A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my ex 2.5 years ago. She came into my life during a really dark time and I made a huge mistake during it. In short, my self esteem took a major hit for a while and I ended up using tinder to swipe on photos in order to make myself feel good, although j never touched or slept with anyone. My girlfriend found out about things and was furious. She accused me of cheating on her and I never fully explained why I did what I did. I lived with her and ended up having to move out for family reasons. We had planned to get back together and move back in together 3 weeks ago, and then she met a guy at a party with a lot of drugs and ended up sleeping with him. Once she told me about it, she said we needed to work on ourselves and that she still thinks we have a future, but she needed a rebound fling and that she couldn't sleep at night otherwise, that she missed me and hated me all at the same time. I ended up cutting contact against her wishes. We haven't spoken in almost 2 weeks and I'm a wreckI want to get back with her. We were supposed to get married. I'm worried that if I keep silent for too long, she'll just move on and forget about me. Yesterday I received an audio text from her at work that seemed to be her working with s child. I have no idea if it was a mistake but it would be difficult to mistakenly send me something like that. I didn't respond. I've even resorted to going to psychics who've all told me she will contact me this month wanting to get back together. How do I proceed? I know what I did was horrible but I didn't think it was relationship ending.
View related questions:
at work, drugs, get back together, move on, my ex, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 What you did was in the gray area. What she did was cheating. Are you sure you are ready to be with her again? When she says she loves you and hates you at the same time, that isn't a good sign at all. It means that she doesn't know how to feel about you, and that the bad things about your relationship are so overwhelming, she doesn't know if it can last. Throw her cheating on top of it, and you have a dysfunctional relationship with no happy ending for anyone involved.
Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you're not just living in the "if only"? If only I changed, if only I hadn't done this or that, if only she hadn't cheated, if only things were different... THEN we should get married. But things aren't different, do NOT live in the world of "if only". When it comes to relationships, you need to take them at face value. What you see is what you get. This right here and now, the entire turmoil, WILL REPEAT ITSELF OVER AND OVER if the two of you get back together. This is what the two of you bring out of each other. Neither of you are good for one another, you give her heart ache, and she is vindictive enough to cheat on you just in order to make herself feel better about things. This isn't good, and neither of you are happy.
Do not think "if only". Take it at face value. Would you marry her, right now, knowing she cheated on you, knowing she is likely to do it again, knowing she HATES you? Don't you think you deserve better? Picture your perfect relationship. Is this really it? Is this the relationship you want and that is worth fighting for? Or are you fighting for an "if only this and that changed" fantasy of a relationship that doesn't exist?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 You know what you did was horrible but you did not think it was relationship ending? Really? Tinder is knowing for being a hook up dating site. If I found my fella on this, I would not be able to trust him again, the trust would be gone so yes it would be the end of my relationship as well.
I am sorry that you where in a dark place back there but that does not give you an excuse to do but you did to her. You broke her trust and probably her heart all at the same time. I understand that you never physically cheated, but I don't think you understand fully how that can dent a persons confidence. She thought the worse and that you had cheated, and off course why would she not? Most people are on that site just for a quickie.
Now moving on to her, you moved out and well lets be honest she moved on, she is saying she needed a fling, but am sorry I don't buy that, if she needs to have sex with another man then it shows that she is not taking you serious, she wants to hurt you, she wants to get with another man so that you know how she feels. How is this healthy for the both of you? You can see yourselves getting married in the future? But you are both treating each other so very wrong at the moment. I can understand that you are upset, but am afraid to say none of this would never have happened if you didn't download tinder. It is probably a regret you will always have.
You probably will get back with each other, but I cannot see you ever trusting each other again, she will always be checking your phone and you will always be wondering when she is out is she hooking up with other guys. My guess is that the Psychics are telling you what you want to here. If you want to get back with her then yes off course it is worth a try, as long as you are sure you can both forgive and learn to trust each other again.
...............................
|
