A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:"OP Own Title" Hello, I'd like to start off by saying that I am not an anti-gaming activist. I do not hate video games. To an extent, I am a gamer. I have a soft spot for the older Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo games and occasionally FPS and the Sims. However, I recognize that gaming is not a lifestyle- it is a hobbie. I do not allow for it to interfere with those I love and the necessities of being responsible. I cannot say the same about my boyfriend.A little background information is probably in order. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship by 600 miles (approximately 11 hours worth of driving) and we visit each other every 6 weeks for 1 week. During that 1 week of visiting, our attention is mostly on each other. During the other 6 weeks, we text during the day with phone calls at night. In two weeks, the distance will officially be over. I can't decide if I really want that or not. You see, my boyfriend is addicted to WoW and it's hurting our relationship.For the first two months of us being together, he never played WoW. I found out later it was more because he was trying really hard to get to know me and because he was amazed at being in love. He was only taking a break from WoW. I didn't even know he played the game- he never told me. It was a very sudden thing. One night he called me while he was on vent. He started saying strange things that made no sense to me. I recall he once kept screaming out "Ice block, you idiots, ice block!" He eventually explained that he was on vent with some people on WoW. I was so confused. It slowly became a daily thing and I was too scared of upsetting him that I wasn't really sure how to ask him to stop. It was new enough into the relationship that I was more worried about keeping him happy than myself because that made me happy. Not so much anymore.A few months later (I'm not too proud of myself for how long it took) I asked him to knock off vent. He became immediately defensive and offended. He started screaming that I wanted to take him away from his friends. He said I just didn't want him to have any friends. He said it was no big deal if he was on ventrilo when we were on the phone because he would still talk to me. Not true. He would barely talk to me then get upset if I stopped talking. I don't know why I never hung up. If I ever tried to talk to him, he would never hear me and if I complained later, he would tell me that "You need to speak up because I have people screaming in my ear." Like that was my fault.Now I only get phone calls MAYBE four days of the week, because he raids Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. The nights when he doesn't raid, he spends with friends and families. I don't let him call me when he's with other people now. It is not possible for him to call me before 9PM. Only two months into our relationship, we lost our main source of communication. I started picking fights with him because it was the only time he would pay full attention to me.The last week that I visited him for, he spent the entire time on WoW. Since he woke up until he went to bed, stopping only for food, he was on WoW. He got upset with me when I left one morning because I was sick of him playing WoW. He said "You only left because I was on WoW." But later on when I told him that he wasn't spending any time with me and spent it all on WoW. The only reason I would even be in the area would be for him. It's not like I had anything else to do, let alone anyone to be with. His response? "If you don't like it when I play WoW, don't be around when I play WoW." Which is a complete contradiction to what he said two days earlier.Mostly I'm scared that once I move in with him (a huge move I'm making for us and only for us) that it will be for nothing. Our Friday and Saturday nights are already called for by WoW. Any previous plans we would've had are now gone because he "Didn't know that I was going to be raiding those days. Don't get mad at me for what I didn't know." Well, don't promise me things if you're not sure you can follow through. And I definitely don't want another week like the last week.I talked to him about it and he said it would probably happen again and happen a lot. He also asked if it would be easier on me once I move in if he spent longer hours on WoW. I said no and he got really upset with me.WoW bothers me more than any other video game for two reasons: 1. You can't pause it. Once you're in a raid, you're in it for about three hours and you're in it until it's done. That's three hours where I know I can't rely on my boyfriend for anything. and 2. It's an online social game. He's essentially abandoning me for people he doesn't even know because he would rather play a game with strangers than hang out with me.At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to leave him. But muffins help me, I love him so much and I don't want to. Someone please tell me you understand and help me please.PS. I don't blame Blizzard (the creator of WoW) for this. It's my boyfriend who has the problem. If it wasn't WoW, it would be something else.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 July 2010):
 Not a funny situation.
Honestly, I would not make ultimatums or anything else I would quietly end the relationship. When he gets done with WoW, he will find another game and another. If you "demand" that he quit the game for you he will resent you.
I know of people in their late 50's who play 40-60 hours a week......... It's their whole life.
Honey, you deserve a man who wants to be around you, who wants to spend time WITH you.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 July 2010):
 My best friend was addicted to WoW for a while. He's getting back into it now because of the upcoming expansion... Ugh. Whatever, it's his wasted time.
In your situation, I wouldn't move in with him. He's been gradually moving further and further away. How he's reacting is crazy. I guarantee he wouldn't feel like he does if your roles were switched. The problem is, he isn't going to see this. That game can consume you. Part of the draw is that you're playing with and against real people. There is so much you can do in that virtual world that the real world often falls short.
I pity him, because you sound like a great girl. He's incredibly lucky to have found someone who accepts gaming. You're a rare breed among women. As a gamer myself, I've often had to choose between the games and a girl. At least the games are still there after the relationship ends...
For him to say it would be appropriate for him to spend MORE time on the game when you move there is absurd. It should be the opposite.
The way I see things, you'll have to force a decision if you want the relationship to continue. Either he cuts down to raid nights (so you're not taking the game entirely away) when you move in, or it's over. You want to be with him, and you can't be when he's spending all his time in the game.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): "PS. I don't blame Blizzard (the creator of WoW) for this. It's my boyfriend who has the problem. If it wasn't WoW, it would be something else."
You have just said it yourself. This is going to be an issue no matter what. You need to leave. You sound like a nice person who is willing to put a lot into a relationship, but you're not getting anything out of this. There is someone out there who will value you, just not this guy.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Agh. I was reading in a magazine about people who are addicted to video games. Maybe you could get him some help? But from what you've said it doesnt sound like he'd take it. I don't understand online games at all, but I have 3 brothers and whilst they arn't as extreme as that I realise how hard it is to break through to them when they are playing! In my opinion you play video games when there's nothing better to do, and he's not, hes taking up his weekend with this!! I mean a Friday and Saturday night is meant to be for going out and having fun.Moving on. My honest advice would be to break up with this guy. Yes you like him but in all reality, he's basically chosing games over you. It's rude and incosiderate not to spend time with you when your in a strange place and have gone so far to see him. He cant even leave the game for a few minutes to talk to you on the phone. He's not being a good boyfriend! You definatly should not move in with him! If he's making you move so far away from your family and friends then it needs to be for a pretty damn special guy, and at the moment he's not acting like one. Does he have other hobbies? Does he have a job? Can you really see a future with this guy? I think you should break things off, explain why, and if he really care's he'll come after you and leave the damn game. But it really sounds like he has a problem.I hope I helped, good luck x
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