A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! It is bizarre to ask for some advice but maybe you girls can provide some useful tips...I adore this man much older than me, divorced with a 13-year-old son (I am 29 and he will soon turn 52 years old). He has felt attracted to me for 5 years and on talking about having a relationship he confessed it but told me it would not work because of the age gap and that I would get tired of an 'old boring man'.He is not even willing to see me alone because he said 'I can not even say no to you. If we meet we both will get into trouble'.He is deeply conservative (Englishman) and I think he also worries about the fact we work in the same building and people would make nasty comments.I am longing to see him on my own and at least go for a coffee with him but he is scared...Any tips please? many thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): You are 29, an age in which you will probably want marriage and kids soon. He's 52, already married before and has a teenage son. If he is willing to go through marriage and babies again or if you are prepared to give up marriage and children for him then the relationship might work but otherwise it won't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): I have a different spin on all this and I don't know if it applies to this guy. But I have seen this type of scenario go down with a friend of mine. And sadly, she never did end up with the guy. Sweety, your older man admits to being attracted to you for 5 years and he's not making any solid, constructive moves here. Hun, to me it appears you may be a fantasy to him and he doesn't want to make this a reality. Why? He seems to have a problem with dating and I'm wondering if he's avoiding change here. Despite the fact that he says he likes you, he seems content with his current situation because he hasn't done nothing to change his pattern or tried seeking a new path. Sometimes older guys like this, are very set in their ways, especially if they have family commitments (his son) and they'll second guess their every desire, want, need. Should I do this...no I shouldn't...yes, I should. Very,very indecisive. They mull things over and over, always deliberating for a long time, whether or not they want to take the risk of dating again. It's almost as if he sabotages his own success of finding true happiness because he's scared sh*tless.
Added to all that, the age gap bothers him immensely. He's worried that people you both work with will judge you both if and when the relationship comes out. But if the two of you care about each other, then that’s all that really matters in the end. But my suggestion: go slow and get to know him really well. See if he'll do a casual coffee date with you. he sounds like a nice man who is just scared/apprehensive to date. I think his confidence just needs some building up. Reassure him, that you don't want to rush things and take this one day at a time. If he's not forthcoming in the next few weeks, I would consider moving on and dating other people.
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A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Yep,
Tip #1 Stay away
Tip #2 Stay away
Tip #3 If that wasn't enough to make you stay away, nothing will. If you tempt fate, you two will inevitably get involved in some, shape, or form. I suppose it has a 1 % chance of working out..... doubtful though.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Honey, there is no chance of anything working if you two never get together for even a coffee.
At this point, you can make this relationship anything you imagine. Reality might be way better than fantasy, but how will you know if you don't spend some time together?
You say you adore this guy, but if you've never spent time together (you never say so), just what do you adore? The perfect image you have in your mind?
The age gap is irrelevant, but the communication gap certainly is. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 February 2007):
 What this man said to you about you would tire of him with him being an old man was only to feel you out! He wanted you to say don't be silly, I'd never feel that way about you, or words to that effect. He was looking for a bit of reassurance that that wasn't the case. Again when he said I couldn't say no to you, he was looking for a reaction from you to see what you'd say.
Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with the age gap. The older you both get the less it matters. My husband is a lot older than I am and it's never bothered me. It's the person that matters, not the label of age!
Let him know you'd love to go for a coffee with him. Get to know him better and tell him you'd love to see him again (if you feel that way afterwards.) Just take things slowly and see how it goes. You might be very glad you did! ;o)
Eve
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