A
female
age
18-21,
maryjane22
writes:I am in a three year relationship with the man that I know is "the one". I really care about him and I find that no one else makes me feel as complete as he does. However, the passion has just died. I feel like sex is a violation and he requires it every time I see him. I feel loving towards him, but sex is an obligation. I never enjoy sex; I never want to have sex. This is ruining our invested relationship (I have been honest with him about my feelings). I still feel sexual as I am fantasizing about others. I really want to make it work; What do I do to improve our sex life and diminish these feelings of disgust toward sex with him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): He is using your body and when he is done with it he will be done with you. You need a life partner a man who respect your soul your body adn yourself. You dont need an abuser who just come to use your body.
A
female
reader, maryjane22 +, writes (24 June 2007):
maryjane22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really appreciate both of your sensitive replies, thank you. You've both told me things I have never thought about before.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): The only thing I can offer is my own experience. I wonder in reading your post whether he has done something to make you feel disgusted - a derogatory remark or selfishness etc. If not then I would have to question whether your love for him is as complete as you say. I knew I was out of love with my husband when I could not bare the thought of sex or him touching me sexually - he had been hurtful in the 'bedroom' saying things etc so this created a backdrop for much resentment. These things are difficult to erase. Other sources are things you may have witnessed in others making you feel disgust etc. When you wholly love someone the act of making love is very natural and should feel like the cherry on the top of your love - yes, you sometimes have to create the right mood / environment - but when you do this the rest follows. Please also consider how you feel about yourself. Esteem is a powerful reflection in your sex life. Do not be afraid of your feelings - they are yours.
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (24 June 2007):
 I think u need therapy to help u choosing him as a friend or a lover in case u cannot combine both u can try being friends I woulnt have sex with him for a time while going to counselling to see if things or sexual feelings towards this guy come up again, maybe it is just a psychilogical warning that u do not want to be with him or about any dor t of emotional abuse u suffered in the past, try to work on it to be alone is not bad if u need no relationships for a time meybe to let him go would be the right thing to do
keep on trying to be ok and never have sex cos of an obligation dear, that's to do with human rights, there's surely a reason for u feeling like this
ciao
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