A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The title says it all, really. I've been with my boyfriend for coming up 2 years now, although I've known him since I was 14/15... we were always really close. Not best friends, but he was always there to talk to, whether I was happy or sad, cheerful or grumpy. We never fell out or had arguements. We were totally in sync as friends, with the same interests and hobbies. We both knew had to have fun and teased each other daily, and it stayed that why for quite a bit into our relationship, despite minor issues and the traditional couple troubles. We had one major argument that almost ended it all, but we pushed through it and I thought we were past it all...However... not too long ago, his mother, whom I've always had trouble with--she doesn't like me. Full stop. There's not really a way to get around it, I just try to hold my head high and get on with it--caused the biggest argument between us that we've ever had. She's always having little digs. About the way I talk, look, my family... And out of respect, I've always just let it go, but what really got to me is that my boyfriend didn't stick up for me! Surely there's something wrong there, right?Apparently not. Loads of people I've spoke to have just said to not hassle him, as she's his mother, at the end of the day. I'm only the girlfriend.Fine. By since then... I'm not happy in the relationship. I love him, I really do... but I'm starting to get annoyed at him more often. Little things he does, that shouldn't matter to me, really rile me up!We used to have such an active sex life and now I'm just not interested. It doesn't help that lately, he's not been trying as much as he used to. He used to shower daily, doll himself up a little bit, and I'd think... ohhh, how gorgeous. Now, he barely bothers! I still find him gorgeous, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to find someone attractive when they disregard personal hygiene.And he's gotten so boring! When I met him, we'd go out clubbing or to parties and just let go. Cinema trips were plentiful, we'd go out for little walks, even do the overly camp relationship stuff, like laying under the stars... Now, there's no chance for any of that.Anyway, I'm rambling. The matter of the fact is, I'm not happy, but leaving him would just make me miserable. I love him. He's just changed. HELP!
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Well you have two choices Not Happy or Miserable.
Seems I'd wanna go for, let me think, Happiness!
This guy is not your A&E channel, he's a guy, a human.
I say leave him well enough alone until you can find your own inner happiness and entertain yourself. He's changing in ways that he hopes will push you away, why, because he's probably tired of being your Project Manager.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (6 June 2011):
 if is mum says bad stuff while you are there you can bet she is saying bad stuff about you when you are not there. he is probably fed up and stressed cause he feels like he is in the middle. i can understand why he does not stick up for you against his mum - you sound more easy going than she is and to disagree with her probably just seems like to troublesome.
have you spoken to him about your feelings? if not - you really need to. there is a chance that you may have grown up and grown apart. when you say 'he has changed' well, you probably BOTH have, people tend to, especially at your age, with all the changes that have happened in your lives anyway, you were just school kids when you got together and now you are young adults. ask him to tell you honestly how he feels and how he feels about you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): What help are you expecting to recieve?. reassurance?...a solution? advice?Heres all 3 anyway.Reassurance: He feels that there is no threats to the relationship and trust is at 100%. So its no longer necessary to shower everyday and make the same effort as when you first met. he has you now. why dress to impress?Solution: Tough Love. Put your foot down and tell him the hard facts. Tell him what changes need to be made and make sure he is motivated to do them.Contingency Plan: Put a spanner in the works. Make the relationship not as safe and threatless anymore. He should then get his ass into gear if he doesnt want to loose you...be warned some guys only get their ass into gear when they have lost you...which is something you should bear in mind that you may be stuck with his behavior until you finish him. then he will make changes and beg for you back. thats just how it goes
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