A
female
age
30-35,
*onyaThompson
writes:There is a lot I love about my boyfriend of 3 years but recently I have an online crush with someone from a videogame I play. About this time a year ago, I started to like someone online as well and even told my boyfriend about it because we usually can solve any problem together. I didn't want to date or even like the online person so I wanted help forgetting about them. This actually didn't go over well and my boyfriend and I split up. I learned that I really needed to get some things out of my system. I've always wanted an online romance where we met up. I feel like it would be really exciting to tease each other for months then finally meet. I tried dating someone online during me and my bfs break up but I realized it wasn't worth it. The guy and I never met up so I didn't get it out of my system. Essentially I felt bad about the online relationship because it was out of lust and selfishness, not love. Plus I really loved my real boyfriend instead. Also during the break up I had sex with 2 people, online sex with a bunch of people, and tried to get that frisky side out of me.Eventually my boyfriend and I got back together. Luckily he took be back but there are definitely trust issues. Before the situation happened he was even open to me having sex with others as long as I wasn't emotionally involved. To him cheating is when you actually love the person instead of want to fuck them. Now we're not at that level of comfort anymore and he even is worried about my online interactions. I was very faithful at first and stop flirting. I love my boyfriend. I didn't want him upset. One time he read some old chat with a guy and assumed I was cheating but I wasnt. I can't believe how upset it made him. He was shaking.Anyways the issue currently is that now I'm having a similar situation as last year and I wish I didn't. I made friends with someone in my guild online and we really connected. From the day we started talking we haven't found a way to stay a way from each other. I really enjoy being around him and doing things together online. We skype, watch movies, just hang out and talk. He knows I have a boyfriend but that doesn't keep us from constantly flirting and talking about our feelings for each other. We go back and forth being cute and then telling each other that it will end but it won't. I've tried to find things I hate about him but it still doesn't help. I know that if we really were together it wouldn't last. It's just a crush but neither of us can get over it. I'm at a loss on how to make this end. I want to ignore him cold turkey but it's hard and I feel like there are underlying issues with my current relationship.Being around the new guy just makes me find things I don't like in my current boyfriend which bothers me. I really don't want to break it off with my current bf. I just need help with solutions to help me get over this crush. After the last break up and trying to date online I decided that it's not worth it. I told myself that no matter what happens, remember that it's not worth it and that I love my current boyfriend. We have a future together and we go so well together. If my boyfriend saw the shit me and the other guy talk about it would be the end of the relationship for sure. I want to stop hiding stuff but also maintain a friendship with the online guy.Does anyone else have a story like this they can share? I feel really alone and I just want this hell to end. I have a hard time with monogamy when I still haven't got that online romance meet up out of my system.
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (19 April 2015):
OP no-one is trying to insult you. We are trying to give you the tough love you so obviously need.
Take a look at what you've written. In a nutshell you're saying you are feeling really sorry for yourself because you keep putting yourself in situations where develop feelings for other guys behind your boyfriend's back, and although you know what you should do (cut contact), you don't want to do it because you're enjoying the feelings of 'new love' too much.
You don't need more advice to help you get back to the real world - you know exactly what needs to be done. What you do need is to put your boyfriend first and stop focusing only on your own wants, needs and feelings. There will ALWAYS be other temptations even in the strongest of relationships. But most people realise that they must actively avoid these temptations to make sure they don't develop into something that may become a threat to their relationship. They don't court them and lie to their partner about it, then make out that they are simply a victim of their own feelings.
If you are not willing to do the right thing and cut all contact with this guy (being his friend is not an option if you have feelings for him), then please let your boyfriend go and let him find someone who is willing to put in the necessary work and sacrifice that being in a real relationship entails. And if you take nothing else away from this, please learn that you are in control of your own thoughts and feelings, so if you really want to you can easily do the right thing.
A
female
reader, SonyaThompson +, writes (19 April 2015):
SonyaThompson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure the best way to reply to this since there is so much information not included in the original post. Just wanted to say that I've been making steps to spend more time with my boyfriend and act more distant with the other guy. I appreciate being reminded that people are different once you meet them in real life. When I met the guy from guild and he started to have feelings for me I told him the same thing. I mentioned what happened in the past and how it's never worth dating people online especially as soon as things start to get serious. usually you romanticize the other person.. You make them out to be amazing just because you don't know enough about them. I've done it plenty of times. You meet someone and you start to make up amazing shit about them but then realize they're creepy or there's something that turns you off. This always helps set my mind straight in these situations, the only problem though was that we have too much of a good time together when we hang out. Lately I've been trying not to spend time on Skype or in one on one situations. Also I know it's selfish to hold onto my current boyfriend through all this. the thing is that I really don't plan on following through with the online guy at all. I love my boyfriend so much and now that I realize that I might have something to hide (aka off limits) I want to stop it. I realize that I have a secret but right now isn't the time to ruin a relationship over it especially since I don't even understand my own feelings. Like I said I'm just clouded by these weird feelings of new love and I know that my minds not straight. I'm just looking for guidance to get back to the real world and remember that it's never worth pursuing an online relationship especially what I can tell it's almost purely out of lust. I come to this place when I really need help and it sucks that I have to deal with insults. I'll try to take them to heart but telling me I'm immature doesn't help the situation. I obviously am ignorant if I'm asking for help. I've been through the situation though but I want some solid heartfelt advice instead of bottling it up or only writing in a diary. anyways thanks for the help so far.
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A
male
reader, Karlos83 +, writes (19 April 2015):
 Obviously, the thing to do would be not to spend so much time online if you really want to stop treating your boyfriend like this and doing the things you do. On the other hand you say you're not completely happy with your boyfriend, so that's another thing, and something you need to address with your boyfriend. No amount of flirting with other guys is going to solve problems in your relationship, it will just make it worse. I would suggest stay off line, talk to your boyfriend about what's bothering you, do more things with each other, go on dates and hang out at places and do stuff you can both enjoy. Maybe it's just that your relationship needs a bit of excitement or change, perhaps you're stuck in a rut right now and are craving an escape route. Honestly, no amount of spending time in a virtual world doing virtual things with virtual people can beat the true interactions and connections of the real world and real people who really matter to you in it. Concentrate on putting more effort into your real life and real relationship than you do your online world for a while, and if that doesn't work or help anything, and you still want more because there's something missing, then maybe it's time to admit the relationship is defeated and it's time to let go.
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A
female
reader, Auntie_C +, writes (19 April 2015):
 I know how you feel trust me, but no one on wow is worth hurting your irl bf over. Wow FFXIV whichever you play. Trust me I play them too and know how guys are. But I've learned that as long as you're a girl almost every guy will flirt with you.... Don't get yourself mixed up in it... It's not worth it... God bless
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