A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my Girlfriend now for 3 months now, I was with her before for a year and a half but ended.We are now back together and I seem like she is making me depressed all the time. Like today, we had a big argument, Earlier in the week we both agreed to stop the abusive name calling and what ever. Lately when we do argue she ends up calling me all the names under the sun like C**T, F***ING Idiot, blah blah blah.Every time I meantion about: Treat others the way you want to be treated, she gets the right hump and goes off on one when it is mentioned. I love her to bits, but she hurts me inside when abusive comments are chucked in my face. I do not say abusive comments back I just agree to what ever she says because I know it pisses her off big time. But I really Can't understand why she calls me the foulist names and still loves me????? Any help? Thanks x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): well it hard when you love someone and they give you that kind of treatment but you have to stant up for your self and let her know that you have feelings and that the way she treats you it hurts you boters you, GOOD LUCK
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): i know what it is like to love someone soooo much but not to beable to leave them because they may treat you like crap but you love them so much that it hurts.you need to talk to her again and sort it but dont do what i did and always believe what she says or it will keep going like that so try it again and talk but if it keeps going then finish her it will hurt at first but you will be better off.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I couldnt stand this now, because i used to have it years ago and never again. It is very very disrepectful and it makes the other person feel like crap. Tell her to stop it now or that it is, you two are over. If she takes the hump then tough, she has to learn what is good and bad, and that is certainly bad. Dont put up with it, be firm and let her know that you have had enough.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I've been in this position with my long term partner and because I was not firm enough from the beginning it has got worse over the years and now it's even more hurtful then ever. Some couples are happy to communicate this way as these are part of their 'terms of engagement'. I find it offensive and upsetting and very very hurtful and I end up resenting my partner. Now we are apart and it is far more painful 5 yrs down the line here than it would have been if I had sorted this out properly one way or another 4.5 yrs ago (he was ok for the st 6 months then the verbal abuse started to slowly come out). Nip it in the bud now. If this is making you miserable and you are not prepared to conduct your relationship on these communication terms, then either your partner has to change and get counselling or you could think about finding someone who is more in tune with your communication style particularly given that communication is such a big important part of any successful relationship. If she cannot accept that her behaviour is hurting you and is not fair, then is she really worth hanging onto. I got to the point with my partner where I felt it was almost like 'dial an insult'! and it robbed me of my self esteem for a while. Don't put up with it. Good luck sorting it out.
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (12 February 2008):
 Some people are just fowl mouthed, whether it's down to poor upbringing or just thinking that swearing is cool and 'grown up'.
It's ugly and painful when you're the listener, so you should be firm with her about it. If she can't clean up her mouth even though it hurts you, she can't care enough.
It's only been three months, so if you're really fed up, it's not too late for an ultimatum. Just say "It's me or your bad language". If she doesn't care, it's not much of a loss!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I personally would not be able to tolerate this kind of treatment and if any of my friends were in an abusive relationship like this I would tell them to get out immediately. However, I would suggest that you tell her that you love her but unless she gets some serious help immediately in the form of say anger management counselling then you will leave and stick to your word. Even if she were to get treatment, there is always the risk that she could revert to being abusive. You have to decide what you can tolerate. This is clearly hurting you and you do not have to put up with it.
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