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I like this guy, but he is coming on too strong?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 June 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2015)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

There's a guy I know who I have become interested in, and I think he is interested in me as well. However, I am finding that he comes on very strong and it's making me a little uncomfortable. He is very polite, and his compliments are all appropriate, but they are too much too soon, and I feel they cheapen the experience. I'm just a regular person but he is acting over the top about some things.

I am not the kind of person who likes being the center of attention, so I dont know what to do with this. How can I tell him I dont like the flattery, and I'd prefer if we could just take it slow?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015):

I have had a similar experience and it is overwhelming when a guy flatters a woman.

The guy I got in touch with i had a crush on in my freshman year of high school. I met him one time and after that he never even said "hello" in the years i was in high school.him and i talked on the phone a couple of times and emailed a lot. He finally came out last october and i was nervous and excited before meeting him at a local restaurant. He had put on 50 pounds more andthe first thing he says to me is "i wouldnt have recognized you had i seen you."

He said "you look great."

But all along he was planning somethung. I ended up getting drunk and the next morning the guy wouldnt even give me a ride to my car. He said "i dont want to get a ticket."

I had to take a taxi back. jerk

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 June 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntFeeling "uncofortable" is your instincts telling you to be very careful. Mind those instincts over any other mind games you or he might try to play. ALWAYS trust those instincts, they may save your life and/or your physical or mental well-being. I think you might ought to remove yourself altogether from the situation. Be careful though on how you exit the proposed relationship, he could be dangerous. Trust those instincts. Too many women have ignored them thinking, "Oh he's just coming on too strong..it'll be OK. Then they find themselves in real trouble. Good Luck!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (13 June 2014):

One of the most important things in establishing a relationship is setting boundaries. When things are said and done that make you uncomfortable, it is best to be honest and speak up. You gain respect and the unwanted behavior stops before it gets out of hand.

There is the possibility that he may want to get you into bed; but he may also be over-anxious; because he is uncertain if you are as interested in him, as he is in you.

These days people want everything in a hurry. You are the one being pursued; so you should set the pace as to how fast things go.

Tell him you are uneasy with too many compliments; but you appreciate how he feels. Let him know you prefer to take things slow, and you really prefer to judge a guy by how he treats you, rather than what he says. Be straight forward about that.

This will get several points across. It will slow him down in his tracks; and it also sends the message that you aren't that naive and so easily swayed by flattery.

Open and honest communication should begin now. It starts at the dating stage.

Don't be accusatory or complain too much. You don't know exactly what he's up to. You mainly want to get the point across that the compliments are coming on too strong; which makes them sound less sincere. Not only that, but you must demonstrate your level of intellect and gullibility. He is evaluating you, just as much as you are getting to know things about him. Some young ladies demand a lot of attention and flattery, and that may be his experience. This is your chance to show him the type of woman he is dealing with now.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (13 June 2014):

CindyCares agony auntWel, yes, Mark1978 could be right, laying it on thick is the classic M.O. of people who want something from you and want it soon.

Or, if we do not want to be suspicious, that's just what he is, his personality, he is a naturally effusive guy , same as you are a naturally reserved person. If you end up together, you'll have to meet each other halfway .

In doubt, either way, you can simply tell him politely what you feel. " You are very nice to compliment me so often and so much, and I appreciate your kindness, but, to tell you the truth, I don't feel that right about it , it makes me sort of uncomfortable. I am the kind of person who does not like to be the center of attention, and who likes to take things slow , if you can keep this in mind, that would be great ".

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (13 June 2014):

Anonymous 123 agony aunt"John, I like you, I know you're very fond of me too and maybe this could go somewhere but I feel you're coming across as a little too strong as its making me a little uncomfortable and very conscious of myself! I know I'm fabulous and its great that you think so too but I'm just not used to all this praise and I'd like it if you could tone it down a little. Lets just be regular friends, hang out, and see where it goes. "

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (13 June 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntAre you sure he is not just trying to find a quick route into your bed? Constant compliments, making you the centre of attention...sounds like he is in a hurry for one thing.

Mark

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A male reader, unknown2u United States +, writes (13 June 2014):

The last time I fell for someone I may very well have come across the way you're describing this guy, although it never ocurred to me at the time. I say what I feel -- if she's particularly attractive, I tell her. If she's done something particularly smart, or especially sexy, I tell her. It's all sincere. I guess I assumed it would be thought of as gallant. If you're not finding it that way, gently tell him that you're uncomfortable with how he's behaving. Just be honest -- if he's really into you, the last thing he wants is to drive you away be being over the top.

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