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I love him but his behaviour is repelling me!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all!

I'm here cause I think my boyfriend is about to go through a mid life crisis. He's 39 and I'm 24. He's posting these teenage looking pics like one of them is with his very rare credit card and some with hoodies etc. it's turning me off. He's never behaved like this before, we've been together four years! He also wanted to go to Vegas on a trip and I didn't want to because I'm not into the things he wanted to do like casinos etc. and anyway, I'm not financially secure yet. He's been going on trips with people I never meet and is all of sudden, spending a ton of money on his appearance (thousands). So, he's either cheating, going through a mid life crisis or both. I don't know. I love him but his behavior is repelling me. If I had wanted to date a twenty year old douche, I would have. I want my down to earth man back!! Please help

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015):

Yeah it sounds like maybe he is cheating. There is someone, other than you, he is trying to impress. That's why his demeanor and appearance have changed. Sounds like it's probably a girl who is young and into this flashy lifestyle.

Have you checked his social network sites to see what new friends he's added or followed? You know, since he started acting different?

Because if the content of his posts have changed so drastically, it's probably because whoever he is trying to impress is on there watching him.

If I were you I'd do some digging cause I would want to know. You could also ask him but I don't know how far that will get you.

But all in all, I think what you are finding out about this guy is that he is not authentic. He's a chameleon. His personality and interests change as quickly and easily as his devotion to any one girl.

I'm sorry.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntCool it with this guy who is perilously close to "mid-life"... a time during which many, real CRISES occur.

Take six months apart... and send us a report on September 14th...

Good luck...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (12 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHoneypie is right... he's feeling his age. 39 was a very hard birthday for me.... By all means tell him exactly what you said "If I had wanted to date a twenty year old douche, I would have."

and then if he does not change, feel free to walk away.... If he's like most of us aging (and 39 is not MIDLIFE quite yet but it's a huge milestone and used to mean a LOT more than in recent years) is scary and it hits us all with a fury we hate.

Growing up we think that life is good and we will just wake up one day and be old like our grandparents. It's a total shock when our bodies start aging but our brains are still 20. You start waking up stiff and sore just because. You look forward to going to bed at 11 pm and not going out on work nights... you slow down. This starts around 40.

I hope this is just him reacting to his internal feelings and you can fix this with him if not, just walk away you don't need that from him.

BTW I am 13 yrs older than my husband who at 37 was YOUNG... now at 41 I see him with bad knees.. slowing metabolism and aches and pains... he's not accepting this is normal aging and he's angry. I went through it a while ago and to be honest I'm thrilled to have him slowing down to match me.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 March 2015):

Honeypie agony aunt*** If I had wanted to date a twenty year old douche, I would have. I want my down to earth man back!! Please help***

TELL him EXACTLY that.

I'm sorry I HAD to laugh at that. Not because I think it's funny, but because I think you HIT the nail on the head.

My guess is, he is AFRAID that you think he is too old for you, or that you WILL think down the line that he is too old. So he is trying to "teenage" it up. Which end up being totally RIDICULOUS.

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