A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. My boyfriend never wants to go out with me. He says it's becasue he doesnt have much money, which he doesnt, as he doesnt have a job, is on Income Support, which are benefits that he gets from the government here in the U.K, and he has Spondylosis, so he blames the pain from the Spondylosis too. I do feel sorry for him for having an illness, but why should anyone let that get in the way of enjoying life ?. I know other people with disabilities who still get out and enjoy life. I've even suggested just going to the cinema or a cafe or something, but he wont go. And he wont even have a walk because of the pain. He even told me that he doesnt find going out to be fun !! . He just likes to smoke, and stay in and watch tv, go on the internet, play computer games, sleep and do some painting. And, when i am there, us doing intimate stuff together. His mum even told me that she wished he went out more. I,on the other hand, enjoy going to the theatre, concerts, cinema, restaurants, cafes, pubs, and sometimes travelling. We did go on holiday together once to another part of the U.K, but, although he said he enjoyed it, he even complained sometimes then. He can be very sweet and he has a good sense of humour, but he has a very short fuse and an awful temper. I just dont know what to do because, i like the nice side of him, but it seems like we dont have very much in common.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): Thanks for your reply, CaringGuy. Actually, thinking about it, i think its mainly because of his illness that he doesnt go out, as he told me that he used to go out with friends and on his own sometimes, when he was younger, but recently, the pain has got a lot worse, and he has had this illness for years, and he said he has got so used to staying in a lot now, because of the pain, that he doesnt feel like going out and doesnt find it fun.
I love him to bits. I really do, but i know for a relationship to work there has to be compromise sometimes. I guess i need to think things through.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): You definitely need to think twice about this guy. You're obviously not right for one another at all. I think you should find somebody who's more suited to you, someone who also loves going out, someone you share more in common with. And same goes to him, he could find somebody more suited for him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 July 2010):
I just think you're two different people, and it won't work. If he can't walk because of the pain, he just can't. That's it. To be fair, the illness he has can cause unbelievable pain (the nerves in his spine basically are compressed to the point where it's like being paralysed).
And, if I'm also be honest, it doesn't sound like he wants to do much with his life anyway. You are right, there are people who have disabilities and go out and do stuff. He just isn't that person.
If you want a guy to take you out and have fun with, this guy is not the one for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): he said he would, but only coz i want to, not because he actually wants to. so i cant see a future in this. he said i should just be glad that he is going at all, even if his heart isnt in it, but i asked him to be happy when we go out, and he said i'll be however i am. he also said that he doesnt think it would bring us closer together, as i mentioned that it would bring us closer together, and that we should compromise, e.t.c. he also told me to f*** off !.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): You need to talk to him properly. Tell him you completely understand why he has negative thoughts about going out. BUT, it will do him good and bring the pair of you closer together. Tell him he needs to compromise a little. You love going out and you'd really love him to be out with you.
If he refuses to, I think you should think about finding someone who enjoys doing the same things as you do.
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