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male
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sam s
writes: Hi, I have been seeing my gf for over 4 months now and I am totally in love with her. She says she is totally in love with me and that I’m everything to her. However I sometimes feel that she doesn’t treat me as well as I treat her. I feel that she almost has double standards about what is acceptable for her to do and what is acceptable for me to do. She was sort of seeing a guy for a few months before she met me. They still sometimes tx each other. Which I don’t really like but I deal with it and get over it because I don’t want to be an over protective jealous boyfriend. And it was his fault it didn’t work between them. The other day he told her that he still liked her. After he said that to her she was all weird with me and wasn’t her self at all. Afterwards she said she was weird with me because she was all confused about it because she used to like him so much and he finished it between them. But she said she loves me so much more and she wants to be with me.The next day she sort of fell out with him and she got really annoyed with him and was texing him a few times, mainly to have a go at him. Then she went to see him while I was just waiting for her for a few hours and it really hurt. It was almost like she was more bothered about sorting out the stuff with him than she was with me. I just think that if she gets so upset about something he said then she must still feel something for him, right? I don’t know weather or not I'm overreacting or not. I almost feel partly responsible because when stuff like this happens I just say its fine because I just don’t want to rock the boat. I almost feel now as if she thinks she can do anything to me and I just won’t care about it because I have never bothered in the past.She knows she treated me badly over all this and has totally apologized about it and she says that she feels really bad about it and that she would never do anything to hurt me again because I mean so much to her.But I can’t help but still think about it all. I keep thinking that she still likes that guy and that she is just staying with me because she doesn’t want to hurt me or because he is going away for a few months soon so she can’t have him. I feel so bad because I just don’t know what she is thinking. She tells me that she loves me and that she would never do anything like that again so should I just believe her? Part of me just wants to leave it all and get on with have a good time with her. However another part of me wants to tell her exactly how I’m feeling about it all. Should I talk to her about it and risk ruining everything or just try to put it all behind us because she has admitted it and apologized, and get on with have a good relationship. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): I'm afraid this is classic as hell. I'm going to bet you're a bit younger. Not as a jab at you but as a sign that this is totally outside the area of "okayness." This is the time not to be "okay" because you're the cool boyfriend. This is where you are being screwed. Taken advantage of. The wool pulled over the eyes. Trust is always the most important part of a relationship. Do you trust her. If the answer is no it doesn't matter who the fault is with. Only the trust matters.
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female
reader, august +, writes (31 May 2006):
i definitely think you should talk it over with her and let her know how it made you feel. i wouldn't bring it up in a forceful way. i would just tell her that something has been on your mind and bothering you and you just wanna get it off your chest in order to move on with the relationship. ask if she still has any left over feelings for him. but be prepared for what the answer may be. she may seriously love you, and this guy just came back and messed with her emotions, maybe there was unfinished business. tell her you didnt bring it up before because you didnt wanna add more stress to her during the time he was bothering her. but you deserve to know, and you are not risking ruining the relationship by bringing this up. she needs to know it bothers you for her to be in contact with him. if she is truly in love with you and is over and thru with him then she should cut him outta her life - especially if he's an ex. i hope everything works out for you. just get it off your chest. she should know.
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