A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I'm struggling at the moment as I'm quite a sensitive person and I've always wanted to be liked by everyone. This means that sometimes I give people more effort or time than they would give me and I take comments people make quite personally. Over the last say 3-4 years I seem to or gained a lot of people that dislike me without actually knowing me at all, childhood friends say horrible things about me or write spiteful things that are quite clearly aimed at me on social media. I've never done anything nasty to any of them though, I've never fallen out with them or had arguments or said anything hurtful. What I have done in the past four years is greatly work on myself and that seems to of left people disliking me. I was overweight, working in a dead end job as I didn't get my grades at school, I was really unhealthy and ate junk all the time with little money. I was always referred to as the girl with the really pretty face but not much else going for her. Which is sad. However at this time I was liked, nobody cared what I did, what I wore or where I went. I decided to turn my life around, I lost 42lbs taking me to a size XS, I had a beast enlargement as even when I was overweight I never had a bust and It deeply affected my confidence (not too large I went to a C/D cup). I got my grades and invested my time into a new business which I am now a manager of an area this, a business that has rapidly taken off and has left me earning good money. I've managed to buy myself my first sports car, I wear nice clothes and I'm saving for my own house. Things that I am extremely proud of. Me and my partner of six years have recently got engaged and at this moment in time I'm truly happy with my life. The only aspect that gets me down is the loss of friends over the years. How many people hate to see someone doing well in there life has shocked me. I first had sly digs about my breast enlargement even from the people that used to mock me and call me 'fried egg boobs'. I've had people call me a 'gym obsessed rat' and said there's more to life than the way you look. People don't like that I eat healthy and then people don't like when I post a picture on MY social media of the giant cake shop I've found or the cake I've made. I can't seem to win. I pride myself in being a nice person, I was bullied badly when I was younger for being shy and chubby and I always vowed to never make anybody feel the way I was made to feel. Throughout these last few years I've managed to keep 4 real friends out of the masses I had. I don't get to see them much because of work but I know they would be there if I needed them and vice versa. I don't go out drinking or clubbing very much as I would prefer to have a niceMeal with my fiancé or go away for the weekend. My close friends accept this. I guess these last few years I've grown up. The people that judge me are old friends of mine, most of them now overweight, working at the local call centre or out of work because there single mums. The thing is, I would never judge them over social media the way they judge me. I need to get a thick skin and fast, I tell myself that there opinion doesn't matter as most of them I haven't even seen for years. But deep down Inside im still that school girl that got bullied and is trying to get everyone to like her. It hurts being judged when you haven't done anything wrong.
View related questions:
boobs, bullied, clubbing, confidence, engaged, money, overweight, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 Miserable people with miserable lives. it's just so much easier to point the judgemental finger at others when really they would probably benefit from getting a bit real with themselves.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 March 2016):
 You took a massive leap in growth. I guess you can say you hit YOUR rock bottom and instead of wallowing in it, you climbed your way out.
GOOD for you and congratulations in not giving up on life!
As for EVERY single person who now seems to "hate" you because you found your strength - CUT them out of your life. They aren't friends. Friends would be happy for a friend to do well.
Accept that you can not please everyone but that you DO have a choice in whom you want to surround yourself with and whom you don't.
Having 4 REAL friends is WAY better than 25 mean ones. Friendships are NEVER about quantity, but quality.
Let the negative people go, I bet you it will feel freeing.
Look to the future, but live in the here and now. Let the past go.
Also, it is time for you to ENJOY life!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (26 March 2016):
 Sometimes we just outgrow one another and that seems to be the case here. The shy, chubby you was the you they knew and could relate to. This new and improved you is someone different (to them) and they don't really know what to make of you.
It sounds like you've outgrown these friends. This is perfectly normal and happens all the time. Some we outgrow and some outgrow us. Several years ago I went through a similar transformation (more internal though) and came to realise that some of my old friends I really should have put out to pasture long ago. They're gone now and I haven't missed them.
So, I second the earlier advice about purging people from your life who don't add to the quality of it. It doesn't mean they're terrible people, just that they aren't good for you anymore. No announcements, just quietly block and delete. Keep only those you can be yourself with.
Life is hard enough. Reduce the burden by travelling light.
...............................
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (26 March 2016):
Dear lady, you sound awesome! There is just one piece of advice that I have, and there is no doubt in my mind that the other aunts will share this piece of advice...here it is!!
GET RID OF ANYONE FROM YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA AND YOUR LIFE THAT EVER MAKES YOU FEEL LESS THAN YOU ARE!!
From what you have written, you have got your life in order here! You don't need negative people in your life now- you've come so far, now for the last part of your transformation my lovely! Get rid of the bullies from your past, they've no place in your life now- take control of it now! Block them! Defriend them! Get rid! It will be so cathartic - do it now! Today! And don't look back, you amazing woman! Good luck!
...............................
|
