A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 turning 18 in a couple of months and this week I started my degree at university. This week was all just intro sorta stuff so eveyrone could get to know each other. This random guy who is doing the same degree as me came up to me and started talking to me. I was so happy cause I didn't know anyone and he be-friended me. Usually I am such a shy person and barely talk around people when I just meet them but for some reason I talked heaps around him. He gave me confidence and made me feel like he was interested in me, like I was worthy to talk to, so I guess talking was easy. In fact i could barely stop! So this was great. He asked me for my number and we talked heaps after uni. And we did the next day, and the next too. Then he visited me at work one night and asked me out on a date to the movies. We went on that date last night. Basically here is my problem...I feel like things are moving way to fast. Although im nearly 18 i havent been far with any guys. And its one of my ideologies that you shouldnt allow youself to be intimate (even just kissing) with a guy unless you're in a relationship. So for him to try and make moves on me in the movie made me really uncomfortable. He held my hand and put his arm around me and so on and hugged me. And I didn't mind that but I didnt want to go further although I could tell he wanted ot kiss me but I just dodged that whole situation. He kissed my forehead though, and my hand and cheek when saying goodbye.He wants to see me again though and I dont know if i should see him or not for another date. I just dont know if I want to go out with him. Im scared of being in a relationship because that means we shuld be phsycially closer and being phsycial scares me. Soooo much.Also im afraid im just going to be used and get hurt. I dont know him that well and i dont know anyone who knows him to tell me what hes like. Some of my friends who have nevet met him seem to think hes might be a player and are all against me going out with him. They think that since he was so confident in coming forward to me and makde moves so fast and he def seemed to know what he was doing in the movies, puting his fingers through my hair etc, meant that he was experienced. And one of my friends said he probably even have lots of sexualy transmitted diseases. And this could all be true. And if hes like that, if hes been around and so on I dont wanna go out with someone like that. So i dont know what to do.how do i know if hes a player and/or just going to use me? how do i know that hes interested in me more then just geting some action?Also, heres another part of the situation that comes in and makes it oh so tricky. I still have deep feelings for one of my friends who I absolutely love to death! He has the same feelings but he had to move to a diff city due to university. For a long time I wouldnt even look at another guy because I had these feelings for him. And when he would talk about girls I would get jealous. Then he told me i need to get over it and move on basicaly. So thats what im trying to do and when i told him that he starts complimenting me and basicaly indicating that he still loves me. And he tried turning me off this guy saying he doesnt sound like good news etc. And then when he KNEW i was on the date with this guy he sent me a message ot my phone trying to interupt it. And that really upset me. Cause then I kept thinking about him and how much I like him still.I dont know what to do! Give this guy another chance and risk geting hurt and forcing myself into an uncomfortable situation or not and risk missing out on something that could be good?
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at work, confidence, jealous, kissing, move on, player, shy, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Hi, this is what I would do if I was in your shoes, but the decisions are really up to you as you know these two guys better than we do.
I would tell the guy who moved away and said for you to move on to stop texting you and calling you so you can do just that, move on...stop talking to him about other guys, it is none of his business as he is not dating you and is no longer your boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with the new guy showing you some physical affection by touching your hand and kissing your forehead. He sounds like he is taking things at your pace, and that is a sign of respect. You can relax, because you have a lot of say so about how "fast" things are moving in this new guys agenda for the two of you.
There is nothing wrong or immoral about kissing when you are not in a relationship, that is half of the fun in getting romantic with a new person...just relax and you will find that it is quite nice...if you don't want him to have roaming hands then grab ahold of them and move them to a more acceptable place on your body and he will get the hint....but don't put him off by not showing him some of your sexuality, after all that is the thing that sets this relationship apart from a friendship.
The way you know if a guy is a player or not, is by doing just what you instinctively are doing now, you withhold sex until trust and respect and passion are built into the equation, and when you do become intimate, you do it because you are in love with him and trust him....if he sticks around to get to know you without the sex, he is in it for the real deal. You just have to take a leap of faith until you know otherwise, that he is not in it for a relationship....
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female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 The friend that moved told you to move on, so you should try to get him out of your head & think about this new guy. It sounds to me that you get along with him good if you can open up around him & you seemed to have fun on your first date. I think that you should give him a chance & not worry about what everyone else thinks of him. Have your own opinion. If you think that he is moving too fast for you, then just tell him. You are going to risk getting hurt in any relationship, but if you don't take any chances, you'll never have the opportunity to find out if someone is out there for you. I say go for it.
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