A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:So I am dating this girl that i met online...yes i know a long distance relationship blah blah blah. She told me she has a sexual past and just so she wouldn't think I was a loser I told her I wasn't a virgin. I really love her and we have been talking almost all day everyday for 3 or 4 months. I am flying out to meet her soon and she said she wants to have sex with me. The problem is... I'm really a virgin when I lied saying I wasn't. I don't want to tell her I am cause she might think I'm just with her for the sex, when I truly do love her. I don't want to ruin what we have... and I think I would sound like a jackass if I really confessed. What do I do?
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long distance, met online, sexual past, the internet Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Thanks for all your input. I told her, she didn't care and she was actually turned on. lol.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): I have told lies about the same thing in the distant past, I came clean and the person was fine with it, we both just laughed about it lol
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): You have to confess. You can't go through an entire relationship based on a lie. Your inention behind the lie was fine, not hurtful to her and not for any reason other than your own shame. Most people have certain levels of tolerance for lieing. They know when lies are made for innocent reasons and for harmful reasons. They will put up with one but not the other, respectively.
When I read what you were saying, the thought that you lied to get sex from her did not cross my mind. In fact, as soon as i read the title before i even entered the quesiton, i figured it must just be because you're embarrassed about being a virgin and worried about what she will think of you. I think that any normal person would be able to understand that.
Just sit down and have the conversation with her (phone, online, etc.) and tell her how much she means to you. Then proceed to tell her that in an attempt to look better to her, you lied about being a virgin.
My guess is, she'll laugh and ask why. This is not like telling her you are when you aren't. This is innocent so i think you should stop worrying. Most people who i know, would not end a good relationship over a lie like yours.
~Sy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): Dude, I'm so excited to answer this post for you!!! Mainly because that's how my fiance and me started out. We first met in a chat room and we've been talking on the phone and over the internet for atleast a good two years. We finally met up in person 4 years ago. Ever since then we've been through hell and back and now we're engaged. And that's in the span of 6 years. I know peaople says long distance doesn't work, but that's not always the case.Ok, sorry about my rambling. I felt you should know a lil' bit of my inside story before I give you tips. About the virginity thing. I understand COMPLETELY. I too, lied to her about that so I wouldn't sound like a loser in her head. But when we finally met up. I went ahead and had sex for the first time anyway. I wasn't bad but I sure WASN'T GREAT. She noticed that, needless to say. I confessed about my lies of being "a stud". But, you know what? She didn't care. Well, she was disappointed in me for lying but she said she loved me for great ways I made her feel and that sex was something we could improve on in the future.Moral of story- Be honest with her. Even if you have to confess before she finds out the hard way. If it's really love, she'll UNDERSTAND, 100% garuanteed. If you feel like jumping into the action blind and seeing what's what, then by all means go ahead. But in the future, if you really love her. Don't lie to her anymore. Lieing never helps a relationship, it only hurts it.
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A
female
reader, gotasecret  +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Ok,
first of all. I reuly stick to the whole image that when you love someone, and they love you eually lies hsould not be involved. You lied to her about that, well you got to come clean. however she will start thinking you might have lied about a bunch other stuff.
So my suggestion, come clean, and lose your virginity to someone whom you actually know PERSONALLY and not virtually.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): the same thing happened with my boyfriend and i in our ldr. he told me he was really a virgin after two months of going out. but because you love each other, it won't matter. she'll work with you and be patient. it seems like something big to you, but it'll probably be touching to her, and she'll appreciate you more. good luck!
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (29 August 2009):
When you get there talk to her face to face and be honest. Tell her your virginity is something you were embarrassed about. I am sure she will love it. You know guys aren't the only ones that love a virgin. Just be honest face to face.
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A
male
reader, Mikes +, writes (29 August 2009):
 The thing that never seems to be considered about virginity is that for most girls its actually a good thing! It means that your clean, with no sexual diseases and your not sleeping around etc, its like having a good reputation almost. It can be an atractive prospect for a girl, and also appealing to her that she will be your first. We always seem to just asume its a bad thing to be a virgin, its natural to.Tell the girl though, because if it all works out and you get into a relationship it could be hard knowing that you lied to her from the start. If shes not happy that your a Virgin or makes fun of it, she obviously isnt the girl for you.Take care.
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