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female
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asho320
writes:I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21, we've been going out 7 months, he loves me to bits (more so than I love him)which is killing me. I wish I loved him more but I dont. He wants to marry me and have kids soon (in the next 2 years) but I want to marry/kids in my early 30's so we both arguie about that. Lately, I have been snapping at him for no reason, I don't know why, because he is too good and nice to me, he treats me so well, I feel that he deserves much better, I do not want to dump him because I do love him, I wish I loved him more, I want to wait ten years to have kids but he wants to be a young dad, but I want to enjoy my youth. I have not seen any of my friends in the last 7 months because I am always with him and never go out to pubs/clubs, I miss my friends so much it's killing me that I can't see them ever again, he gets very jealous and gives out when guy friends text me. I do love him but I want some space. What should I do?
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male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (29 June 2007):
 I think you have several problems with your boyfriend. and I also think that they all might result in your losing him. But, read on, please.Let me start with the easy things first. I agree that you should have the option of spending time with your friends, and this should not be a problem for your boyfriend. In this regard, I think that all you'd need to do is maybe go with him and spend time with your friends, so he can feel more secure about them.I think your decision to wait before you have children is commendable. You're too young to become a mother. However, it is always difficult to manage differences like this in a couple. I'm not sure he will want to wait. You need to get used to the idea that you might lose him for this reason. However, this is the easiest problem to tackle: contraceptives should help. If he won't use them, then you might, and there is nothing he can do about this.And then, he wants to marry. I don't think this is the time for that. You need to tell him that you'd marry him, but later in life.And, I guess that the general problem is that your boyfriend expects you to do things you're not ready to do. It seems to me like he controls too much of your activities. If you don't wanna dump him, I think you should move little by little. There is no way to do this regarding marriage and children; but you can inch your way towards being able to see your friends again. One small thing a time.I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Some people of your age don't want to settle down and have that much commitment so young and so early into a relationship and thats not a bad thing, but if thats what he wants and you can't offer him that then maybe it's time to call it a day.
You have plenty of time for that so go and have some fun and enjoy yourself and i'm sure your boyfriend will see it for the best.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, honeyross + ♥, writes (29 June 2007):
 You must be feeling completely suffocated by him. It's totally normal and right to want to enjoy your youth and not be stuck in a marriage when you haven't experienced your freedom.I think you need to build up the strength to talk to him honestly. If a possible marriage is going to work in future, you'll need to be able to see your friends and he'll need to see his friends otherwise the marriage would explode.If he's the right guy, he'll have the patience to wait for you and the strength to give you your space. He may be very loving, but we need more than love - we need respect and understanding too.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Good on you, you being 19, its way too early to start up a family yet, and im shocked that he, only being 21, would want to start a family so soon. Yet i do appreciate the fact that he may want to be a young dad, but it should be a joint decision. Because like you said its better to settle down in your 30's. Live a little first. Have fun, because once you have kids, you wont be able to do much else. You really should talk to him about it, sit him down and tell him how you are feeling. Stick to your guns and drum it into him. If he starts arguing with you if you ask to talk about how you feel about the marriage and kid situation, then ask for a break. He should respect your opinion as much as you respect his. Spend time catching up with your friends and really enjoy yourself. You only live once, theres still plenty of time to start a family.I hope ive helped. Good luck. :) xxxx
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