A
female
age
30-35,
*elplesslycrazed
writes:Dear Cupid, I have a boyfriend who I've been dating for about a year and a half, and I lost my virginity to him, and I love him. I truly do.But he has a friend... and I find myself really excited to see him, and I'm really friendly towards him, and I always feel happy around him, which doesn't happen all the time around anyone. and I find myself extremely attracted to him. he is very nice to me, and outgoing, and funny and always positive and has the same music interests as me, and is good looking too. He is very talented, and i like his family pretty well. (my current boyfriends family are gossip maniacs and i can never quite find myself relating to them). my family also really likes him and they alway ask about him and compliment him, even though they have only met him once. and whenever he is in a group of friends, he always hangs around my boyfriend and me. and he smiles around everyone but I feel like it's different when he smiles at me... I can't tell if he likes me or not.also, this is my second time dating my boyfriend, and when we dated the first time, he broke up with me because my cousin told him that I didn't feel the same way towards him. and I didn't... at least not all the way. I started having feelings for his other friend (a different one from the one I like now and whom I had started liking way before my boyfriend), and he still doesn't know about that. I never dated his friend that I liked before, and I never even told that friend how I felt. I knew that it would hurt my boyfriend even more. I just didn't want to lie about my feelings. but pretty soon, my feelings for his friend died down, and I wanted my boyfriend back, and that entire time, he wanted me back, too.I do truly love my boyfriend, and I do want these other feelings to go away, sort of. but as soon as I think they're gone, I see his friend again, and then my heart jumps through my chest, and I can't breathe, and my feelings come back again.My boyfriend is a really great person, but sometimes, he isn't as nice as he should be, or as respectful. but sometimes, neither am I. for example, there are certain things that I get upset about easily, and he doesn't really console me, he just calls me a baby. but with other things (for example, my very close family member passing away, he is very nice about.) and sometimes if I'm afraid to do something or I am too disgusted or something, he calls me a pussy. and he always talks to his ex's and always flirts with girls (not extreme flirting, but still flirting none the less. even though he "doesn't notice or believe me") he is always looking for constant attention and sympathy and always has to out-do everyone else on the bad things ("oh my life is so terrible, etc.,etc.") he isn't exactly a gentleman, but he can be really great at times. he always talks about marrying me and having kids and living together and all of that, and I don't really like planning out every aspect of my life right down to the day like that. and it makes it even harder to know what to do when my entire family thinks "we will get married and he is just so great". I just don't know what to do. HELP?
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broke up, cousin, flirt, his ex, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
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female
reader, helplesslycrazed +, writes (13 September 2011):
helplesslycrazed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust wanted to let you know that me and my boyfriend ended up breaking up, and his best friend moved away for college... now I'm taking time to myself. thanks! :) I feel a lot less stressed and we are on good terms, not fighting anymore, and working on being friends. the advice was very helpful
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 August 2011):
 You need to give yourself a break from all these guys. You're boyfriend, his friend, everyone. You're just going around in circles. It seems you're not even sure of what you want.
Dont escape from one ditch and land into the other. If you leave your boyfriend and end up with his friend, then you will be breaking their friendship.
You're just justifying to yourself that you truly love your current boyfriend. If you did, none of these complications would have arisen. You WANT to love him, because he is your first and you want to make it work with him. In this entire question, you have dedicated half your post to praising the other guy, and one paragraph in saying why your boyfriend isn't as nice as he should be. Do you realize it now? Consciously or subconsciously, you want out of your relationship and you think that the other guy is the answer to your problems. Whatever you didn't get from your BF, you think that you can get it from him. But that is not the solution.
Dont do anything as of now. Take a break from your BF and dont go around looking for love now. Take some time off and introspect. Dont even think of going from one relationship to another right now.
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