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I love her and I'm ready for sex. Should I go ahead with it?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2010) 26 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, *ohnal writes:

Ok....Heres the situation me and this girl are deeply in love. We are not 18 we are both within a year of each other age wise. This past weekend we where close to having intercourse when I stopped us. The only reason I stopped us is I didn't want her to do something she would regret. I believe we are emotionally ready. But I don't know if we should have intercourse....I love her with all my heart and wouldn't leave her side if she had a child. I would just like to know if you guys think I should continue on the path I am on.

By The Way I Request No people saying stuff like "Tts wrong, or Your way to young" I only say this because I do fee it is right and that We are both ready for the next level.

View related questions: ready for sex

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (12 November 2010):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntNo matter what we say, you are going to try and excuse yourself in order to morally excuse yourself. The law has worked countless times. What about the criminals thrown in jail for crimes they DID commit. Do not overlook that. What about the laws that enable everyone to speak freely? And yet you would criticize the law simply because you cannot get what you want? That is exactly why everyone sees how unready you are for this.

Do not ruin this girl's life.

I hope that helps.

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A male reader, Kohnal United States +, writes (12 November 2010):

Kohnal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kohnal agony auntIts not the teachings of my parents. It is what I've established because I've so far never seen the law system work. Also if you think of it these laws are impeding on my rights as an american citizen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010):

Tennisstar88 is comepletely right. I mean c'mon ill say so, I'll be honest i do want to myself BUT i know better and know im not ready physically. But you shouldnt until you are of age, dispite my previous answer which i still by.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (11 November 2010):

dmartin89 agony auntKohnal - you are really showing your age by that response.

Sorry that you didn't get the go ahead that you wanted, I don't really know what you were expecting from adults with life experience.

You may not care what the law dictates, but they certainly wont think twice about putting you in jail for having sex with a minor.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 November 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt"I can care less what the law says " - I suppose this is one of the values you would be teaching to your child ?...

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (11 November 2010):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntEmotions is exactly what that law is based on! They know you will have the urge to have sex and they know that you will obviously fall into what you believe to be love. That is why they set that law, to ensure that you are taken care of and you grow to be ready. Think about it, if you can wait until you are old enough, would that not be proof that you are in love and you are patient and caring enough to be a good boyfriend or perhaps father? Just wait. The very notion that you are arguing against our warnings show that you are impatient and you are not ready.

I hope that helps.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (11 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntThat's exactly why they have those laws, because minors are not mature enough to engage in sex. At the end of the day, you think and do what you want.. End of story..

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A male reader, Kohnal United States +, writes (11 November 2010):

Kohnal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kohnal agony auntOk I really can care less what the law says...the law doesn't take your feelings into account it doesn't take into account the fact that you are going to be smart and use a condom. The law really don't dictate life as much as people think.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (11 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntAgain, at the end of the day it is the law..and you ARE a minor.

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A male reader, Kohnal United States +, writes (11 November 2010):

Kohnal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kohnal agony auntI would like to thank a couple people on this question......I would like to point out that when I said I would stand by her if for some reason she had a child, I did not mean "play house". Yes I know how hard it is to raise a child. I know where I can get steady work and a place of residence. I also would like to point out that I said I didn't want answers like "Your to young" or "Its not right" Because I know my feelings for her and I know her feelings towards me. I have since talked to her about it. And we both agreed to wait ONLY based on the fact that we cannot get married. We believe that a child should be raised in a household with a married mother and father.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

If you think you're old enough and ready to have sex then why are you asking us for advice? You don't want people telling you you're too young etc... so what advice do you want? You want everyone to agree with you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

If you think you're old enough and ready to have sex then why are you asking us for advice? You don't want people telling you you're too young etc... so what advice do you want? You want everyone to agree with you?

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (8 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntNo because like everyone else said you're a minor, the legal age of consent varies per state...

Age of consent 16: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia

Age of consent 17: Colorado, Illinois, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, New Mexico, New York, Texas

Age of consent 18: Arizona, California, Delaware, Florida, Idaho, North Dakota, Oregon, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming.

Basically, you want us to tell you what you want to hear..which isn't going to happen. If you were really ready to engage in this act then you wouldn't be on here polling all of us to see if we give you the green light. The legal age of consent is set that high for a reason, it keeps underage, immature teens from doing something that they aren't ready for in the first place.

Wait till you are both of legal age in your state, then discuss whether you both are ready or not..You believe she is ready isn't enough.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (8 November 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt You think you are ready for sex, but the law disagrees. You don't want us to tell you you are too young for sex...but that's exactly what the law says : you are under age.

And "you wouldn't leave her side if she had a child ". Oh really. And how that would be helping her exactly ?

Have you got a steady job with a steady income ? Savings for emergencies ? Career perspectives ? have you got a place to live on your own ?

Have you got the experience ,emotional stability, and maturity to be a good father and provide a positive role model ?

Or do you simply mean that you would not mind to play house for a bit, -while your parents and/or the state pay for bringing up that child ?

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2010):

dmartin89 agony auntIf your parents find out or whets or one of your friends parents there is a likelihood that they could tell the police that you have been having underage sex.

You could be put in jail for statutory rape.

If you love her that much, wait until you ate both of age.

Th fact is, neither of your bodies are ready for sex because of your young age.

I know you said thAt you don't want people commenting on your age, but if you were 17 I can't imagine you would need to ask anyone this question.

Getting approval from anyone on here doesnt mean it's right or a good idea. Because it's not..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

Please, no comments like "it's wrong" or "you are too young"

? ? ?

With all due respect, you don't really seem to want our opinions. You seem to want cheerleading in support of the answer that you want to hear.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

in your own words you said you are 'ready for sex' and implied if she gets pregnant you are ready for that too. It puts too much pressure on a child's body, mentally and physically to have a baby when her body is still growing. But you dont care. Because you are still a boy, not a man, you have not thought through that pregnancy comes later in a committed relationship, when people are smart. All you are really ready for is the chance to finish your education, get a part time job, and develop your masterbation techniques to a better standard than now. But immature boys get a kick out of finding they can get a girl pregnant, without any empathy for the child or the girl and the strong social stigma that surrrounds girls and their babies, when girls get pregnant too young. The baby also suffers parents who are inexperienced as parents due to lack of life experience, which no one expects you to have at your age. Your own words demonstrate you are not ready for a relationship. You are just like a randy dog who has found a female dog who seems willing to entertain your basest of carnal desire. That is just sex. That is not love, it is lust. That is not a relationship, it's just playing at what you think is included. Why should your parents and her parents have to fund the errors of your life? You can't afford to maintain a household, you can't afford to pay for all the upkeep of two children - that's you and the girl plus a baby.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

well it's not the age. you may regret it in the future, so stay patient enjoy your time with your girl, have fun, use protection.

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A female reader, fisch777 United States +, writes (8 November 2010):

I can't say if you guys should or shouldn't have sex. I think either way your going to do what you want to do. You say you both are ready to make that big of a decision. I think you both are young and you will have plenty of time for that and if your questioning it then maybe you both should agree to wait alittle longer. However if you do decide to go with it please look into condoms and have her get on birth control as well. You can look into family planning centers in your town. I believe you should use both, for the obvious reasons. Also if she does use birth control you should wait a week or two for it to kick into her system. You mention having a kid but at your age you really don't realize what that means. The stress, money, etc. So please look into it. I was a teen mother and so trust me I know.

Good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

At 15 you're going to "stand by her" if she's pregnant? Stand by her and do what? Odds are her parents are not going to be terribly happy and you're too young (ops, there it is) to actually do anything... you can't get a job, and even if you could, is minimum wage going to do any good (no). If you decide to have any kind of sexual contact (and you are too young), it doesn't have to be full on intercourse.

Slow down, any enjoy being a kid- adulthood will come fast enough.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

You said you wouldn't leave her if she had a child. Well, that's a relief, but it only speaks of you immaturity if you have not thought of using good birth control. If you love her, why would you even contemplate getting her pregnant before she is even i8 and without marriage? The first poster giver wise counsel--you are not being driven by love, but by your hormones.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

You said you wouldn't leave her if she had a child. Well, that's a relief, but it only speaks of you immaturity if you have not thought of using good birth control. If you love her, why would you even contemplate getting her pregnant before she is even i8 and without marriage? The first poster giver wise counsel--you are not being driven by love, but by your hormones.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

honestly if you think your both ready for it then go for it... me and my boyfriend decided to do it when I was we were both only like 14.. I think we did it too early since we had only been going of for a little while but it brought us soooooo much closer as a couple. it helped us show how much we love eachother and it made us trust eachother and all around it made our relationship so much better. as long as you are both 100% ready for it, it couldn't hurt just remember use protection!!!!

hope this helps ;)

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (8 November 2010):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntYou have tried to prevent hearing what you already know. No matter how much you dislike that answer, the fact of the matter is that you ARE too young. It may feel as though you are emotionally ready but you never know. Which is why you should wait until you are both ready. Think of it this way, what better way to prove your devotion and love towards each other than being patient enough to wait for something as emotionally impacting as sex? If you both are able to wait until you are older, then you will know that you really love each other.

What I wish to remind you and all other sexually active teenagers who may be reading this is that the legal age was set for a reason, it was not to spite the youth, it was not to irritate you, it was because at that age, you have a clearer mind and a more physically prepared body.

I hope that helps.

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A male reader, Selvi India +, writes (8 November 2010):

Selvi agony auntIt is only the age problem buddy

yours is not the age to have affair like this

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010):

Like i had said to another questioner."something that should happen on its own" at least something like that.But anyway what i mean is, if its going to happen and your not thinking about it, its just happening, let it :)

If you both feel emotional and physically ready, fine.Just let happen. Who am i to disbelief in something i believe? But yet who am i to say that if i also think what you asked not say....

I think im saying stay on your path,but dont do something you both will regret.

Xoxo Take care

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