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I like my friend but not sure if that makes me gay!

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 March 2016) 14 Answers - (Newest, 6 March 2016)
A male United States age 26-29, * male reader writes:

is liking your guy friend in a not so friend like way good or not? Does that make me gay? should I be feeling this way toward my childhood friend?

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (6 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Is there something wrong with me? Is that weird that my feelings have been growing?

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (6 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I swore to myself that I can't have no intention to like or fall in love with anyone especially with someone important to me. I can't afford to have such a intimate relationship. That I can't have anything precious to me no matter whemre I am. He's not for me. I can't fall in love with him. That I would force myself to believe that.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm just a little confused about our relationship. I'm not sure if he only wants to sleep with me or if he really does want a relationship with me. does anyone have any advice?

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Last night he almost kissed me but stopped at the last second. I'm not sure why though. Does he like me after all?

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I want to hear how he feels for me from his lips rather than reading it from his behavior. But I'm nervous on how to explain my feelings to him. I dont want him to treat me like a child. I'm not prone to making emotional declarations or even expressing emotions.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I told him he's my closest friend a few week ago and he was concerned for me. I guess I understand why. I'm not prone to making emotional declarations or even really express emotions

showing emotions is kinda difficult for me. I'm not used to being so vulnerable and I don't want him to treat me like a child. I don't think he'll do that because I've never really never been a child. I know I'm a child prodigy and my twin brother has a high is as well. I've always had to act like an adult most of my life. I guess we are both kids in a way. Him in thinking everything is fine when it clearly isn't and me in wanting to hide. I'm not sure if he feels the same.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I can always learn a lot about a person by what they don't say rather than what they say and I can tell how they feel about me from reading their behavior but he is a little hard to read. What if he doesn't like me? He promised me he will always be by my side. all these mixed signals are confusing. he wouldn't flirt with me if he didn't feel that way toward me right? He means the world to me. Is our age differences too much? I wonder if he knows how I feel? He can read me pretty well.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I can always learn a lot about a person by what they don't say rather than what they say and I can tell how they feel about me from reading their behavior but he is a little hard to read.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He has always been in my life and has always been there for me. he was even there when my parents was killed when I was 12 . hes only a few years older than me. Like 3 or 4 years older. growing up he never bullied me even though he could have. he does act very protective of me and sometimes calls me a brat. but I don't take that personally because he's called me that ever since we we're kids. he sometimes flirt with me and he even kissed me on the mouth a few times. I have never felt any attraction toward girls. growing up he has seen me as a brat that needed a keeper but his attitude and actions tell me that he might have feelings for me.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He has always been in my life and has always been there for me. he was even there when my parents was killed when I was 12 . hes only a few years older than me. Like 3 or 4 years older. growing up he never bullied me even though he could have. he does act very protective of me and sometimes calls me a brat. but I don't take that personally because he's called me that ever since we we're kids. he sometimes flirt with me and he even kissed me on the mouth a few times. I have never felt any attraction toward girls. growing up he has seen me as a brat that needed a keeper but his attitude and actions tell me that he might have feelings for me.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

So your real question is not am I gay, but should I tell my friend how I feel.

That is a hard decision. Do you have any gut instincts making you think he may be interested in you in that way? Is he flirty with you? If so, might be worth the risk. If he's never done that, might be best to keep it to yourself if you want to keep the friendship.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

Should you? Well, controlling your feelings is a difficult thing to do. There is no "should". It is what it is.

Does it make you gay? Maybe, you haven't really provided enough info for us to make that determination. Are you attracted to girls too? If so, you may be bisexual. If not, you may be gay.

Human sexuality is a strange animal. Look up the Kinsey scale. It teaches us that there is a wide spectrum of human sexuality, and that most of us fall somewhere in the middle of that scale, though many people are afraid to admit it.

As a 45 year old woman, I identify as mostly straight. I've had seemingly random girl crushes throughout my life, but when it comes to relationships frankly I want a man. My husband is the same. He's had experiences with other men, and is sometimes attracted to them, but at this stage in his life prefers to leave the occasional male attraction to strictly fantasy.

The point is that all of your feelings are ok. I understand that there is still a stigma associated with gay males, and that there will probably be some angst that you will experience if that is the case.

You are still very young. You have plenty of time to figure out who and what you are. Please don't approach your attractions with a sense of panic. Either way, it's going to be ok.

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A male reader, male reader United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

male reader is verified as being by the original poster of the question

he's my best friend and we've been friends for years. I don't want to wreck our friendship and our close bond. I'm not sure what to do.

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A female reader, loveitlongtime United States +, writes (5 March 2016):

loveitlongtime agony auntI don't think you need to label yourself, I feel you should just see where your feelings take you, with your friend and in life. It seems you are 18-21 , I am 22, I didn't know i was bisexual until i was about 21. Its ok, just see where your heart takes you. and yes you can feel that way, you cant control your feelings, hope this helps.

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