A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married (now separated). While still with my husband, I met a guy online who I knew years ago. We flirted with each other off and on for months. We didn't meet up because of my marriage. We still flirted and fantasized about being together. I felt guilty about it but because I was so unhappy in my marriage I continued this. Eventually, this guy and I decided to meet up. We had a great time. We enjoyed seeing each other. Talked a lot and we made out. We both knew the situation and did so anyway. A week later, I asked if he had any regrets and he said no but after seeing how uncomfortable I was, he knew it wasn't the right thing to do and he really didn't want to be the kind of guy that is with someone whose married. He was right and I told him so. I ended up leaving my husband. Then, I sent the guy a message asking him about being distant when he sid he wouldn't be (despite the situation) and stated how I'd like for us to remain friends. He replied saying that it didn't seem like I liked him so why would I want to be friends. He said he didn't plan to be distant but his life is just crazy and he wishes he hadn't done that. He said not to take it personal and it's nothing with me it's just the situation. I tried to make arrangements to talk to him to get clarification but he has basically just ignored me. What happened? We both knew the facts from the beginning. Why would he think I don't like him anymore? Why doesn't he want to be friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Maybe a bit off, but IMO you are married until you are divorced. You have no business doing anything with anyone else romantically until you are no longer married.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 I see you're still married, not divorced. Is there any possibility of reconciling with your husband? Do you want to? It's worth a try even though I imagine he's terribly hurt. You need to know the truth, and I'm certainly not gonna lie... being betrayed by someone you love can really break a person. Why weren't you happy in your marriage? You need to tell your husband you are sorry you hurt him... he may take you back.
The guy is a slimeball... he got involved with a married woman... but I don't think he was looking for a commitment; just the thrill of forbidden love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): he wanted a fling, an affair, a fun time...he didnt want a commitment. thats what really happened. he didnt really want you to leave your husband for him...and now hes running scared. he doenst want to be who you lean on. im sorry honey, but he is a player, and he played you because you were vulnerable in your unhappiness. guys like that have a sixth sense for vulnerable women. hugs, mal
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Is there a chance you can work this out with your husband, maybe your feelings for the this other man created a wall, and more problems with your husband. Knowing that this affair was a mistake, could there be a possibility that your husband will take you back. This guy used you dumped you when he was done, why would you want to be with someone like this. You might also want to give yourself sometime and be alone, and think on what it is that you want in life so that whenever you are in a relationship again, you don't go cheating on the first guy that sweeps you off your feet. Good luck and really sorry this happened to you, I hope everything works out for you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I'm guessing he had second thoughts about you. Some times people change their minds and he wasn't very serious about you to begin with. I mean why would he be, you were married, and then he thought it would just be a flirt. I don't think he was very interested in something serious. And he already told you, before you got a divorce, that he didn't want to be that kind of guy who is involved with someone who is married. I think whatever feelings he once had for you are now gone as he moved on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Are you sure he's single? He may be married or involved and it was just curiosity that got him to see you in the first place. Maybe he didn't really like you as well as he pretended, he decided you're not really his type, and rather than coming out and rejecting you outright on that basis, he's saying distancing things without actually insulting you.
Sorry you've had a bad experience with your first reach-out to a guy. It's tough, I think, the dating world is brutal.
You're going to have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go on kissing frogs. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, loraemoon  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 seems like hes taken a cowards way out,obviously he knew the situation with your marriage and knew you wasnt happy, looks like hes wooed you to get what he wanted and when you needed him even just as a friend he doesent want to know but is trying to turn the tables by saying he feels its you that doesent like him as much, hes not really worth bothering with hes just ignoring you and your feelings for no apparent reason, hes now ignoring you so that says dont go chasing him even as a friend hes got what he wanted and now doesent want to know you but hasnt got the backbone to stand up and admit it like a man should, hope you find peace and do have a happy life with someone whome you love but will love you back like you deserve
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 July 2010):
You were partially used, is what happened. He saw you were unhappy in your marriage, and took advantage of it. Then he decided it wasn't the best thing for him to do, and moved on. The problem is that no matter how unhappy you were in your marriage, you still met up with this other guy and cheated on your husband. Therefore, you will have been seen by this other guy as untrustworthy, and maybe someone who would cheat on him. I can't ever stress enough that cheating is not just morally wrong, but also places people in a very serious situation when it comes to dating and reputation. In particular, women do get a very hard time of it once they've cheated. Men are not so forgiving or trusting. Women do seem to be more forgiving about things like this (look at the posts on this site). Once you've cheated, whether happy or not, your reputation is damaged in the eyes of those who know about it. I think the best thing you can do now is to accept it's over and just focus on your own life for now. He wasn't that great anyway. After all, he was willing to meet with a married woman and use her. Focus on your own life, get your esteem back on track and meet a better guy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 July 2010):
 Maybe it was more of a fantasy *make believe* for him then it was for you.
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