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I love my best friend... Can I get my best friend to fall in love with me?

Tagged as: Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 November 2006) 13 Answers - (Newest, 17 August 2010)
A male , *uywithmajorproblems writes:

Dear Cupid,

I have a major problem, first it started out as a small inside joke then i started to feel different about it but now i'm in love with my best friend. I've told them how i feel about them and they keep saying that they don't want to be nothing more then just best friends. What the big problem is that i can't let that go, everytime i see them i smile and then they smile back. But it's not just that, we spend most of our day together at school and i feel this bond between us like something is going to happen. But seeing the person that you want to give your whole heart to and then having them not even look back at you feels the worst thing in the world. But Cupid what i'm axualy asking here is what should i do to help get my best friend to fall in love with me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

The same thing happened to me, i fell madly in love with my best friend and i just can't stop thinking about her. when i girst realized i liked her it was when we were at a friends birthday party goodbye! i know she likes me back or at least i think she does. for example she puts her head on my shoulder all the time, she hugs me when we meet and when we leave each other, she even kissed me on the neck when she gave me a hug goodbye onetime! i was just on facebook and i saw her profile picture and i swear she got hotter than she was before!! she looked like a supermodel to me! I REALLY want to tell her i like her BUT i know she'll say no because she has a boyfriend. i'm about to tell her the first time i get a chance, i know i can convince her too because i'd be willing to do anything for her and i mean anything. The problem is should i tell her i like her even though she has a boyfriend? And if it helps were both 13.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010):

i know what your going through i have a best frriend who happens to be a girl (im a boy) i ask her if she would go on a date she said yes i was soooo happy but when i met her at the cafe she bought her other friend and that hurt me we are still friends BUT what i find weird her other friend LIKES ME!! i dont know what to do i like them.

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A female reader, HD270294 United Kingdom +, writes (5 August 2010):

Hmmm this is quite interesting! i too have a bestfriend the oppasite sex!! Me and him wasnt that close when i first met, if anything he was trying to get into my pants because i was the new girl at the school! We had a passed before and yes i lost my virginity to him. People always say that the person you loose your virginity to you will always have strong feelings for and this is now were i get confused!! For quite a while now me and my boy best mate have shared such an amazing freindship and i can always count of him beig there for me! and obviously i am there fo him too. But after a while of being close a sexual tension then started happening between us and since we share a friendship but also an sexual relationship. At first i didnt think i liked him and i just loved how the friendship was considering nothing changed, However we then had a disargueement, and i was hurt so much more than i would have been as to when i fall out with one of my girls, this is what shocked and confusd me. And when we had sorted out differences out i was more happier than ever?? boys are tipital and even thou were good friends i generally can not tell how he feels, weather its because he actually hinds how he feels as well, or that he does actually know how he feel or if he think nothing about it what so ever. any idea what you thinkkk ??

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A male reader, Accere Philippines +, writes (28 November 2009):

Well, I know it's not that easy to make your friend fall in love with you.

I also have this best friend and I'm starting to love her.I usually spend my time talking to her since we have a lot of comparison(except for our gender).

But I spit it out accidentaly to her for an unknown reason.

I also observed that she can no longer look at my eyes for a long time.She is also becoming shy in front of me.And before that, she oftens hug, feed and almost kissed me!!!

Then one day, my seatmate in the classroom(I'm only 12)told me that she's also starting to like me so......

Here's what you gotta do:

1.You should spend your time with her as often as you can.Talk about something that the both of you are interested in.

2.You better help yourself up. Imagination could do nothing. Plan for the future, set up a surprise. Like a certain gift on Christmas or her birthday, observe what she wants bt do not ask her directly.

3.Yah, Frank B. Kermit is also right for that fact, and when the time comes you meet again your back to the start.But it also increases the chances that the girl will like you.Try to make an impression sometimes.

4.If you want to tell her approach her in a normal way, like not too much groomed, the way you really are. Talk your way out until both of your ran out of words to say and stopped looking you at the eyes, it's time to say it normally. But!Don't be exagerated or concious, act normal before,during and after you say it to her and only pick the right timing like when she admitted it to you, admiit to her also.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009):

Oh God this is such an ancient problem isn't it? I am a manager at my place of work and my best work mate is a supervisor. We sort of clicked about 3 years ago even though we had worked together for about 5 years! We had the usual banter/flirting which culminated in going for a drink one night and then a series of drinking dates which came to a head one night about 3 years ago when we were out from 1200 midday until midnight which was only ended by my wife threatening to come to the bar and drag me home. Anyway, 3 years later after surviving her miscarriage, her maternity leave and subsequent PND we are still quite strong and hopefully will mates forever. Only problem was caused by me when one night when she agreed to give me a lift home after she finished a backshift and I was out drinking with a mate and for some inexplicable reason (probably the alcohol) I told her I fancied her and that totally freaked her out. The only reason our friendship survived was that I had to promise her I would never mention the subject again and it took a few months until she felt comfortable geing alone with me which horrified me a bit but I suppose I can understand her point of view. We are OK now she has got a georgious little girl that me and my wife adore but it is very hard not to say anything, I still think she is 100% sexy georgious and still get get butterflies in my stomach when I meet her but I know she doesn't feel the same so I constantly have to bite my tongue. I am happy we are still mates because I could not survive life without her, but my advice to anyone who is contemplating admitting their feelings for their best friends (of the opposite sex) is DON'T! Sorry!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

So, I have a huge problem. I need help. I feel like my every attempt is futile. I'm typically shy when you first meet me and I warm up to people after a little.

The problem is girls judge you after only knowing you a short time, so I always just get put in that damn friend column. I can't bear it. I have fallen in love with 3 different very very close friends, at 3 different times in my life, and each one only has ever wanted to be my friend. Its too hard to keep going through this same problem over and over.

This last one is really killing me though. We talk on the phone together, and REALLY TALK, like neither of has ever talked to anyone before. We tell each other anything and everything, and she still just wants to be my friend. We have the same relationship goals, and a lot in common, and everyone tell us we would make the best couple. However she doesn't care. She says she just decided that I would only ever be a good friend long before me and her ever really started to get to know one another. This isn't just a friend thing. Its a best friend thing. She can name a hundred different things she likes about me, and not even one she doesn't. She can't even go one day without talking to me without getting depressed, but she just doesn't see the bigger picture I guess. I don't know what to do.

Help me if you have the answer cause I just can't shut my feelings for her off, and I don't think I have it in me to end our friendship either.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007):

To quote our former President, Bill Clinton, "I feel your pain."

I, too, have fallen in love with my best friend. We have been friends for almost 10 years. About 5 years ago, our friendship began including innocent sexual contact. And it has progressed from there. Originally I didn't love him, even when it turned to occasional sex play. BUt then one day something snapped (I wish I knew what this was, so I could "unsnap" it) and I fell in love. He lives in another state from me, so I only get to see him a few times each year. Every time we are together, I feel those longing love feelings all over again, and it takes a couple months for them to wear off. Sadly, I don't think that there is really any way to make a best friend fall in love. We all know that love just is. You can't create it or make it appear. If it does not exist for a person towards another, it never will. My hope now is that there will come along someone else for me to fall in love with, who will make me even forget I ever thought about being with my best friend at all. So just hang tight..I know your new love will come as well.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006):

hey i have the same problem there is this guy i really like him we go to the skating rink alomost every friday nite we hang out together but that all changed when the one bite happend i was with my firend and he came up to me and asked me to skate with him i said yes and as we were skating together he told me that many ppl have been telling him that i like him and i told him that was a lie now i need to get up and tell him that i really do like him for sure

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A male reader, guywithmajorproblems +, writes (4 December 2006):

guywithmajorproblems is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Frank thanks for helping me out and you were the only one to do so anyways. I really can't stop getting over him but now i think he's going out with my enemy and i sent him an e-mail about it and i just hope the worst hasn't happened. well you said that nither one of us took the first step i've tried but he seemed that bisexuality is wrong, i just hope that everything will be ok between us. He's still my best friend but i know that everything will be ok. Thanks again, and i'll try to update the situation later and later.

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A male reader, guywithmajorproblems +, writes (2 December 2006):

guywithmajorproblems is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The advice that Frank gave me didn't work. I tried and he wondered why i was ignoring him, he wondered what was the matter with me and why i was acting funny. I told him again how i felt and he's not going out with anyone and so i asked him again. Knowing that i like him isn't a crime and somehow i know that he's hiding something to me. I mean the last time i was over at his house i used all my will power not to kiss him when we were sitting on his bed just talking about nothing. I want him to like me like i know he dose but now i feel like if i keep it up i'm going to lose him as a best friend. I mean i told some of my friends about me being bi and their ok with it. I just think that he dose care about me but he dosen't want to accept it. i can't go on like this anymore and i've tried everything to make my heart's desire but it's not enough. I want to let him go but i can't, i just can't. He's my best friend and i'm totaly in love with him. i can't stop crying all night knowing that he's alone and i just want to be with him, knowing that i'm alone always and he's the one that makes me smile, laugh and keeps me happy. He's the only one that can make me do that and he knows it. He's my best friend and i can't get over it no matter how hard i try. the one person that i want to give my whole heart to is looking the other way. And i can't take it anymore!!!

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (24 November 2006):

Frank B Kermit agony auntHi Guy,

It sounds like if this was love, and not just friends who fool around, you would not be questioning it like this.

Basically, if there was really something more deeper between you, you both would have moved on by now, and at least one of you would have taken that first important step. Neither of you has, and thus, that is the sign it was not meant to me.

I know that it is confusing, and that it hurts, but it is important to learn from this. Even though there is some truth in all humor, you can not assume humor is anythig more than humor.

I hope this eased the blow for you.

-Frank B Kermit

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A male reader, guywithmajorproblems +, writes (23 November 2006):

guywithmajorproblems is verified as being by the original poster of the question

But the major problem is that they seem to be hidding something from me and i can't tell if that is love or something else, but your question about "is your friend worth it?" I'm nor so sure i mean we hang out together and then we make eachother happy, would you call that just friendship or love? I mean we still kinda joke around like we are going out but then when we're by ourselves we are all over eachother, only because we think that it's a joke but sometimes i feel something and it hurts, but trying to be away from this person is that the best thing for me to do? By The Way Thanks Frank for responding.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (23 November 2006):

Frank B Kermit agony auntHi Guy,

You are in the "friends" category of your friend. It is unlikely that your friend will change that in time.

Here is my suggestion...I have used this to get back my ex-fiance, and it worked even after 7 years. You can read about it in my book From Loser to Seducer if you want.

The method will take time. You must separate yourself from this friend for a long period of time. Work to change yourself, and make yourself more attractive, not just physcially, but mentally and emotionally too. THEN, when you have SIGNIFICANTLY changed, you allow your friend to re-enter your life. As your friend has to get to know you again, you will have to be re-categoried in your friends brain. It is in that small window of opportunity that you will be able to make your friend fall in love with you.

This method works. I have used it, and it worked for me, but it is going to take work on your part. Are you sure your friend is worth it?

-Frank B Kermit

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