A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm in my mid 25s, in love with a man at work. I very much enjoy my job so wouldn't risk it unless it's really worth it. The man is still playing the field and after inviting him over for coffee and a frank discussion it's clear we want different things, e.g. he doesn't believe in love, just sex. There had been some sexual tension between us but we didn't even discuss the possibility of a relationship or affair of any sort when he came over, as it became clear from the beginning of the conversation we have such opposing ideas and thoughts. In the end, I felt we were sincere, open minded and quite respectful of each other and our theories, such that he opened up and said he'd do something for me in a friendly manner which I knew he isn't at all comfortable doing. Before that, I had recently put some distance between us as he is very flirty and touchy feely and he picked up on it and stopped touching me playfully. I had secretly enjoyed the touching but couldn't bare the confusion. Now, I thought we were going to be pure friends or buddies but today he started touching me randomly on the way home and even staring at me. Ostentatiously.My actual problem is that I feel extremely shy and intimidated when a man I like does this. I feel like hiding and blush, especially when I don't expect it. Had we been in a rship I could counteract with a long and passionate kiss, but in a friendship I'm nearly always unsure how to handle it.He may even get some kicks out of this but I'm sure he has someone lined up for sex so why keep sending me mixed messages. I can't be friends like this, and I really honestly hoped we could be very good friends. Without benefits ofc.For men: how bad is it that I literally melt when the man I like touches me or stares at me?
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affair, at work, flirt, mixed messages, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): Gotta hand it to this player.He sure does know his game. He's got you quivering at the very thought of him or melting away by a single glance. He's got some major super powers, doesn't he?Imagine all the other girls he's got quivering and melting?I, on the other hand, would actually take great pride in knocking him off his pedestal and down to earth where he belongs, with the rest of us mere mortals.I would ignore him from now on.Why are you boosting his ego? While making yourself look like a desperate groupie? You don't see it but you are playing exactly into his hands. He knows he's got you shaking in your boots. That is not something I would take pride in if I were you. He thinks you are easy pickings.Office flings are a very bad idea. Don't end up one of the casualties of this soap opera old as time. Just new characters. Same players. Only this player is pretty stupid playing his game in the place he works. You equally stupid by reciprocating.And don't think you aren't being watched and gossiped about either.You are.And you are the laughing stock of the office.You are going to not only lose your job if you keep going down this slippery slope but you will lose your reputation. For a woman especially and a woman in the corporate world, that means EVERYTHING. Worth gambling away on this full of himself Romeo who is only up-ing his game to get into your pants? And is up-ing his game to several responsive women at once? It is a number's game you know. One of them has got to cave...IF you do cave, he is gonna dump you so fast, you really WILL MELT!And you will be left... feeling... PLAYED.SO Not Worth It.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 February 2017):
 I agree with N91
You know what kind of a man he is, you know it's a WASTE of time trying to pursue him for anything other than casual sex and... HE is a co-worker which means it's even LESS of a good idea.
Don't eat where you crap - aka - don't date in the workplace. It creates tension, drama, awkwardness and so many blurred lines that are just not appropriate in the workplace.
BE professional, be polite and courteous BUT stop the flirting and games with him. (and yes you ARE playing games but ALLOWINg him to use you for attention).
He can't be your friend either. Because he is CONSTANTLY trying to get in your panties and he knows he has an effect on you that means if he pushes enough you might give in. And then what? He isn't going to date you or CARE about you. And after he has HAD you, he will try the next girl in the office. You know that. The guy is a player and "proud" of it.
Remember THIS is the place you work at. If you are looking for a partner, a BF LOOK outside of the workplace.
If he keeps touching you, tell him to tone it down and quit touching you as it makes you uncomfortable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2017): I think he has decided that he wouldnt mind having a romp with you so has started the touching feeling again.
As for your last question I think the melting feeling is normal and happens to us all under those circumstances.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 February 2017):
 You want different things. Don't get yourself into a workplace romance, especially with someone who only wants casual when you want more.
Put distance between yourselves and keep it professional. He's not worth your time.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 February 2017):
 It's normal to melt, but you know he's not for you and you need to tell him to stop. Friends don't touch each other like that and he knows you like it, so he's just keeping you on the hook.
He's playing the field and you want different things, so you need to put even more distance beteeen you. Tell him not to touch you and start moving on.
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