, Sophie(L). +, writes (14 April 2011):
you are so shallow! boys like you dont deserve a good girlfriend. you both went on a diet, fair enough. its harder for girls to loose weight than it is for boys to. but if your gona let this girl go, for being to 'fat' at least do it nicely.you'll regret it though, you say you love her? if you really love her you'll stay with her, fat or thin.
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male
reader, Starmonster888 +, writes (14 April 2011):
Unlike the rest of the mild manner souls that serve as this site's aunt/uncles, i'm not bound by morality and conscious, so I won't be judging your motive.Quite the contrary actually, i understand. That's not to say they're wrong.As for how to dump her, don't be honest. In this context it would hurt a lot. Be vague. "its not working" type dialogue, and if she ask why, find different ways of saying I don't know.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): You were once the "fat guy" how would you feel or how did you feel when people judged you by your weight instead of your personality? (which seems as though you have none)
You will end up alone if this is the attitude you have, because your not looking deep enough to see the person within. Your girlfriend deserves better that this.
Remember, what goes around comes around!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): Your poor gfd, thats my first thought. You have been with her 3yrs do you not feel you love her more inside for who she is, at this stage, after being together for 3yrs. It seems you were really only with her to boost your own self confidence, and what...now she has served her purpose?! A good bfd would support her, encourage her, but you seem to care more about looks rather than personality, and in my opinion you are right to let this girl go, and I mean that in the nicest way, it would be best for her as well as you. You want a slim gfd,and i guarantee your gfd has noticed you flirting, which over a period of time would knock her self esteem to rock bottom.My advice is to break it off with her as gently as possible and whatever you do have SOME tact and don't say its because of her weight, maybe something like you have nothing in common anymore.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 April 2011):
You want to dump her simply because you are getting offers elsewhere? So you were only with her to begin with because you couldn't get anything else?
The woman hasn't changed much, you however have gotten a big head. Don't think you're better than your girlfriend just because you get a bit more attention from other women, or think that it is wise to leave your girlfriend just because you get attention elsewhere. If you are that easily persuaded I doubt you will be able to handle being in a serious relationship, as for every time a "better" woman or opportunity comes along you will drop whatever you have at hand?
This isn't love. This is being conceited. If you loved your woman you wouldn't let the attention of other women get to your head like it has. And what if the woman you started dating was just like you, whenever she got a complement from someone more handsome she'd think about ditching you? Doesn't spell a trustworthy relationship!
Either stick to your woman or leave her to find someone more deserving. But please, don't think you're all that. Don't get a big ego and think you should treat women like objects, changing one in for something "better". Women are people, not things. You stick to a person because you love them, not because nothing better has been offered...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 April 2011):
 So she was good enough for you when you were fat, but not now?
Wow, dump her and let her find a GOOD guy.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Uhm. Let's see. You loved your gf when you met her, 3 years ago, and she was 17 stones. She is 18 .5 stones now- so she gained about 9 kgs., right ?. She is still the same person- even phisycally. 9 kgs are not 20 or 30- they are not enough to make her body completely different from that body that you knew and loved ( particularly since she already had a big build ).
The problem is that you were a fat boy too then- and thought you could not get anything better , right ? It was not love, it was making do.
Now you have more access to slimmer women , and you want to upgrade .
It makes sense- but pls. don't mention " love ", this is not about feelings or loss of feelings, this is about a rampant ego.
Do break up with her,any way you want - whatever weight she is, even if she looked like a whale, she deserves much better than being your " in lack of anything else ".
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (14 April 2011):
You can either break up with her delicately.. you could either try and not hurt her feelings (lie) or you can tell her it's because you're not physically attracted to her (tell the truth).It will hurt if you be truthful, but maybe she'll do something about all that excess fat. 18 and 1/2 stones is humongous, I'm not surprised you want to end it! Not many people would find that attracted, whether they love them or not.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 April 2011):
 You DON'T love her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): men are supposed to have a faster metabolism than women. I do not know if that is true or not. But what if it is?How would you feel if you were 18stone and your girl friend had lost lots weight and was now 8stone? And now wanted to drop you? Pretty horrible, i bet.How about starting a walking program with your (still, just at the moment) girl friend? She stood by You, when other girls would not give you a second look.It will keep you fit. See if you can help your girl friend lose 12 percent of her weight, with your help?Yes, that would not get her down as far as you need, but it would be supportive.Of course the alternative would be to just tell her she is too fat for you, so you are dropping her? I just do not think you are that unkind.
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male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I have to be honest and say I don't like the reasoning behind this, at all in fact. Hey ho, I guess, ours is to reason why I suppose. I would say that if you do love her, rather than running off what about attempting to raise it with her? Its not as if its something you cant work on now is it? Has she not gone on the diet as well? Is it not possible that the lack of love your showing her (sorry but your not being a model partner right now) is causing her to seek solace in food. I really think you do need to love her for who she is though and, to put it mildly, I question whether your doing that so I do question it when you say you love her. Having said all that, if you must do this then, and this is not something id normally do, id think carefully about how you do it and try and spare her feelings as much as you can. Maybe just say you think its come to the end of the line and try not to be too specific. Try and help her out as much as you can.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (14 April 2011):
You could just tell her that it's not working any more. I think if you told her you don't want to go out any more because she's overweight that would be a major confidence wrecker and it also turns you into the villain of the peace. Don't mention the weight if you can avoid it.I know that some people will come on here and tell you that you are being shallow but I understand your frustration if you have managed to lose 4 stone but she has gained 1.5. Losing weight is hard work so you should feel proud of yourself. Do you know why your gf hasn't lost any weight?Don't mention attention from other girls either- I would say this part of your post basically is shallow. Now you look better you are getting more attention, and you enjoying this new found attention is implying that the attenttion from your gf isn't good enough for you any more. This isn't necessarily the case, it's just it seems the weight issue has become a problem. I can understand that you want to be proud of the way you look if you have worked hard for it.I think the best way ahead is to just tell her your relationship has reached the end of the line. Don't expect thinner people to be cleverer/nicer/more successful etc that your gf though.
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